President Bush underwent a routine colonoscopy today and transferred power to Dick Cheney. Comedians are going to have a field day.

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President Bush underwent a routine colonoscopy today. Doctors made a surprising discovery. They found his long lost brain as in good of shape as ever.

About the size of a pea, a high colonic was able to lodge the brain free from where it had been impacted. Doctors theorize that Bush had had his head up his butt for so long that his brain had dislodged during severe cerebral strain induced by attempting to express a coherent sentence. They said the stuck brain would also explain his severe myopia and inability to hear a thing anybody said.

However, doctors disagree if the condition was the result of a congenital anal defect or an outbreak of acute bovine encephalitis. They can't decide if he's a born ass or if his head is simply full of bull$#!+.

Regarding the procedure, White House spokesman Tony Snow said "The president wants to encourage everybody to use surveillance." Funny. The way most Americans feel about Bush's secret government spying on them, they already feel like they're in the middle of a colonoscopy with big brother way too far up their private business.

Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney was able finally to openly show he's in charge at the White House. At least. that is, while Bush is down for the count on the colonoscopy. One ass down, one up. Cheney will not be undergoing a colonoscopy as doctors are still hotly debating which orifice would serve as best entrance.

Authors Bio:
B. 1952, GA, USA. D. To Be Determined. Beloved husband, father, grandfather, lover, confidant and friend of many from bikers to Zen masters; American writer and speaker, known for his criticism of Mammon's unholy trinity of big business, big government and big religion; served the least of them professionally as psychologist and voluntarily as activist for decades; loved to shoot basketball, billiards and the bull; lived free, died game. (memorial sketch by davidhewsonart.com)