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October 7, 2019

What Would a 2020 Replacement for Trump Look Like?

By Gene Case

A 2020 option for the Republican Party if Trump is removed from office.


Republicans Top Candidates
Republicans Top Candidates
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It's really difficult to imagine a president more deserving of impeachment and conviction--and, bizarrely, a president that seems to be advocating for it more enthusiastically--than Donald Trump.

Like Trump, the Republican Party needs Trump to be on the ballot in 2020, and to be reelected - Trump to avoid criminal prosecution as an ordinary citizen, and the Republican Party to avoid electoral Armageddon.

It seems likely that the House of Representatives will impeach Trump, and it also seems unlikely that the Senate will vote to convict. Seeing Lindsay Graham and other Banana Republican lickspittles circle the wagons and double down on their war on reality while ratcheting-up their treachery, the likelihood of a conviction is even more remote than before. But, if that highly unlikely event did occur, Republicans would have to find a reasonable facsimile of Trump to run in 2020.

As was obvious in 2016, the Republican base, or more accurately the Cult of Trump, is not going to be mollified by an establishment candidate like Mike Pence. So the Republican Party would have to come up with a reliable stand-in for their standard-bearer.

The Trump substitute would be compelled to utilize the secret sauce of Cult contentment--a toxic stew of hate, fear, grievance and paranoia delivered with the bravado and clueless idiocy that is a Trump hallmark.

The actual content of any single Trump "event" speech is irrelevant--a speech from 2016 can be delivered in 2019 and can be completely effective.

Should a Trump substitute be needed, I purpose placing a five-gallon pail of horse manure with a red baseball cap sitting on a pile of straw covering the top and a pair of spurs attached at the base. The pail would be called "Trump" and would sit on a slowly revolving turntable placed on podiums at campaign events around the nation. A looped recording of Trump's greatest hits--"lock her up", "build the wall", "send them back", etc, etc, would be played at maximum volume for however long it takes for the Cult to get its fill. The whole event could be branded Trumpapalooza.

"Trump" would be placed on ballots around the nation along with--of course, the only person capable of filling the VP role (being both a true cipher and an unctuous toady) for both Trump and "Trump"--Mike Pence.

"Trump" would require no security and only occasional re-filling. And, if elected, "Trump" would have an even simpler itinerary (is that possible??!!) than Trump--100% executive time in the stable. As is currently the case, all policy would originate from select FOX News personalities. And, the best part--no cheeseburgers and golf outings required! Think of the fiscal windfall and the improved air quality in the White House!

Authors Bio:
Retired mechanical designer. Advocate for effective government.