A skeptical take on President Obama's declaration that Venezuela is now a "national security threat."

::::::::

I was honing my tan on a beach in Caracas,

When the newsman went and announced a fracas.

It seemed Venezuela now posed a grave threat

To my sweet land of liberty, of thee I fret.

.

"A threat to security" was the phrase the prez used,

Adding a "national" lest Guam feel abused.

Serious stuff this, with jet pilots scrambling,

Bomb shelters opening and pundits a-rambling.

.

Would schools be shuttered and Pop Tarts sold out?

Would moms call in kids and tanks be rolled out?

A threat to security is mighty strong stuff,

And woe is the fool who thinks Yankees take guff.

.

I called Uncle Mike who said, "Pretty it ain't.

"All Spanish speakers are daubed with red paint.

"But I'm American's a dead giveaway,

"It's U.S. person or C'mon make my day."

.

"Two major-league pitchers were snatched off the mound,

"With both of 'em now Guantánamo-bound.

"'U.S.A., U.S.A.' poured proud from the stands.

"Are you still safe, Phil, down in those lands?"

.

"'Round the beach, Uncle Mike, the threats seem but rare:

"Babes in bright strings and lifeguards in chair."

"Don't be fooled, Phil: those guards are Chavistas,

"The guys on Fox News call 'em 'hack Sandinistas.'

.

"And all those chicks with the luscious black eyes?

"Most are nothing but Maduro temp spies,

"Trained to slip mickies and swipe your emails,

"And then steal you blind right down to your nails."

.

"Don't know, Uncle Mike: folks here are neat,

"The guys are true gents, the gals beyond sweet.

"I tell 'em I'm Yankee, they don't give a damn.

"They say all this tension is just a big scam."

.

"As for the menace, I look and see none.

"The store shelves are bare, the rats have all run.

"It's true there's danger of street rape and rapine,

"But the same could be said of Holl'wood and Vine."

.

Yet I could not dissuade my dear Uncle Mike,

That off the earth's face poor Ven. we must wipe:

"Now you just be careful and watch out for creeps.

"Fox says they're commies, and they play for keeps."

.

I dashed on more sunblock and counted anew,

Countries our s'curity must pass on through.

There's Iraq and Iran, a bunch of those 'Stans,

There's Syria and Isra'l and more Muslim lands.

.

Throw in Xe's China, add Taiwan and Japan,

And four wannabes that still use sampan.

And now Venezuela, who would have thought?

Security loves travel, like a bug that it caught.

Authors Website: http://www.philipkraske.com

Authors Bio:

For a recital of this poem, go to my website: http://www.philipkraske.com/kraske-fiction/