We, Roberta and Jard -- have lived together for almost half a century. We reared three kids and even our grandkids have kids now and we still love each other dearly. We would like to be able to report to you that we had a storybook romance and marriage: We would like to, but alas, we cannot. To start with, Roberta certainly did not get a Prince Charming in Jard. He is a stubborn, willful man who has gone through life doing precisely what he wanted to do. Of course, Roberta wasn't a Fairy Princess -- at times the sparks flew. They still do! But, we started life even, both having naive attitudes about living together. She assumed Jard would be like her father, and he thought Roberta would be like his mother. Don't all young couples make that mistake? We soon learned how wrong that was but above all we shared a strong religious faith that helped us!
In LOVERS FOR LIFE we have included projects and processes for your use. They have proved very valuable for us and for couples in our seminars. In the beginning, using them may make you feel as awkward as giving a speech or singing a solo for the first time. They will become familiar with use, however, and will help you develop a mutually supportive partnership that remains pleasurable and permanent. Use them well to strengthen you mutual concern and self-transcendence; for they are tools with which to build greater understanding. Even if boredom and desperation have set in, these methods have the power to revitalize a relationship and make it worth keeping -- even when you are not making love at the time. May God bless your attempts to grow toward happiness and fulfillment, for all of your life!
SAMPLE SELF-FOCUS
WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE OUR VICTORIAN ANCESTORS WERE SO DETERMINED TO KEEP WOMEN SUBSERVIENT TO MEN -- EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE ABUSIVE AND SOMETIMES MURDEROUS?
WHY DO YOU THINK MANY MEN STILL ASSUME THAT THEY OWN THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES -- THAT IF THEY CANNOT CONTROL A WOMAN, THEN NO OTHER MAN SHOULD LOVE HER?
SAMPLE PROJECT - BASIC ASSUMPTIONS
Discuss with a friend or write a short paragraph or two or three sentences on what the following could mean to you.
MEN AND WOMEN REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER FOR LOVE TO PROSPER.
SEXUAL PLEASURE AND SATISFACTION IS A SOUND ASPECT OF LOVE.
ONLY BY MATURING TOGETHER CAN LOVE BECOME DEEPLY FULFILLING.
We wish you the very best as you make your life meaningful and fill it with love.
At one time we were even like two veteran riflemen in combat. One soldier was from the Louisiana marsh country while the other was from the mountains of Colorado. They had little in common but survival, they didn't understand each other, and they would not have even known each other but for the fact that they were in the Army at the same time. However, they have saved each other's life so often that each has forgotten how to survive without the partner. One kicks in the door and the other throws in the grenade. Without a great deal of deliberation! We have even moved past that and now are fairly tolerant and understanding. The repeated grinding of two dominant personalities, although it created friction and sparks on many occasions, has abraded a pretty good fit to our marriage. Sexual pleasure and psychospiritual intimacy are still vital parts of our ivies, and we recommend them highly to everyone (although we realize that sexual satisfaction can exist only as a part of our total relationship). We are fortunate that we have kept our sexual relationship alive and satisfying -- despite the myth that sex is for the young. I suppose many in the reactionary church who would limit sex to conception and childbirth consider us a dirty old couple -- but you can imagine how little time we spend worrying about their neuroticism! Love is a constant source of rejuvenation for our life together.
In LOVERS FOR LIFE we have included projects and processes for your use. They have proved very valuable for us and for couples in our seminars. In the beginning, using them may make you feel as awkward as giving a speech or singing a solo for the first time. They will become familiar with use, however, and will help you develop a mutually supportive partnership that remains pleasurable and permanent. Use them well to strengthen you mutual concern and self-transcendence; for they are tools with which to build greater understanding. Even if boredom and desperation have set in, these methods have the power to revitalize a relationship and make it worth keeping -- even when you are not making love at the time. May God bless your attempts to grow toward happiness and fulfillment, for all of your life!
SAMPLE SELF-FOCUS
WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE OUR VICTORIAN ANCESTORS WERE SO DETERMINED TO KEEP WOMEN SUBSERVIENT TO MEN -- EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE ABUSIVE AND SOMETIMES MURDEROUS?
WHY DO YOU THINK MANY MEN STILL ASSUME THAT THEY OWN THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES -- THAT IF THEY CANNOT CONTROL A WOMAN, THEN NO OTHER MAN SHOULD LOVE HER?
SAMPLE PROJECT - BASIC ASSUMPTIONS
Discuss with a friend or write a short paragraph or two or three sentences on what the following could mean to you.
MEN AND WOMEN REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER FOR LOVE TO PROSPER.
SEXUAL PLEASURE AND SATISFACTION IS A SOUND ASPECT OF LOVE.
ONLY BY MATURING TOGETHER CAN LOVE BECOME DEEPLY FULFILLING.
We wish you the very best as you make your life meaningful and fill it with love.
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