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How many Neocons does it take to replace Blondes, rednecks or ethnics in a joke, to screw in a lightbulb, or screw up a country?

by Rob Kall

OpEdNews.Com

 answer: One. Stupidity expands infinitely with neocons, especially ones who were appointed by Bush.

Okay, so this may not be totally politically correct. But it's not making fun of any particular group that's been the butt of "dumb" jokes. I just realized there were so many "dumb ethnic" jokes and the neocons are so dumb, such stumbling idiots that they would fit perfectly into the joke format. The inspiration came when I read about how, on June 23rd... well, here's the link:

  Bush Admin takes 14 Months before Removing Radioactive Material in Iraq at Risk for Theft now here's some WMD material they did find, and they left it lying around for terrorists to steal.

Basically, the neocon morons who pushed for this stupid war (wait. This was not a war. The US just rolled in and conquered, without any real resistance. We shouldn't be calling this a war) did not make any plans to deal with the radioactive, raw WMD material that they did find. They left it unguarded the first weeks after the conquest and taking idiocy even further, let it stay there for over a year, vulnerable to theft and attack.

So... here are some more stabs at creating a new joke genre, some adapted from blonde or Pollack jokes, others just made up, with a few standard Bush jokes thrown in. Some will make you laugh. Some will hurt because they're bad, and some will hurt because it's too bad.

How many neocons does it take to put in and light an Iraqi  light bulb?

130,000. First you have to mass the troops, then, after breaking the first twenty bulbs because you didn't have enough staffing who could read Arabic, you can protect the perimeter and secure the oil wells that supply the power to light the bulb. What, you didn't think oil was involved?

* * *

How many neocons does it take to screw a country?

It depends. You have to add up the seats in the cabinet, heads of agencies and departments and special advisors. Or.... just one-- if it's George W. Bush.

* * *

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

* * *

A Neocon  stepped in a cow pie and started crying.
He thought he was melting.

* * *

Jay Leno observed that Michael Moore was really showing off George Bush in a good light when he showed Bush sitting reading the children's book about the goat in seven minutes. After all, who would have thought he could finish a children's book in just seven minutes?

* * *

How does a Neocon put out pair of pants on fire? 

The person whose pants are on fire pees on the person who he thinks started the fire.  Ask former CIA head Tenet,  Valerie Plame or anyone else who the neocons have trashed.

* * *

A Neocon walked into a bar with a duck under his arm. The bartender saw them and said, "Hey, what are you doing bringing that pig in here?" The Neocon answered, "That's not a pig; it's a duck." And the bartender replied, "I was talking to the duck!"

* * *

How do you run a neocon operation into the ground?

Have George Bush run it.

How do rescue an operation run by George Bush that's been run into the ground?

Let Daddy's Saudi friends buy it at a loss, as long as Georgie W. gets a bonus.

* * *

How do you ruin the reputation of  the most respected Americans?

Get them a job working for George Bush (Powell, McCain.)

* * *

How do you know a neocon has been in your house?

Your heating system has been converted to oil, and your toaster vibrates when  you walk by it with your cell phone (from bugging devices.)

* * *

How do you defeat a neocon army that's 100 times more powerful than yours?

Don't fight when they attack. Let them take over, then snipe, suicide bomb and sneak attack them as occupiers until they appoint one of your own as leaders.

* * *

There was a football game between the Kerry Supporters and the Bushies.  They'd been playing for four hours and the score was nothing to nothing. Finally, the Kerry supporters  got disgusted and went home. Four plays later the Bushies scored..... but it was just George push running a touchdown that went to the credit of Kerry.

* * *

For the first time in decades, a 'Corpse flower is blooming in the northeast. It takes ten years to bloom, then reaches its most putrid stink as it goes into full bloom-- unlike neocons, who bloom, then take a few years to start to really stink. 

Okay. I'm not claiming to be a comedian or joke writer. Hopefully, though, I've primed the pump. Send me your Neocon or Bush jokes and I'll add them to the pile here. If this really works, maybe the best ones, will show up on Leno, Letterman or Conan, or they'll have their staff write them.

Rob Kall rob@opednews.com  is publisher of progressive news and opinion website www.opednews.com and organizer of cutting edge meetings that bring together world leaders, such as the Winter Brain Meeting and the StoryCon Summit Meeting on the Art, Science and Application of Story This article is copyright Rob Kall and originally published by opednews.com but permission is granted for reprint in print, email, blog or web media so long as this credit paragraph is attached.  Over 100 other articles by Rob Kall

Here's a batch from Jesse Lee, of the DCCC's (Democratic Campaign Committee) Stakeholder BlogWebsite

Supposedly circulated by "Clinton alumni," thanks to Dan Froomkin:

How many Bush administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

• One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced.

• One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb.

• One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb.

• One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs.

• One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton one million dollars for a light bulb.

• One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag.

• And finally, one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.