Swami Beyondananda’s 2006 State of the Universe Address
Swami Calls for an Up-Wising “Wise Up, Everybody ... The Evolution Has Begun!”
By Swami Beyondananda
For years now, we’ve been hearing “shift happens,” and wondering when, where and how. Now finally, it looks as if the shift is about to hit the fan. This is good news for all those shift fans who’ve been wondering if the new age will arrive before old age does. Of course, if you’re looking for signs in the news, you won’t find them. At least, not yet. The news might as well be called the “olds,” because the world still seems stuck in greedlock, ruled by fossilized fools fueled by fossil fuels. But I have been receiving encouraging intelligence reports that say indeed, humans are becoming more intelligent. Yes, people everywhere are wising up. And that’s great, because we could sure use an up-wising!
The evolution has begun. But before we see changes in the old needy-greedy, we humans must change our consciousness -- and the first step is becoming conscious of how unconscious we’ve been. As the saying goes, the truth shall upset you free, and last year saw lots of disillusionment. But what better to free us from the far more dangerous condition of illusionment? If we want to stop the abuse of power, the first step is to disabuse ourselves. So, here’s some good news: Despite a massive media impropaganda machine that feeds the public “babblum” (strained bullshit made digestible for a simple child’s mind), more and more Americans are reading between the lyins’ and peering behind the Irony Curtain.
In 2005, Americans had to face the sad realization that the Bush Administration’s “pro-life” stance appears to be limited to the unborn and the brain-dead. Despite being panned by critics everywhere, the Iraqi Horror Picture Show continued its run, as thousands and thousands of born fetuses – ours and theirs -- lost their right to life. While we may or may not have saved face by staying there, we have most definitely lost ass. And we’ve been assured we’ll be stuck in that morass until -- well, until there’s no more ass to lose. Meanwhile, more and more Americans reached another sad conclusion: We’re not in Iraq to keep the peace, we’re there to keep the pieces.
The signs of up-wising are everywhere. Even the most unpleasant stories are beginning to break through the soundless barrier and defy the President’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy: “You promise not to ask us what we’re doing, and we promise not to tell you.” Although we’ve been inundated with “fear-gnomes” and ominously warned we have to protect ourselves in this dogma-eat-dogma world, a majority of Americans are no longer comfortable with the notion that the only way to defeat the “evil-doers” in the world is to out evil-do them. Although our President has assured us that “we don’t torture,” it is now common knowledge that we simply send detainees to countries that do torture when we want them to “testify under oaf.”
As for those progressives who’ve been whining that the President “never listens” to them, well it turns out he’s been listening all along. And thanks to the so-called Patriot Act (which, I understand, is about to be renamed the Eternal Insecurity Act), it looks like he’ll be able to listen in even more -- all in the name of making us safe. But now even some Republicans are beginning to see that there’s a difference between protection and the “protection racket.” And with the recent revelations about Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff and other gold collar criminals, some of the more devout conservatives have come to realize that the “family values” they voted for bear an uncanny resemblance to Soprano Family values.
If there was any warm feeling in 2005, chalk it up to climate change. Katrina hit, and in the government’s response we saw a future when at last all Americans will be equal -- where everyone regardless of race or creed will be treated like Black folks.
Alarming Policies Have Awakened Millions!
Fortunately this is the State of the Universe Address, and from a universal perspective, things are humming along quite nicely. It turns out that the Earth is the talk of the Universe these days. In fact, the odds-makers at the Intergalactic Enquirer say the odds are actually in our favor: “We’re betting on the human race to reach critical mass before they get to critical massacre.” And we could beat the odds, if we finally gave up our addiction to getting even and got odd instead. It stands to reason. If each of us used our unique oddness to improve the odds for everyone, there would be no need for getting even.
Yes, the up-wising has begun, and intergalactic observers are saying that we have none other than George W. Bush to thank. How is that, you may ask? Well, I am reminded of a story my guru Harry Cohen Baba used to tell. A well-known minister died and arrived at the Pearly Gates at the same time as a cab-driver from New York. The cabbie was ushered in, but the clergyman was left waiting outside. After waiting and waiting and waiting, he finally called over the attending angel. “Excuse me, but I’m a renowned minister. How come you let that cab-driver in, and I’m left waiting out here?” “Well,” the angel said, “when you preached, everyone slept. But when he drove, everyone prayed.”
For millennia, spiritual teachers have been calling on us to go for the highest common denominator, but we’ve always seemed to end up with the lowest common dominator instead. And now, George W. Bush has done what preachers, teachers and other far-sighted visionaries have failed to do up until now: His policies have been so alarming, that he has awakened a slumbering body politic that slept through all previous alarms. Where others have failed, he has people all across the world praying, “God help us!” And instead of waiting for an intervention from above -- after all, we cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever -- people are beginning to help themselves, and even more importantly, help each other.
Sure, there are still plenty of Not-Sees out there who insist on not seeing that we humans are all in the same boat. The good news is, more and more Americans are getting that sinking feeling that there’s only one Earthship, and ignoring a leak because it’s “on the other side of the boat,” is a mistake of titanic proportions.
We Are the Leaders We’ve Been Waiting For
America, the world’s only super-power, doesn’t need a revolution. We’ve already had one, thank you. What is needed now -- and what has already begun -- is the American Evolution where enough of us wake up and see that those two political parties have been partying on our dime, and we the people haven’t been invited. Time to go beyond choosing the lesser of two weasels. If we want to evolve the dream of our Founding Fathers -- instead of devolve into the nightmare of Big Brother -- we must become the leaders we’ve been waiting for. I’ve said it before. The only force more powerful than a super-power is a Super-Duper Power -- the power of the people plus the power of love. And anyone who doesn’t believe we are a Super-Duper Power, well they have been super-duped!
It’s true, many people still feel that the affairs of the world should be left to the bolder and badder among us. But look what that leaves us with: Are you satisfied choosing between Saddam Hussein and George Who’s-Not-Sane? Now I know those “God, guns and guts” Old Testament Christians might have forgotten, but Jesus did say that the meek shall inherit the earth. In all undue immodesty, maybe it’s time for us meek folks to boldly step forth and accept our inheritance.
Steve Bhaerman is a writer, humorist and uncommontator who's been posing as cosmic comic Swami Beyondananda for the past 20 years. As the Swami, Steve is the author of four books including his latest, Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction. His website is www.wakeuplaughing.com.
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