I can't begin to tell everyone here how much I love it when election time winds down to crunch time. It's then and only then that the real gems show up, and the real shit starts hitting the fan.
Case in point, Ted Haggard, leader of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals, a vocal opponent of same-sex marriage. It seems the revved-up Reverend resigned Thursday after being accused of having sex with a man. Haggard also stepped aside as head of his 14,000-member New Life Church while a church panel investigates, saying he could "not continue to minister under the cloud created by the accusations."
The really juicy part is not only was he having sex with this man, Mike Jones, Haggard was also paying to have sex with him. Yes, if we are to believe the story (and I do), not only was this leader of the Religious Reich speaking out against gay marriage while having gay sex, he was also paying for his "sodomite" booty calls. Gee, I've never had to pay for it.
For the past three years, Haggard has been reportedly paying Mr. Jones two hundred dollars once a month for a nice roll in the hay. That in and of itself is the kind of revelation I live to read or hear in the press. If that were where the story began and ended, that would be more than enough for me.
However, the dirt only gets deeper from there. Not only was the revved-up Reverend Haggard paying to take a monthly ride on the baloney pony, he was also snorting crystal methamphetamine to give himself that extra sinful kick. Even that pales in comparison to the fact that there are voicemails from Haggard to Jones where the revved-up Reverend requests his methamphetamine by asking for, "either $100 or $200 supply."
Yes, there are voicemails, and according to Mr. Jones, they are, "pretty damning." Here's one that's pretty damning: "Hi Mike, this is Art [Haggard's pseudonym], I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I'll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever."
Lest you think this is all smoke, and no fire, it seems there may be some flames underlying it all. Haggard is a married father of five. He has been called one of the most influential evangelical Christians in the nation. He has denied the allegations. However, the acting senior pastor at New Life, Ross Parsley, told KKTV-TV of Colorado Springs that Haggard admitted that some of the accusations were true, but Parsley did not elaborate.
Some of the accusations are true. Which ones, I wonder: the sex, the drugs, or the money. Maybe the truth is all the accusations are true. In one breath, Haggard denies the allegations, in another; he admits there is some truth in them. Which one is it? One cannot deny out of one side of the mouth, and admit there is some truth. Maybe, as with all serious homophobes, this is yet another case of the lady protesting too much.
I have said on numerous occasions the most vocal and pernicious gay bashers are gay themselves. If it is proved to be true that the revved-up Reverend was paying for booty calls with another man, as well as a dose or three of crystal meth, once again, my theory will be proved correct.
I just love it when hypocrites get the exposure they so richly deserve. Call it a weakness for watching the great fall, but I can't get enough of it. Much like Foleygate, hearing this kind of tawdry happening always makes my day.
The thing that makes this particular story so much more pleasing than any of the Foleygate dirt is that it's happening to a member of the Religious Reich. I have a special place in my heart reserved for members of the Reich who can't keep their instruments sheathed. So, obviously in this case, you can just imagine how happy I am to read this bit of news. The only thing that would have made it better is if it had been about Scary Jerry Falwell or the Insane Clown Pussy, Pat Robertson.
I do believe if I ever heard that either one of those charlatans were caught with their pants around their ankles with a sweaty man behind them, I'd have to hop up and start dancing like a complete and total fool!
I can't help but be amused by the way things have turned out in the news for the Republicans. For a little while there, I was a bit pissed at John Kerry for his "botched" joke. Now, I just have to say, botch a few more, John. The Republicans and all their neo-con minions need all the help they can get.
Here we are, less than five days to the midterms, and the Republicans have done everything in their power to self-destruct. The Abramoff Scandal has borne evil fruit. Foleygate has brought its stark and lurid spotlight to shine upon the hypocrisy, mendacity, and the care only about themselves and their position attitude of the Republican Party. David Kuo's book has exposed the DUBYA regime for the liars that they are. Now we have the revved-up Reverend snorting crystal meth and paying for man sex. If there isn't a real turn over come the eight, then it's time to get out the torches and pitchforks. Oh yes, if this isn't enough fuel to make everyone and their brother pull the lever for Democrats, then the elections were fixed, and it's time for a real revolution.
I want to be completely clear on one point since as I re-read this article, I wasn't as clear as I'd have hoped. The "what" of this tawdry little affair is nowhere near as important as the "who". I don't care if the revved-up Reverend and his pay-per-suck buddy were hanging from the ceiling like bats wanking and giggling at each other. I don't care if they were sitting in a hot tub facing each other and farting. That's not the issue at all.
The issue is hypocrisy. Here we have the revved-up Reverend spewing his gay bashing vitriol every Sunday, while having a monthly pay-per-suck with another man.
He stood at that pulpit and condemned my kind. He and his Religious Reich buddies have been going out of their way to use us as whipping boys, and a way to mobilize their fanatical neo-con holier than thou base. He preached against us while effectively being one of us.
That's what really pisses me off. Frankly, I don't even care about the fact that the revved-up Reverend paid for his monthly dose of cock. I actually think that part of the story adds a bit of ribald humor to an otherwise complete offense to the senses.
Haggard is a hypocrite, and the worst kind, I might add. Much like the Log Cabin Republicans, he'd rather sell out his own happiness and satisfaction in life for the thirty pieces of silver he gets for betraying his own kind. His hypocrisy demands he feel the harshest rebuke possible for his actions. Let him face the music that he has been forcing on the rest of us.
Fuck him, the horse he rode in on, and the guy he pays to do the fucking. If hell exists, there is a special place already reserved for the revved up Reverend and his kind. I hope he enjoys it!
Blessed be!
Pappy
by
Pappy (61 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 863 comments)
on Friday, November 3, 2006 at 2:50:49 PM
You know folks, this story keeps getting better. Whereas yesterday, the revved-up Reverend was denying everything, today, he admitted to buying the crystal meth, and getting a naked massage from his hot to trot escort.
Ok, let's see if I have this straight (hehehe, yeah, right)...Haggard admitted to purchasing the drugs, but he threw it away. He says he was tempted, but he just couldn't do it. My question is, was that the first time, or a few times after that one where the drugs were thrown away.
As much as I admire Bill Clinton, I never bought the, "I didn't inhale," line. I have no love at all for this drunk with power evangelical preacher. Therefore, it stands to reason I don't buy his bullshit either.
According to his accuser, Mark Jones, Haggard purchased crystal meth on several occasions. According to the voicemails I heard, "Art" was looking for one to two hundred dollars worth of meth. While I am sure he has lots of money at his disposal willingly given to him by his sheep, I doubt very much that he's going to purchase meth on several occasions, then just throw it away.
That's not the end of the bullshit, though. Saying he only received a massage, and nothing else from Mr. Jones has such a ring of bullshit to it, I can't believe he didn't come up with a better lie. I mean, come on, even I could come up with a more convincing lie, and I am out and proud!
So let's take a quick stock. Haggard began by denying the entirety of the story. Then he admitted that he bought some meth...bought it but didn't use it. Then he said that he got a massage, nothing more. Oh, yeah, and I forgot, supposedly he met Mr. Jones through a hotel bellman. Mr. Jones claims he met "Art" through a gay web site.
Obviously either Haggard thinks we are all stupid, or he's the worst liar ever to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Well, he can lie all he wants. He is as transparent as glass. I don't think there is any denying he not only bought and used the meth, but he also paid for and received a right proper rogering from his escort friend.
I think this proves a few things. First, it proves that the biggest homo haters are homos. Secondly, even if you are the supposed leader of a group of the Religious Reich; someone who supposedly has a fucking hotline to god, that doesn't stop those pesky same-sex desires. Third, it proves you should NEVER EVER piss off a queen. Fourth, no matter how hard you try to force the issue, if you are gay, there is no way you can escape it.
Sorry about your luck there, "Art". Perhaps this little episode will teach you something about humility. Either that, or you'll take a big puff on the business end of your favorite handgun. In either case, I know I will sleep more soundly knowing that yet another homophobic gay basher has been exposed for the butt sex loving, cock smoking faggot that he is. Thanks, "Art", I owe you one!
Blessed be!
Pappy
by
Pappy (61 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 863 comments)
on Saturday, November 4, 2006 at 2:37:02 AM
While I am disheartened by the fact that only I have given commentary upon my own article, at least I have been afforded the ability to cover the entirety of this story. From it's wretched beginnings to it's less than dramatic end, It's been my baby here.
So about that end. The revved-up Reverend was fired Saturday for what his church, The New Life Church, called "sexual immorality". While they didn't define the meaning of "sexual immorality", I think in this case it's pretty freaking obvious what that immorality was. While the revved-up Reverend has yet to cop to the fact that he was playing a game of hide the sausage with Mark Jones, his favorite gay tax deduction, I believe we can read between the lines on this one. Since I doubt a simple massage could be seen as "sexual immorality", perhaps the revved-up Reverend actually admitted his nasty pants activities to the members of his church board.
Of course, what I find most laughable about this is the fact that no one has groaned or whined about the use of crystal meth, the only part of the story which the revved-up Reverend admitted to doing. While he also added that he didn't use the drugs he bought (yeah, yeah, sure, sure), the fact remains he did spend a goodly chunk of the godly money he receieved from his willingly sheared sheep on what is being called the most dangerous drug available today. Gee, crack must have moved up the scale while I wasn't watching. Oh well, such is life.
Anyway, with all that said, the reason I am writing this is because it's now official, Ted Haggard, the revved-up, meth-buying-but-not-using, naked-massage-receiving-but-nothing-else, hot blooded, hypocritical leader of the National Association of Evangelicals and the one-time pastor of the New Life Church has officially "confessed" his sins to his flock.
In what I am sure was a performance at least as Oscar worthy as Jimmy Swaggart, the revved-up Reverend offered the following words to his flock: "I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you," he said, adding that he had confused the situation by giving inconsistent remarks to reporters denying the scandal.
"The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life," he said.
Now perhaps I should feel sorry for him, and admittedly, I do in a way. I have known many closet cases in my life, and every one of them has created a huge shit-pile of misery in their own lives because they couldn't face the truth of their dirty little secrets. I can only theorize on the kind of misery such self-denial can cause.
With that said, I can only say that, as the old saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Every closet case that I have known that finally admits their true desires comes to a place in their life where they find peace from their struggles. A preacher should know that. After all, are there not enough biblical verses that remind us that honesty is part of what Jesus was all about?
Also, this should serve as a lesson to the general public. The next time you hear some do-gooder fuckhead gay bashing, or in general making any kind of disparaging remarks about homosexuals, step back for a minute and ask yourself what are they trying to hide. While there are many in this society that find the idea of homosexuality distasteful (as they do most sexual activities), those who go to the extreme end of the spectrum in their outright condemnation of it do so because they have a good reason: they are gay themselves. Let me say that again for complete clarity. Those who go to the extreme end of the spectrum in their outright condemnation of it do so because they have a good reason: they are gay themselves.
I have been in the game long enough and have seen enough people show their asses on this issue to know of what I speak. The only reason Scary Jerry Falwell and the rest of the gay-bashing charlatans out there haven't been discovered YET is they are very secretive. It is only a matter of time until their chickens come home to roost. When the day dawns that happens, I will be here (hopefully) to dance with glee as I watch them fall from the ivory towers of their crystal cathedrals.
Blessed be!
Pappy
by
Pappy (61 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 863 comments)
on Sunday, November 5, 2006 at 1:17:48 PM
