Every four years, we get Coke vs. Pepsi. MasterCard vs. Visa. McDonald's vs. Burger King. Leno vs. Letterman. Can you differentiate between the campaign quotes below?

1. "We will keep America the strongest nation in the world. And we will couple that strength with firm diplomacy—no apologies, no regrets. Always willing to negotiate for peace, but never conceding anything without getting a concession in return."

2. "My number one responsibility is to defend this country, to maintain its security. And I put a strong defense at the top of my priority list, and it's going to be maintained this way."

3. "The question before us all, that faces all Republicans and all Democrats, is: can freedom in the next generation conquer, or are the [INSERT VILLAIN HERE] going to be successful? That's the great issue. And if we meet our responsibilities, I think freedom will conquer. If we fail, if we fail to move ahead, if we fail to develop sufficient military and economic and social strength here in this country, then I think that the tide could begin to run against us. And I don't want historians ten years from now to say these were the years when the tide ran out for the United States. I want them to say these were the years when the tide came in. These were the years when the United States started to move again."

4. "Am I prepared to go get them before they get us if we locate them and have sufficient intelligence? You bet I am. I will never allow any other country to veto what we need to do and I will never allow any other institution to veto what we need to do to protect our nation."

5. "Peace is made by the fact of strength-economic, military, and strategic. Peace is lost when such strength disappears, or, just as bad, is seen by an adversary as disappearing."

6. "No President should ever hesitate to use force—unilaterally if necessary—to protect ourselves and our vital interests when we are attacked or imminently threatened."

Answers:
1. Richard Nixon: 1960
2. Jimmy Carter: 1980
3. John F. Kennedy: 1960 (of course, the villains were "communists")
4. Ronald Reagan: 1980
5. John Kerry: 2004
6. Barack Obama: 2007

The next time someone tells you America has a two-party system, I suggest you demand a recount.

Mickey Z. is the author of the forthcoming novel, CPR for Dummies (Raw Dog Screaming Press). He can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net.