March 16, 2006 at 07:00:00

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Satan and Ben and Jerry's in the Garden of Eden

By Linda Hoffenberg, author unknown, Posted by Joan Brunwasser (about the submitter)     Page 1 of 1 page(s)

opednews.com     Permalink

For OpEdNews: Posted by Joan Brunwasser - Writer

>
>In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the earth and populated
>the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and
>red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
>healthy lives.
>
>Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
>and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
>And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add
>some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
>
>And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
>that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
>wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from
>size 12 to size 18.
>
>So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
>Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.
>And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
>
>God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
>in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
>chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
>more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
>
>God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
>Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
>named it "Devil's Food."
>
>God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
>those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
>would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
>and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
>
>Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
>with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
>starchy center into chips and deep -fried them. And Man gained
>pounds.
>
>God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
>still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
>99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And
>Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."
>And Man went into cardiac arrest.
>
>God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created
>HMOs.
>
>
>
>Thought for the day . . . There is more money being spent on
>breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This
>means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with
>perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
>do with them.
>
>If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be
>five fewer people laughing in the world

 

 

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