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October 10, 2008 at 22:50:34
Promoted to Headline (H3) on 10/10/08: by Rip Rense Page 1 of 3 page(s) |
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"You are going to feel some discomfort," the doctor said beforehand.
And this atomic bomb is going to hurt a little bit, Hiroshima.
I essentially levitated. My whole body spontaneously rose off the examining table. I called out enthusiastically for Jesus Christ, but as usual, he didn't show. I stopped just short of throttling that doctor. When I eventually left the office, the people in the waiting room stared at me, wide-eyed.
I feel worse than this every time I see Sarah Palin.
My car once accidentally brushed against the side mirror of a car next to me, on a street in Taiwan. The occupants of the other car---gang punks, it turned out---chased me to a stoplight, got out, and proceeded to kick (that's correct, kick) me and my former wife. One kick instantly stopped my right arm from functioning, and I could do nothing but yell for help until, luckily, cops came running. (To ask, "Why didn't you fight back?")
I feel worse than this every time I see Sarah Palin.
I once had a barium enema.
I feel worse than this ever time I see Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin is like something that hides in the closet in a Three Stooges movie. She is Nurse Ratchett, Madame LaFarge (with less ethics), Heather Mills. She is Hillary without a brain, Madonna without producers. With tattooed lips, bared teeth, plumage hair, she is like some strange half-bird, half-woman predator in a dream, who shows up each night to peck at my liver the way that vulture did to Prometheus. Squawking, smiling, pecking, never blinking those framed, painted Pat Collins hypnotic eyeballs. Peck peck. Squawk. Smile. Doggone it! Peck. Smile. Say it ain't so, Joe! Awk! Peck peck.
I hereby declare the following with no more hesitation than she felt when accepting the vice-presidential offer: Sarah Palin is the greatest threat in the world to the United States, with the possible exception of terrorists with nuclear weapons. Possible exception.
Words fail me. This is a blue-ice-cold, megalomaniacal demon virago fit for a Stephen King novel. The female equivalent of Martin Sheen's character in "The Dead Zone." You can see that frozen beauty queen grin and hear that just-plain-folks chirp when she proclaims, "The missiles are flying. Hallelujah." Of course, she would probably add something like, "Moholakashaka voogoodoogoo."
Palin is further proof that the ills of mankind can primarily be attributed to excessive amounts of sexual intercourse. Miss Congeniality? Miss Congenital Vanity. She stunningly combines the two most impoverished of all human qualities: ignorance, and arrogance. If she were a plant, she'd be crabgrass. She will do or say anything to acquire power, then guard it like, yes, a pit bull (with lipstick). She is a self-reward machine. Period. (And given the behavior of her children, one hopes that hers will stop soon.)
Consider Palin's repeated remarks about how Sen. Barack Obama is "pallin' around with terrorists." Yow. Take a giant step back for a second. The Republican vice-presidential candidate has just implicitly accused a United States senator and Democratic presidential candidate of supporting anti-American terrorism. There's no other way to read it. Imagine that. The audacity, the irresponsibility. What sane person would believe such a thing?
Of course, linking voters with sanity is like shoveling smoke with a pitchfork in the wind.
But what sane---okay, how about just responsible---person would assert such a thing? What patriotic person would assert such a thing? Bill Ayers, the ex-Weather Underground radical, is a professor at the University of Chicago, and was Chicago's "Citizen of the Year" in 1997. For him to have thrown a party to help kick off Obama's senate campaign, well, that sure proves that Barack is just itching to bomb the Pentagon, doesn't it?
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| 12 comments |
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Peck Peck...Squawk
Jesus told me to tell you he was crucified once but everytime he sees both you and Sarah Palin he feels even worse than that. Jesus is quite a character & I am, too! I wrote a short story where Jesus returns to earth in a human body but of course no one knows he's Jesus. He's hanging out on some street corner in anywhere America smoking a cigarette. Someone comes up to him and says, "Those things are bad for you." Jesus replies, "What are they going to do kill me?" Another short story is Jesus is hanging out on a street corner in America & someone comes up to him telling him all about himself without knowing he is Jesus. Jesus says to the person, "I am just here trying to find out where the people went who lived here before the Europeans arrived." As the famous comedian Henny Indian once said, "Take my land, Pleeeaaaseee!!! by shadow dancer (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1118 comments [121 recommended, 2 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 1:06:11 AM  (0+)
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thanks rip
a thoroughly enjoyable and right on the money read to go with my first cup of coffee this morning. p.s. really sorry about that testicle of yours. by Cheryl Biren-Wright (30 articles, 42 quicklinks, 8 diaries, 485 comments [8 recommended, 2 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 6:24:38 AM (0+)
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Reply: brilliant; and above the fray
This was too funny... and the kind of slam that shows we don't have to stoop to misogyny to express our distaste for Palin. clearly, words do not fail him. by Rady Ananda (182 articles, 374 quicklinks, 49 diaries, 1718 comments [201 recommended, 2 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 10:39:13 AM (0+)
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Reply: good point rady
and the kind of slam that shows we don't have to stoop to misogyny to express our distaste for Palin. agreed. i think rip's a keeper. by Cheryl Biren-Wright (30 articles, 42 quicklinks, 8 diaries, 485 comments [8 recommended, 2 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 3:13:06 PM (0+)
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Sarah the Impaler
Personally, I think you were way too easy on her. by Diane Vandermast (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 18 comments) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 8:32:52 AM (0+)
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Squawk squawk
I would love to say I laughed my a** off, but it's still there! Great article. Some of the finest knife work I've ever read, worthy of a master chef. Slice, dice, and skewer! It certainly made my day. by Debbie Scally (4 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 99 comments [6 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 12:56:36 PM (0+)
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Your article demonstrates sharp observation...
on your part, and it is superbly written. by John Sanchez Jr. (9 articles, 0 quicklinks, 25 diaries, 1793 comments [148 recommended, 3 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 1:13:19 PM (0+)
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SHE'S JUAN McCAIN'S EVITA.....
And history's most ferocious social climber, climbing right out of some frozen tundra ice hole to become the New Age Ice Queen of the Frozen Right.... "Don't cry for me, Pasadena.....!" by muservin (4 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 78 comments [5 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 6:47:43 PM (0+)
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Bagawk!
Thanks for this. I thank my God everyday for blogs and OPED's!! There are too many people watching and believing everything being packaged to them by the media. I call them "Walking talking points". I know too many of them, and I fully intend to send a shock down their spine with your article. Don't hate me if you get hate mail....it's for their own good! by Steph Fauxco (6 articles, 0 quicklinks, 7 diaries, 72 comments [3 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 at 9:54:42 PM (0+)
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Shades of Michael Moore's corporate fighting chicken
Rip, thanks for a superb skewering of the mindless right. Some of the best satire since Jonathon Swift. Keep it up. by Larry Retzack (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 43 comments) on Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 at 2:02:43 AM (0+)
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Appalin Palin
by Roy Murtishaw (14 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 81 comments) on Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 at 7:45:46 PM (0+)
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Peck, peck.....,
You know I did laugh- though my Christian sensibilities made me feel sorry for her. I felt - nobody but nobody deserved all those distasteful comparisons. Talk about enlarging on a premise, you probably have no equals. But as much as I don't like Palin, it was much too much for me. I never thought I would react this way, but I'm glad that I have. Something about my Christian faith has begun to show. I clearly expect some one to belittle my views - hack away, I have a conscience. by Suzana Megles (66 articles, 0 quicklinks, 22 diaries, 364 comments [43 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Oct 13, 2008 at 1:32:17 PM (0+)
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