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used with permission: www.whatnowtoons.com
Working as both mirror and impetus to our deranged
discourse, the rightwing primary continues to bless us with stunning
revelations worth every single cringe-worthy moment. And this eye-popping field
sets the record, establishing new redneck standards. Why, I can't recall so many obvious freaks in one
party since, knee-high to a grasshopper, I wandered through my first, weird-smelling
Ringling. Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus.
Who of us will ever forget this French guillotine of a
primary, as inept jesters instantly rise up only to get beheaded, like
sacrificial winners of those prehistoric ball games? And it's not over, though I soulfully regret Michele
Bachmann "stepping aside" and Rick Perry's looming departure. Perry's never-say-die doggedness
harkens to his brave Alamo forebears -- except they were skilled warriors who could
shoot straight. Okay, the buffoons
are exiting faster than falling bricks, but there are still loony Texans plus
two nasty goons (Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum) on the prowl.
Let's tabulate the dividends paid so far, though readers
will add more before Mitt Romney wins a reluctant coronation (and if not, all
hell will break lose -- yum, yum).
1) The Vast Rightwing Pandering Machine (VRPM)
appears bottomless, brazenly throwing mud in every direction. The more outrageous the lies, the more
hayseeds swallow it. Could we
truly end up with Wall Street-loving Obama (cast as "socialist
destroyer of America") vs. the Wall Street-loving Romney (cast as the evil
"vulture capitalist")? Be still,
my beating heart.
2) The Tea Party base, a study in perpetual
bewilderment, shines forth its perplexity compounded by multiple personality
disorders. What else explains its
desperate lurch from one shiny surface to the next, darting like hysterical
fish in too small a bowl?
3) Remember Ratatouille's motto, "anyone can cook"? This band of boobs proves "anyone can
run" -- put out enough cash, ego, celebrity or gall and the media hobnobs.
4) Former suckers to Palin, Trump, Bachmann, Cain,
and Perry, the base now cheers on Santorum AND Gingrich AND Ron Paul -- joining
the "government stinks" Bush-lite crowd headlined by the infinitely adjustable
Romney.
5) Paul proves, especially for naive youngsters,
that half-a-candidate sounds better than none, or doubled-downed pettifoggers. Alas, to learn the
Moralistic Majority still favors bombing Iran to peace and Social
Security/Medicare to libertarian dreams of "free-market freedoms."
6) Rethug bigwigs still rule, letting has-beens and
losers propel mock drama (and the illusion of public choice) while safely going with
Romney. Who says the fringe isn't
tolerant and open-minded? Why, judging by Newt's status, they disqualify entrants only with jail
time, felonies or non-Biblical sexual encounters.
7) Perry died on the vine because it takes no
brains to understand "dumber than W." just won't wash. Here, here for high standards.
8) That Trump and Cain -- fraudulent political
non-entities -- lasted more than 15 minutes evinces not just stunning stupidity
about what presidents do, but how much damage a compromised scam artist can do
in no time.
9) If your frontrunner is a plastic, inauthentic
automaton, make him look heroic by contrast with the least appealing gang ever
to run. Spice up the melodrama,
even comic relief, when your lead character is devoid of personality, charisma,
or solutions.
10) Rightwing candidates are incorrigible deceivers if they
believe their own cartoon logic that rich people 1) create good jobs with spare
change; 2) alone earned all their millions; and 3) daringly overcame untold
obstacles that liberals forced in their way.
Throw in your two cents. I take solace when a free TV series fully dramatizes the
capricious obtuseness of a major party.
What reality show, not heavy with satire, would dare try the
whack-a-mole plot from Trump through Santorum? We snarling satirists, for one thing, now have to modify our
stereotype that the rigid GOP base is stuck in its ways. What, that clueless, spinning mass
desperate for the perfect messiah is flexible enough to accept Romney the
Mediocre. Let's not rule out
rumors of late entries, like that dubious buzz Sarah Palin could throw in (or
up) her hairball into the ring. That would top it, with her tall tales full sound of fury, signifying
nothing.
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