used with permission: www.whatnowtoons.com
Working as both mirror and impetus to our deranged discourse, the rightwing primary continues to bless us with stunning revelations worth every single cringe-worthy moment. And this eye-popping field sets the record, establishing new redneck standards. Why, I can't recall so many obvious freaks in one party since, knee-high to a grasshopper, I wandered through my first, weird-smelling Ringling. Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus.
Who of us will ever forget this French guillotine of a primary, as inept jesters instantly rise up only to get beheaded, like sacrificial winners of those prehistoric ball games? And it's not over, though I soulfully regret Michele Bachmann "stepping aside" and Rick Perry's looming departure. Perry's never-say-die doggedness harkens to his brave Alamo forebears -- except they were skilled warriors who could shoot straight. Okay, the buffoons are exiting faster than falling bricks, but there are still loony Texans plus two nasty goons (Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum) on the prowl.
Let's tabulate the dividends paid so far, though readers will add more before Mitt Romney wins a reluctant coronation (and if not, all hell will break lose -- yum, yum).
1) The Vast Rightwing Pandering Machine (VRPM) appears bottomless, brazenly throwing mud in every direction. The more outrageous the lies, the more hayseeds swallow it. Could we truly end up with Wall Street-loving Obama (cast as "socialist destroyer of America") vs. the Wall Street-loving Romney (cast as the evil "vulture capitalist")? Be still, my beating heart.
2) The Tea Party base, a study in perpetual bewilderment, shines forth its perplexity compounded by multiple personality disorders. What else explains its desperate lurch from one shiny surface to the next, darting like hysterical fish in too small a bowl?
3) Remember Ratatouille's motto, "anyone can cook"? This band of boobs proves "anyone can run" -- put out enough cash, ego, celebrity or gall and the media hobnobs.
4) Former suckers to Palin, Trump, Bachmann, Cain, and Perry, the base now cheers on Santorum AND Gingrich AND Ron Paul -- joining the "government stinks" Bush-lite crowd headlined by the infinitely adjustable Romney.
5) Paul proves, especially for naive youngsters, that half-a-candidate sounds better than none, or doubled-downed pettifoggers. Alas, to learn the Moralistic Majority still favors bombing Iran to peace and Social Security/Medicare to libertarian dreams of "free-market freedoms."
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