Dick Cheney and the Divorce Court Fabergé egg.

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By Ed Tubbs (about the author) Page 1 of 2 page(s)

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Dick Cheney and the Divorce Court Fabergé egg.

click here(redacted).pdf

Decades back, before divorce got to be so everyday, afternoon television featured a program called “Divorce Court.” It could have been called “Rocky, the gloves are off,” as one combatant spouse attempted to TKO a pugnacious, pugilistic ex-partner.

However, as a student, I never saw the production; I was aware of it, and I can now imagine how one episode's sparring might have gone.

Announcer: After a short break [commercial], the parties are now back in court. Today's case is Doe v Doe, and Mrs. Doe is suing Mr. Doe for divorce, alleging extreme mental cruelty inflicted upon her by Mr. Doe. In earlier testimony, Mrs. Doe recalled the heated argument in the couple's kitchen, when Mr. Doe admitted having an affair with his cousin, a paraplegic faith healer who was living next door at the time. During the argument, Mrs. Doe testified that, in a burst of rage, she smashed the $1,250,000 Fabergé heirloom egg that had been given to Mr. Doe as a gift from Saudi Prince Aba Dabba Doo when Mr. Doe was confirmed as Secretary of Defense. Mr. Doe has taken the stand and is being questioned by Mrs. Doe's attorney.

Attorney: Mr. Doe, please tell the court, in your own words, about the relationship you had with your cousin.

Mr. Doe: Well, ah, it was amicable. We've always had a friendly relationship.

Attorney: (After glancing at an hysterically sobbing [cue loud, hysterical wailing] Mrs. Doe, sitting hunched over at the plaintiff's table.) We're prepared to stipulate that the relationship was, as you say, ‘amicable' and ‘friendly.' But, did you have an illicit love affair with your cousin?

Mr. Doe: I, ah, well, I don't recall it being anything at all like that. I'm sorry, I just don't recall.

Attorney: (Rifling the pages of Mrs. Doe's deposition, taken before entering the courtroom) Mr. Doe, I find that incredible. According to your wife's sworn deposition, that I'm holding in my hands, on the evening of the 5th, only three weeks ago, you admitted to her that you were having an affair. And yet you now claim you have no recollection of the affair. Do you remember the argument you had in your own kitchen, when your wife took the Fabergé egg that Prince Aba Dabba Doo had presented to you and crushed it under her foot?

Mr. Doe: Well, I, ah, remember something about an egg. But more than that . . . I'm sorry, I just don't recall the specifics; you know: what kind of egg it was, or anything like that.

Attorney: Mr. Doe . . . Really. A $1,250,000 Fabergé egg . . . presented to you by the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, and you don't remember you wife stomping on it? That's difficult for any of us to believe. Do you recall the argument in the kitchen, what it was about?

Mr. Doe: I, ah, do remember she was upset about something. I remember we talked about a lot of things. We're married. Married people talk about a lot of stuff, and I can't remember the topic or details of every conversation we've had over the years. I just don't recall much about that particular evening, is all. Maybe it was about the cat's litter box. I'm always forgetting to clean it. But if it was anything more than that . . . I'm sorry.

Now back to the real world. Take a gander at the just released unredacted transcript of the 05/08/2004 FBI interview of Vice President Richard B. Cheney. (Referenced above) The issue dealt with in the interview was the public release of the identity of Valerie Plame by “Scooter” Lewis Libby, a close and long-time confidential associate of the vice president. At the time of the release of her identity, Ms. Plame was working for the CIA, as an undercover agent, and any such disclosure of her identity composed a serious breach of federal law.

According to the released FBI transcript, the vice president remembered nothing about any conversations he had with Mr. Libby, concerning the Plame affair - who released what to whom, or when, no matter that the right hand man of the vice president — convicted of perjury, obstruction of justice and of lying to the FBI — had testified about having such conversations with the vice president!

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An "Old Army Vet" and liberal, qua liberal, with a passion for open inquiry in a neverending quest for truth unpoisoned by religious superstitions. Per Voltaire: "He who can lead you to believe an absurdity can lead you to commit an atrocity."

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