The Birthday of Occupy: Reflections on New York's Fattest

By Charles M. Young

Is there anything less threatening than a morbidly obese cop on motor scooter?

Okay, 25 morbidly obese cops on motor scooters--that's even more unthreatening. When I'm out in the streets chanting, "Show me what a police state looks like! THIS is what a police state looks like!" I think I have a right to be oppressed by proper storm troopers who have spent enough time at the gym to bristle instead of sag. They don't have to be television actors or anything, but as a taxpayer, am I getting my money's worth when I'm being beaten and arrested by a parade of fried dumplings?

I'm going to be fair here and admit that I did see a morbidly obese cop on a motor scooter run over somebody's foot last fall. That was moderately threatening until the ambulance arrived.

Note to Mayor Bloomberg: Is this why you banned the 32 oz. Big Gulps? All the guards at your cement bunker on East 79th Street were getting diabetes?

Note to Commissioner Kelly: Make your cops get off the motor scooters and chase those anarchists on foot. It's good exercise. You might lose some anarchists, but think how much less embarrassing it will be to display fewer bulges in blue uniforms the next time Obama ties up midtown.

 At least 60% of the NYPD looks like the governor of New Jersey. Where is your pride?

It must be uncomfortable to have a hundred pounds of potbelly squeezing like toothpaste out the edges of those bullet-proof vests. You guys aren't fooling anyone, using those vests like girdles.