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Campaign Promises

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Reworked joke to remove sexism; thanks to Mark Smith

::::::::

The Senator

While walking down the street one day a U.S. Senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed. The Senator's soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."And with that, the Senator is escorted to the elevator by St. Peter goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and the Senator is in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all the Senator's friends and political colleagues.Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet the Senator, shake hands, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives the Senator a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and soon the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So the Senator is escorted to the elevator by St. Peter goes down, down, down to hell.

Now, the doors of the elevator open and the Senator is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. The Senator's friends are now dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over and puts his arm around the Senator's shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at the Senator, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

 

In 2004, Rady Ananda joined the growing community of (more...)
 

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