Blaming the Victim (Satire)
By Stan Sinberg
News item: Falling far short of all predictions, only 32,000 jobs were added to the economy in July, a blow to President Bushs re-election campaign.
The Bush Administration today blamed the abysmal job creation numbers on Democrats and liberals.
These people will do anything to prevent President Bush from winning a second term, press secretary Scott McClelland said today, Including intentionally not finding a job until after the election.
McClelland added, The Bush-haters know that a robust job recovery is part of the Presidents plan to get America to turn the corner, so they are purposely undermining this plan by staying out of work.
You have no idea how many out-of-work liberals have come up to me and said, privately, Scott, Ive been turning down great job offers left and right because Im determined to barely subsist until November 2, because itll make George Bush look bad.
I tell you, there is no end to their nefariousness.
And the Democrats who do take employment are not much better, McClelland says.
Theyre taking these low-paying jobs in which they make less than they did before, just so John Kerry can point to this as evidence of a weak recovery.
The White House emphasized that this was just the latest instance of Democratic demagoguery.
When kids are failing and dropping out of school, who do you think is behind it? Liberal parents, thats who. Theyre forcing their children to under-perform so that itll make a mockery of the Presidents Leave No Child Behind initiative. Can you imagine anything worse than parents sacrificing their childrens future because of some sick need to make the President look bad?
I tell you, theyll go to any lengths to sabotage President Bush. Why, just look at all those Democrats who are purposely losing their health insurance and getting sick, just so theyll have a chance for a dramatic photo op at the Republican National Convention later this month. Youll have these pitiful looking people showing up with wheelchairs and respirators holding up signs like I Lost My Health Care To a Millionaires Tax Cut, and the viewing public will feel sorry for them and blame the President, not aware that its a shameless Democratic ploy.
The liberals are aware that after 9/11, with the nation under attack, the President was determined to show the terrorists that America remained strong. When all these Democrats refuse to work, drop out of school, and lose their health care, they make the country look weak, and the terrorists win.
Democrats reacted angrily to McClellands charge. Said a Kerry spokesman, I suppose the President is going to say that the atmosphere is a Democrat, because global warming is increasing. I suppose the President is going to say that the budget is a liberal, because we have record deficits. I suppose the President is going to say that the English language is a Democrat because it keeps tripping Bush up.
To which McClelland replied, We hadnt thought of those, but were looking into it.
One Democrat strategist countered with the theory that all the gays getting married are Republicans, trying to stir up their base.
Why, of all times, are they getting married during an election year? Because theyre secretly conservatives, and they know its going to get a lot of pissed-off Republicans to the polls.
When asked about this, McClelland replied, Thats just ludicrous. That shows you how the Democrats are just into blame, blame blame.
At the end of the press conference, McClelland was asked whether American soldiers dying in Iraq were Democrats purposely sacrificing their lives in order to turn the country against the President.
We would never say that, McClelland replied. What do you take us for?