Do you wonder what Sarah Palin's "higher calling" really is? In this biting satire, award-winning journalist Walter Brasch gives you an idea.

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by Walter Brasch

            Sarah Palin said she had a "higher calling" that required her to resign 17 months before her term ended as governor of Alaska, and not to seek a second term.

            I have no idea where this "higher calling" came from, but I suspect it could only have come from two sources. The first one is God. I don't know what God said to Sarah Palin, but I suspect it might have been something like this:

            "Sarah. I am a patient God. But, you have tried my patience. You are an embarrassment to my ideals, to yourself, to the people of your state, and to your country. Me, and my wolves and moose, would like you to please resign and devote the rest of your life in spiritual embrace of a better life. Oh, by the way, I knew a Sarah, and you are no Sarah."

            The other possibility of her "higher calling" is from the Sultan of Greed. I also haven't talked to him about Sarah Palin's "Higher Calling," but this is a possibility of that conversation:

            "So, Sarah, what do you earn as governor?"

            "About $125,000."

            "Would you like to earn more? Lots more?"

            "You betcha! Half my salary is already taken up on clothes and jewelry so I can be the best darned governor in these here greatest United States of America!"

            "Resign as governor, sign with me, and I'll get you a book deal worth millions."

            "But I've never written nothing before."

            "All you'll have to do is talk into a tape recorder. We'll correct some of your facts, add some stuff, take out some stuff, and make you sound as if you were Hillary Clinton but without all that liberal nonsense."

            "Maybe you could put in a lot of pictures. If there were a lot of pictures, I wouldn't have to have as many words."

            "We'll give you the best writers and fashion photographers. You'll be in the Best Sellers list the day our-I mean your-book is published."

            "You would do that for li'l ole me?"

            "Not only would my team do that, we'll get you speaking engagements."

            "But I already give speeches. All the conservatives want my opinions."

            "It isn't your opinions they crave, but that's another story. I can get you speeches at maybe a hundred thousand each."

            "And it's all mine!"

            "Minus expenses, administrative fees, and commissions."

            "You're taking a cut of my wisdom?"

            "Trust me, Babe, we don't want your wisdom, but that's how this business works. You want to ride, you have to pay the operator. Now, about punditry."

            "But, Sultan, I'm not so good with puns. Maybe-"

            "Not jokes, Darlin'! We'll get you a radio gig. Couple of hours a day. You just say whatever you want into a microphone."

            "That sounds tough. I might have to spend time researching issues, and reading something, like maybe a newspaper."

            "You ever listen to talk radio?"

            "No research and reading?"

            "It'll only hurt your credibility. Once we get you a radio contract, we'll move you onto TV."

            "Do you think I'll be able to do TV?"

            "You're a beauty queen. Miss Wasilla. America's favorite hockey puck."

            "Hockey mom."

            "Whatever. You're photogenic, nothing else matters. First, we get you a gig as a paid guest commentator on Fox-"

            "Like, wow, that'll be the ultimate!"

            "Sweet Cheeks, you ain't heard nothin' yet! Make the audience salivate when they see you on air, and we'll get you a regular slot. An hour, maybe more every week night."

            "Wow! Like my idols Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly? Will Fox pay for my wardrobe? That's important. My contract has to have a wardrobe and jewelry clause. And makeup. I'll need my own makeup artist. And hairdresser. I can't be seen not looking like a superstar."

            "No problem, Honey Bunch. Fox will probably throw in a personal trainer to make sure you don't gain any weight. It knows talent when it sees it."

            "And I can make millions, just like Rush and Glenn and Bill, the greatest Americans ever!"

            "Not as much as them the first year, of course. Maybe only a couple of million. But, hey, aren't I the Sultan of Greed? Am I not the one to lead you to the promised land, where you can rant all you want about high-paid celebrities and the government-controlled media? Did I not lead you to believe you have a higher calling than being a governor? Sign with Greed International, and we'll get you anything you want!"

            "Can you make my ethics problems go away?"

            "Hey, Doll, you'll be bathed by the media. Ethics won't be a problem."

            "Sounds just gosh-danged wonderful, Sultan, but do you know what I want, what I really really want?"

            "Whatever you want, we'll get. You're a money machine. So what can we get you?"

            "Maybe a full time babysitter for Todd and the kids. They might be lonely without a wife and mother."

            [Walter M. Brasch is a university professor of journalism, social issues columnist, and the author of 17 books. His current book is Sinking the Ship of State: The Presidency of George W. Bush, available from amazon.com, bn.com, and other stores. The book was a winner in the politics/social issues category of USA Book News awards, and a finalist in the Independent Book Publishing Professionals Group awards. His weekly column was this year's winner in contests sponsored by the Pennsylvania Press Club and the Society of Professional Journalists; his column received honorable mention in competition sponsored by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. Forthcoming in August is the third edition of Sex and the Single Beer Can: Probing the Media and American Culture. You may contact him at brasch@bloomu.edu or through his website, www.walterbrasch.com]

Authors Website: http://www.walterbrasch.com

Authors Bio:

Walter Brasch is an award-winning journalist and professor of journalism emeritus. His current books are Before the First Snow: Stories from the Revolution , America's Unpatriotic Acts: The Federal Government's Violation of Constitutional and Civil Rights, and 'Unacceptable': The Federal response to Hurricane Katrina, available at amazon.com, borders.com and most major on-line bookstores. BEFORE THE FIRST SNOW is also available at www.greeleyandstone.com (20 discount)

Walter Brasch, a deeply valued Senior Editor at OpEdNews passed from this world on February 9, 2017, age 71, his obituary follows:

Walter M. Brasch, Ph.D., age 71, of 2460 Second Street, Bloomsburg (Espy), died Thursday, Feb. 9, 2017, at Geisinger Medical Center, Danville surrounded by his family.

He was an award-winning former newspaper reporter and editor in California, Iowa, Indiana, and Ohio; professor emeritus of mass communications and journalism at Bloomsburg University; and an award-winning social issues journalist and book author.

Walter was born March 2, 1945, in San Diego, the son of Milton Brasch and Helen (Haskin) Brasch and was a 34 year resident of Espy.

In his early years he was a writer-producer for multimedia and film companies in California, and a copywriter and political analyst for advertising and public relations companies. For five years during the late 1990s, he was the media and social issues commentator for United Broadcasting Network. He was also the author of a syndicated newspaper column since 1992 and the creative vice-president of Scripts Destitute of Phoenix.

Dr. Brasch was a member of the Local Emergency Planning Committee and was active in the Columbia County Emergency Management Agency. He was vice-president of the Central Susquehanna chapter of the ACLU, vice-president and co-founder of the Northeast Pennsylvania Homeless Alliance, a member of the board of the Keystone Beacon Community for healthcare coordination, and was active in numerous social causes. He was co-founder with his wife Rosemary Brasch of The Oasis, a biweekly newsletter for families and friends of personnel stationed in the Persian Gulf. Later, during Operation Iraqi Freedom, they published The Oasis 2, for families of persons in combat zones. They were supported by the Bloomsburg Chapter, America Red Cross and Geisinger Medical Center, Danville.

He was the author of 20 books, most which fuse historical and contemporary social issues. Among his books are Black English and the Mass Media (1981); Forerunners of Revolution: Muckrakers and the American Social Conscience (1991); With Just Cause: The Unionization of the American Journalist (1991); Sex and the Single Beer Can: Probing the Media and American Culture (1997); Brer Rabbit, Uncle Remus, and the 'Cornfield Journalist': The Tale of Joel Chandler Harris (2000); The Joy of Sax: America During the Bill Clinton Era (2001); Unacceptable: The federal Response to Hurricane Katrina (2005); America's Unpatriotic Acts: The Federal Government's Violation of Constitutional and Civil Rights (2006); Sinking the Ship of State: The Presidency of George W. Bush (2007);  and Before the First Snow (2011). He was co-author of The Press and the State (1986), awarded Outstanding Academic Book distinction by Choice magazine, published by the American Library Association.

His last book is Fracking America: Sacrificing Health and the Environment for Short-Term Economic Benefit (2015), a critically-acclaimed novel that looks at what happens when government and energy companies form a symbiotic relationship, using "cheaper, cleaner" fuel and the lure of jobs in a depressed economy but at the expense of significant health and environmental impact.

During the past two decades, he won more than 150 regional and national media awards from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Society of Professional Journalists, National Federation of Press Women, USA Book News, Independent Book Publishing Professionals Group, Pennsylvania Press Club, Pennsylvania Women's Press Association, Pennsylvania Associated Press Broadcasters Association, Penn-writers, International Association of Business Communicators, Pacific Coast Press Club, and Press Club of Southern California. He was recognized in 2012 by the Pennsylvania Press Club with the Communicator of Achievement award for lifetime achievement in journalism and public service.

He was an Eagle Scout; co-recipient of the Civil Liberties Award of the American Civil Liberties Union, 1996; and was honored by San Diego State University as a Points of Excellence winner in 1997. In 2000, he received the Herb Caen Memorial Award of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. For the Pennsylvania Humanities Council he was twice named a Commonwealth speaker. He also received the meritorious achievement medal of the U.S. Coast Guard.

At Bloomsburg University, he earned the Creative Arts Award, the Creative Teaching Award, and was named an Outstanding Student Advisor. He received the first annual Dean's Salute to Excellence in 2002, a second award in 2007, and the Maroon and Gold Quill Award for nonfiction. He was the 2004 recipient of the Martin Luther King Jr. Humanitarian Service Award. For 22 years, he was Editor-In-Chief of the awarding-winning Spectrum Magazine, part of the journalism program of the Department of Mass Communications, Bloomsburg University until his retirement in 2010.  The community magazine was published twice a year by students for residents of Columbia and Montour counties in northeastern Pennsylvania and one of the few to be inducted into the national Associated Collegiate Press hall of fame. The magazine was also a consistent award winner in competition sponsored by the Society of Professional Journalists, Columbia Scholastic Press Association, and the American Scholastic Press Association. He primarily taught magazine editing and production, public affairs reporting, feature writing, newspaper editing; every Fall, he taught a 250-student section on mass communications and the popular arts.

 Dr. Brasch was co founder of the qualitative studies division of the Association for Education in Journalism, president of the Keystone State professional chapter and for three years deputy regional director of the Society of Professional Journalists, from which he received the Director's Award and the National Freedom of Information Award. He was president of the Pennsylvania Press Club, vice-president of the Pennsylvania Women's Press Association, and founding coordinator of Pennsylvania Journalism Educators. He was a featured columnist for Liberal Opinion Week, senior correspondent for the American Reporter, senior editor for OpEdNews, and an editorial board member of Journalism History and the Journal of Media Law and Ethics.

He was a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Author's Guild, National Writers Union (UAW/AFL-CIO), The Newspaper Guild (CWA/AFL-CIO), and the Society of Environmental Journalists. He was a life member of the service fraternity Alpha Phi Omega, and was indicted into the national scholarship honor societies Phi Kappa Phi (general scholarship), Kappa Tau Alpha (journalism), Pi Gamma Mu (social sciences), and Kappa Tau Alpha (sociology.) He is listed in Who's Who in America, Who's Who in the East, Contemporary Authors, Who's Who in the Media and Who's Who in Education. Dr. Brasch earned an A.B. in sociology from San Diego State College, an M.A. in journalism from Ball State University, and a Ph.D. in mass communication/journalism, with a cognate area in both American government/public policy and language and culture studies, from The Ohio State University.

He is survived by his wife of 34 years, the former Rosemary Renn the most wonderful thing that happened in his life and whom he loved very much; two sons, Jeffery Gerber, Phoenix AZ and Matthew Gerber and his wife, Laurel  (Neyhard)  of Bloomsburg, a sister, Corey Brasch of Sacramento, Calif; a niece, Terri Pearson-Fuchs, Calif, numerous cousins; and his beloved dogs Cabot and Remy.

Funeral services will be held on Wednesday, at 2:00 p.m. at the Dean W. Kriner Inc. Funeral Home & Cremation Service,  325 Market St., Bloomsburg with family friend, Nathaniel Mitchell officiating. Interment in Elan Memorial Park, Lime Ridge.

Friends may call at the funeral home on Tuesday from 6 - 8 p.m. or Wednesday from 1-2 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Walter M. Brasch Scholarship Fund,

c/o First Keystone Community Bank, 2301 Columbia Blvd, Bloomsburg, PA 17815 or to

Mostly Mutts, 284 Little Mountain Rd., Sunbury, PA 17801