A purely satirical look at the truth movements in the US and how they are thinking outside of the brain to keep their protests going.

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WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S FIRST AND FOREMOST PROTESTING SERVICE

FILL-IN-THE-BLANK PROTESTING SERVICE

Serving Tijuana, Mexicali, and up and down the border areas from California to New Mexico, as well as all of Southern California and Arizona, including Phoenix.

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We want to be your one-stop bazaar for all your protesting needs. We offer many different packages at your dispeptide. Our services include: government protesting, New World Order clashing, environmental conflicting (both sides), marriages(couples) picketing, anniversary disputing, birthday gripes, graduation objections, tijerales manifestos en español, baptism complaining, as well as many other types of protests. We possess an array of protesting products on the first level, crayon coloring books and the whole necessary apparel to expire with the requested purchase. We have personnel specializing in thematic protests venues, such as, kitchen areas, boys and girls clubs, sleazy biker bars, hootenannies, bucket of blood resorts, as well as other well-known protest locales and events. We do heckling, chanting, bird calling, barnyard animal noises, as well as many other quadruped grunts. Consultations or references do not hesitate to be contacted with us as professional.

PLAN SIMPLE – THE PETIT PROTEST   COST: $1,000

Includes: one to ten protesters five of whom are carrying signs with customer’s verbiage clearly spelled out. Will expend up to two miles of marching, one mile to and one mile back; for a total time of no more than two hours. One speech under fifteen minutes can be planned anytime inside those two hours, but applauding is extra.

PLAN JUNIOR – THE WAKE UP PROTEST   COST: $2,500

Includes: up to twenty protesters w/ten carrying signs with customer’s verbiage AND pictures clearly spelled out. Will expend up to four miles of marching, two miles to and two miles back, for a total time of no more than three hours. Several speeches under fifteen minutes can be planned anytime inside those three hours, but applauding is extra.

PLAN DU JOUR – THE IN YOUR FACE PROTEST   COST: $2,500

Includes: up to thirty protesters w/fifteen carrying signs with customer’s verbiage and pictures clearly spelled out AND three other protesters carrying bullhorns. Will expend  up to four miles of marching, two miles to and two miles back, for a total time of no more than four hours. Speeches up to thirty minutes can be planned anytime inside those three hours, AND regular applauding is included. Any type of mosh pit style protesting will carry a 10% additional cost plus purchaser is responsible for all medical expenses.

PLAN DELUXE – THE REVOLUTION IS NOW PROTEST   COST: $5,000

Includes: up to fifty protesters w/twenty carrying signs with customer’s verbiage and pictures clearly spelled out AND five other protesters carrying bullhorns and packing .44 caliber magnum pistols with hollow-point depleted Uranium bullets. Will expend up to six miles of marching, three miles to and three miles back; for a total time of no more than four hours. Speeches up to thirty minutes can be planned anytime inside those four hours, AND standing ovations are included. Mosh pit style protesting during the speeches will be included provided that the purchaser has a waiver from their insurance company written on White House letterhead.

PLAN KILLER – THE ARMAGEDDON IS HERE PROTEST   COST: $25,000

Includes: up to 100 protesters w/thirty carrying signs with customer’s verbiage and pictures clearly spelled out. Chicken blood will be liberally added to up to five different signs. Six protesters will show fresh wounds and gashes as needed, but being run over by a Mack truck and tasting one’s own blood is extra. Five other protesters will carry bullhorns and pack uzi submachine guns with hollow-point depleted Uranium cluster bombs. Will expend up to ten miles of marching in any random direction as required by the purchaser. Total time of no more than five hours except on night’s of a Full Moon due to a certain skin condition on several of our marchers which cause their hair and other pointed parts of their body to grow rapidly. Speeches up to one hour can be planned anytime inside those five hours, AND standing ovations are included throughout the oration. Protesters joining in the Mosh pit activities during the speeches will be allowed to carry certain types of weapons including, but not limited to, billy clubs, night sticks, rubber mallets, miniature hatchets, stiletto knives, butterfly knives,  chain saws, nunchucks, light duty bazookas, grenades, and other small military issue armament, but Bradley tanks will not be tolerated.

At FILL-IN-THE-BLANK PROTESTING SERVICE, Our customer complete satisfaction is our number one priority. Find out why so many people are choosing FILL-IN-THE-BLANK PROTESTING SERVICE. You won’t regret it.

Our trained customer service representatives are ready right now to take your order and take care of all the details so you can get back to what you love most, screaming.

Authors Bio:

66 year old Californian-born and bred male - I've lived in four different countries, USA, Switzerland, Mexico, Venezuela, and currently live in the Dominican Republic - speak three languages fluently, English, French, Spanish - have worked as a journalist for Empower-Sport Magazine. I am a retired Supply Chain Specialist.