Part Three in a Series of Small Steps for Sanely Dealing With Big Changes

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Part Three in a Series of Small Steps for Sanely Dealing With Big Changes

By Jennifer Hathaway

In part two of this series of writings, “Dream”, I talked about map-making: creating a map to our future. The logical follow-up to that step is that we have to start actually walking the road we’ve laid out. While the map is not the territory, it is the foundation for the new habits of thought that we’ll need to develop for the journey, and it’s the guidance system for the actions that we take.

When I was 32 years old, I lost an ovary [I still don’t know where I put it!] I had two weeks to wait for the tests to come back that would tell me if I was going to live or die. During that time, I thought about my life, and how much of it wasn’t what I wanted. I thought about what it would be like to lay on my deathbed and look back on my life, realizing that I hadn’t done what I wanted to.

I decided that I would stop putting off my dream of being an artist. I’d always made art, but I never really took it seriously. I decided I wanted to try.

So, once a week, every Thursday morning, I’d dress in office clothing, take my kids to the babysitter’s for three hours, and then run home and work on various little graphics projects that I’d sell for just enough money for babysitters, art supplies, and books. Slowly I built my resume and my portfolio, making a little more money. Over years I built my reputation.

Credentials come one at a time. All of mine were earned in the field, not bestowed by a school- although two acknowledged master painters trained me and gave their approval along the way. I worked and worked, and eventually I got somewhere with it.

It was scary as hell at first, but it was worth it.

One of the first things we must give to ourselves in this process is courage. Courage comes from the French word “Coeur”, which means “heart”. When we “take heart”, allow ourselves to feel solid inside, and act from our center, we are displaying courage. When we act according to our true will in life, we are being courageous: heart-filled.

Courage is in many regards one of the highest forms of love. It is not so much a matter of muscling past a difficulty like a superhero or putting ourselves into denial about our fears like some martyr. It’s more about orienting ourselves so strongly to our inner compass, that “heartfelt” plan for the future, that there’s no more room for fear. Difficulties arise, problems persist, unforeseen events will happen- as they’ll do whether or not we are pursuing our dreams- but when we have that heart-centered drive, we just deal with what comes at us and keep going forward, fearless- and joyful.

Another gift we have to give ourselves is commitment. Creating profound change requires a commitment to new habits- habits of thought and of action. Establishing a new habit of behavior takes a minimum of about two weeks, a new habit of thought somewhat longer. The commitment to thought is important.

In my case, I had to decide that I “am” an artist. That was my new habit of thought. There were days where I was scrubbing toilets, chasing toddlers, and cleaning out the catbox that I had to literally repeat that small idea over and over again.

Along with the thought came the work- drawdrawdraw, paintpaintpaint, chuck the mistakes, start again. Baby steps. Inch by inch, row by row. And then back to the rest of life as well, discarding what no longer fits as you go. But you get there, you grow the thing, and it becomes real just by taking those first small steps.

So that’s the personal sphere, the simple-but-not-easy way to change your life. Do it.

There’s much more at stake now, however. We must also step into our role as a member of a community, wherever we are, right now. Nothing whatsoever is going to be worth bringing into manifestation in a world in meltdown, so just buck up and take up your part. The happy news is that usually our personal goals are helped along by the work we do as part of a community, so it’s all good.

Our habits of thought about the world at large need to change. It’s no longer remotely acceptable to consider “status quo” to be adequate. The paradigm that is passing, the corporatist, self-centered, greed-blind dynamic we’ve been operating under has brought us to the brink- if not past it- of global destruction, and we are currently in a state of emergency. If we don’t hit the brakes, hard, this civilization is going into the abyss, with all hands aboard.

We must change- quickly- everything about our lifestyles in order to stop the damage that’s been done, and salvage what we can.

Changing lifestyle habits takes some adaptation. We learn to put the bottles and cans into the recycling box instead of the trash can, we wake up half an hour earlier to go for a walk, we change the way we eat to adapt to a new medical condition… these things are simple and direct adaptations.

Changing habits of thought takes quite a bit more.

We’ve figured out that the government is not our Mommy, that big business is not our Daddy. We know that the planet, the economy, and people in general are in a state of emergency. Suddenly we’re in a scary world that’s about to go down for the count, all alone … or are we?

There are our friends, the like-minded buddies we’ve been talking to all along. There are some in our community who are teetering on the brink of similar realizations, they just need a small push, along with some confirmation and support. There are others “out there” in the world who’ve already come to the same realizations and are soloing it, “hermits”. There are myriad groups who are seeking to make changes and create new systems for sustaining life on a grassroots level. There are other social and community groups that have been around for time immemorial. There are the bureaucratic constructs that we never really pay attention to because they’re wrapped in red tape and marginally functional.

But when we look at all of these together, now we have too many avenues to explore and not enough time- too many options.

All of these community connections can be worked out, they’re simply tangled up and disconnected from one another right now- usually because too much regulation and too little humanity is involved- or too much ego. But if we can ditch the red tape, we’ll see that we already have all the “nodes” we need in order to create a new way of operating, if we find creative new ways to hook up the humans within them. The important part is to bring people together to get things done.

In a way, we just need to get the teams organized- we don’t have to be in the game ourselves, we just need to get the people who can do each thing to play their positions- facilitate their game and cheer them on.

When I was the office manager of an eentsy weentsy semi-paralytic Chamber of Commerce a couple of years ago, I created out of whole cloth the “State of the County” dinner. Once a year, county legislators, business people, high school kids from the “Future Business Leaders of America”, and community organizers get together over dinner for an informal Q&A. I purposely kept the tone light, relaxed, and friendly, with as much laughter included in the proceedings as possible.

This simple mixer has led to myriad connections between people who formerly never had anything to do with one another. There are new scholarships available in the local high school, a farm-activist group has a greater connection with local businesses and townships, and the county legislators get to talk about the budget and get feedback from the regular people it affects. Oh, and the Chamber has a new Board, which hopefully is a mite less paralyzed.

Anybody can come up with ways to get people together, it doesn’t have to be a major catered event, and it doesn’t have to cost money. I also organized a potluck barbecue, and people didn’t have to pay a dime to schmooze and connect. I managed to get the world’s greatest cole slaw recipe from one of the region’s leading real estate mavens- who knew?

There are tons of other ways to knit these connections.

Remember that you and your ideas are valuable, and might just be the key to helping your community get itself together. Don’t be afraid to get out there and hook up with your neighbors, and simultaneously don’t think you have to fix everything yourself.

If you join an organization, take a little time to feel things out. It takes a bit of time for the people who’ve been in the trenches to get used to opinionated and persistent active new participants. Give them time to digest. Respect the work they’ve been trying to do while gently adding your own ideas. Your opinions and contributions may be ignored or jettisoned while you’re waiting for the organization to catch up- don’t take it personally, and re-present your ideas later on. Don’t allow issues of personality [especially control freaks] to reduce the level of discourse. Don’t underestimate the other contributors in the making of this stone soup you’ve decided to be part of.

If somebody “steals” your idea, good- the idea will be used and developed, and that’s the reason you’re there in the first place. That “State of the County” dinner I mentioned- which I came up with and which nobody did a lick of work for except me- suddenly became the Chamber’s yearly rite, and continued after I’d left the position. Well, hooray for that! A job well done- my concerns about community connectivity were addressed. I would have liked a medal, or a pat on the back, but that wasn’t why I did it.

Let them steal your ideas! You can always come up with more. On the other hand, if you get an idea from someone else, give credit where it’s due- gaining that person’s respect and solidarity is much more important than a one-off smalltime “intellectual property” theft. Being able to look people in the eye is priceless.

Setting an example of how to share ideas and respect one another- taking the high road- is very important to the future of that group. Slash and burn attitudes towards community have been a fundamental part of the dynamic of destruction we’re trying to reverse. We need to establish a sustainable “permaculture” culture to underpin everything else, from the economic on down. We don’t have to accept every idea that anyone comes up with, but we do need to accept that no individual is disposable, and that respect is the currency of social interactions.

It takes time, which we don’t have, to make the kinds of changes we need. There will be people present in your life whose whole world is the tiny bit of power they have in that committee or group. They will be angry and bruised by abruptly shifting perspectives, they’ll feel disrespected by an “outsider” demanding rapid change.  They’ll in short still be trapped in part of the Big Illusion that you have stepped out of, and may not understand what that illusion really has done to them.

Remember that anger is a mask for fear or pain [or both] and proceed as gently as you can. Make the issues the priority, praise individuals for their flexibility [even if they’re not quite up to full-fledged yoga just yet] and continue to push [gently] for what needs doing.

Take a step:  First do the boring part. Take a look at all of the communitarian options in your vicinity. Use paper and pen so that your brain operates organically rather than digitally. Start sorting with general subjects: “food”, “shelter”, “energy”, “healthcare”, “education/ information”- all the brass tacks of living- and list all the random and differing organizations that exist in your area, tossing each into a “bin” represented by the page. Don’t spend too much time analyzing each item, just identify it and toss it where it belongs, pinning it to the page.

Then go through each “bin”, and sort out sub-headings for each of the options you’re reviewing. For instance, under “food”, you might have a food bank, a co-op, a CSA, a soup kitchen, a neighbor farmer, the Elks Club pancake breakfast, and your back garden. Sort them according to function- some are “sources”, some “distributors”. After you’ve done this for all of the groups you’ve listed, in all of the categories, put the lists aside for a day or two, and just let your brain digest the information subconsciously.

The next part is less boring, less about sorting and more about creating new connections and new community hookups. Take out your lists again, and get creative.

Is there a charitable group that is lacking something? Is there a resource available looking for a landing strip? Find ways to create the hookup.

A couple of examples: 

Recently a good friend of mine acquired an old book store. She spent some time culling used books from the shelves and cleaning things up, and at the end of it all, had a ton of books that she wanted to get rid of. After having done work with kids in drug rehabs and lockdown schools, I knew that people who are incarcerated love having new stuff to read, so I did the research and finally got her in touch with the appropriate prison librarian. He told her that she had too many books for them to accommodate in the prison’s library. She mentioned how she’d wanted to give the hardcovers to the prison and send the paperbacks overseas to the troops, but couldn’t afford the postage on her shoestring entrepreneurial budget. The librarian said, “I’ll see what I can do.” and hung up. In less than 24 hours, the prisoners had raised over $200 out of their own money for the postage for those paperbacks to go to the troops.

Years ago, I belonged to the local Rotary club. Every week we’d meet for a nice catered lunch with interesting speakers, and every week, I’d see piles of good food that we’d paid for going into the trash at the end of the meeting. So I asked permission in one of the meetings to take the leftovers to the local food bank. Voila, the Rotary Club was now donating to the food bank on a weekly basis. It didn’t cost a thing [except for the gas to take the stuff over], and it led to other initiatives as well.

These are just a couple of ways things can go. Make your own.

Make sure to color outside the lines.

More later.

Authors Bio:
Mother of two adult children, freelance artist with fine works in private collections in 20 US states, 7 European countries, Africa, China, and Japan, concerned citizen of the US.

Overreaching corporate controls of food, housing, clothing, medicine, transportation, information, and education have been a serious concern of mine for decades. Consequently I've spent a great deal of time studying and practicing self-sufficiency/ removal from "the grid".

I no longer have credit cards, I raise my own vegetables and chickens, am an herbalist, a reiki master, a shiatsu practitioner who's worked with people with serious illnesses for more than a decade, as well as an ordained minister [I call myself a shamanist because it's the closest description of what I do, not because I'm from Tibet].

I've worked in construction for many years, and I've spent some time beating dead horses on the subject of independance from corporate control and learning to live a life of value as opposed to one of dehumanization.

My message to surburbanites: rototill your front lawn, grow vegetables, put up solar panels, stay home more often, make things for yourself, and cut up your credit cards.

Live your life as if truth, honor, and love were the most important things.

The corporate culture would have us believe that we owe someone rent for the privilege of being on the planet, that some pigs are more equal than others, that it's important to be royalty- as opposed to noble- and that happiness is available for purchase.

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the truth of things.