I have decided to publish this morbid humor of mine as an article. Hope it helps.

::::::::

1. Stimulus

Merriam- Webster's Thesaurus now has two definitions  for the word 'Stimulus':

- a stick to prod the bulls harnessed in a carriage, so that they go faster.

-a carrot to show the stupid Americans, so that they run after it forever.

2. The name problem

On the CAPC convention it was suggested by Jonathan Krohn to change the GOP name into  GCP (Great Conservative Party).  The reason was that in Russianlanguage GOPa meant ' human ass'. Unfortunately it turned out that GCP meant  'German Communist Party.' Looks like Republicans are stuck between ass, Germany and Communism.

3. The wedding of the Century

Comedian Rush Limbaugh and Ann Colteur got married in a ceremony performed by  Rev. Robertson. At the end of the ceremony the earth collapsed under them andd they  fell into a fiery pit with the last  words, 'We hope he fails!'

 4. Jewish democracy

Avigdor Lieberman, a former bouncer is going to become a  leading figure in the government of Israel. This proves that Israel had reached the highest level of democracy, when anything  can become anyone ( or nothing can become everything). Incidentally those are also the words  from the Communist Anthem 'Whoever was nothing will become everything'.

5.The light of justice

 When Carl Rove and Harriett Miers testify iin Congress all the windows  will be shut  because  those two can burn in the sunlight.

 6.Savings

AIG had decided from now on to entertain their CEOs in Russia. The place is called Rublevka  for the new AIG currency- rouble.

7.Foreign policy

Russian   President announced that the new ICBMs located in Venezuela will not target the US but instead will target Chechnya.

8. She-ism.

Hillary Clinton is thrillled by the Iranians. 'They are She-its. They worship women,'-she said.

 9. Immunity

Leon Panetta announced that the  former CIA torturers will not be tortured by the new ones. 

10. Fashions

Michelle Obama had opened her new line of clothes Fashion of Depression. Featured are   strapless bras, multiusage panties and stainless steel stiletto heels.

Authors Bio:

The writer is a retired engineer