An adaptation of Shakespeare's Hamlet.

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ACT 5, SCENE 2

(Enter Hamlet and Horatio with
LETTERS.)

HORATIO
(holding up letter Hamlet had
sent)
So much for this, now how about the rest, my lord? Tell me
what took place out on the high sea?

HAMLET
You remember the circumstance?

HORATIO
Of course, my lord.

HAMLET
My heart was stage to an intense battle. I could not sleep
and lay feeling worse than a rebel in chains. Then a rash
impulse swept me--and praise be for such things: instinct
sometimes serves us well when our plans begin to falter; and
that should teach us there's a divinity that shapes our ends,
rough-hew them however we will.

HORATIO
Most certainly.

HAMLET
I rose, cloaked myself with a coat, and stole out of my
cabin, groping the way to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I
lifted the documents deftly, repaired back to my room, and
broke their seals. Oh such royal treachery! An exact
command, plied with assertions of fear as to the health of
Denmark and England both, that without a moment of delay--not
even to sharpen an axe--my head should be struck off.

HORATIO
No, my lord.

HAMLET
(handing him the document from
out of a chest pocket)
Here it is, read it with your own two eyes.

HORATIO
(taking document, but not
reading)
How did you proceed?

HAMLET
Caught up in the plot, before my mind could sort it through
to the end, I sat and wrote out a new set of orders. I used
to disdain the phrasing of official decree, and over the
years have tried to unlearn it, but then and there it served
me oh so well.

HORATIO
What did you write?

HAMLET
I detailed how the Danish and English kings are dependent
upon one another; how the love between them ought to flourish
like the palm; how peace should be maintained, and other such
flowery things; and that upon reading the contents, the
bearers of it be put to death immediately.

HORATIO
What about the seal?

HAMLET
I've carried my father's signet with me since his death, so
even in that heaven had a hand. I signed it, sealed it, and
left it with the sleeping soldiers. The change was never
detected, the next day was our fight at sea, and the rest you
already know.

HORATIO
So Rosencrantz and Guildenstern went on to their deaths.

HAMLET
They loved their work, didn't they? And they should have
known well how dangerous it is when passing between the two
points of mighty opposites. Their fate was the result of
their choice as to which side to side with. I have no
conscience about them.

HORATIO
What kind of king is this?

HAMLET
It's up to me now to rule on that. He killed my king and
whored my mother; placed himself between myself and the
throne. Isn't it proper then that he be dispatched with this
arm?

HORATIO
He will find out soon enough from the king of England what
took place there.

HAMLET
The moment is mine, and it won't take more than that to take
his life.

(Beat.)

HAMLET (CONT'D)
I'm sorry I lost control of myself with Laertes. I see his
own circumstance as a duplicate image of mine.
I'll repair that. It was the show of his grief that placed
me into a fit of indignation.

HORATIO
Who is this approaching?

(Enter OSRIC, a Courtier.)

OSRIC
Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

HAMLET
I humbly thank you sir. (To Horatio.) Do you know this
dainty person?

HORATIO
No, my lord, I do not.

HAMLET
He is the owner of fertile land. Let a beast own the plots
of other beasts, and the king will invite him to dine at his
table. Whatever we call him, he owns many properties.

OSRIC
(taking off hat)
Sweet lord, if you have a moment, I'd like to deliver a
message from the king.

HAMLET
And I will receive it with all diligence of spirit. Your hat
is for your head, place it back there.

OSRIC
Thank you my lord, it is cold.

HAMLET
I find it rather warm, myself.

OSRIC
I guess I cannot really tell my lord, but his majesty asked
me to inform you that he has placed a wager on your talent.

HAMLET
Oh really?

OSRIC
Sir, Laertes has returned to court. He's an absolute
gentleman, extremely gifted, so pleasant in both manner and
appearance--he's an ideal example of good breeding.

HAMLET
Your description of him is fine, and I know to detail every
one of his qualities might make one dizzy.
His qualities are so refined and rare, the only gentleman
like him is the reflection in his mirror. Anyone attempting
to hold themselves up to him, would be a shadow.

OSRIC
Yes indeed, my lord.

HAMLET
But why are we gasping with admiration for this gentleman?

OSRIC
Sir?

HORATIO
Can't we be a bit more to the point?

HAMLET
Why speak of him at all?

OSRIC
I know you are not ignorant--

HAMLET
I wish you did, sir--which wouldn't do me much good. But why
speak of him?

OSRIC
I know you're not ignorant of his excellence--

HAMLET
In order to know someone well, one must know themselves
first.

OSRIC
I mean, sir, excellence with a weapon. According to
reputation, he has no equal.

HAMLET
What's his weapon?

OSRIC
Rapier and dagger.

HAMLET
That's two weapons.

OSRIC
The king, sir, has wagered with him six Barbary horses
against, as I take it, six of his French rapiers and daggers;
along with all their accessories--belts, and so on.

HAMLET
Is that so?

OSRIC
Yes, my lord. Three of the carriages are most excellent
indeed, well matched with the hilt of the swords--each and
every one finely balanced and wrought.

HAMLET
What are the "carriages?"

HORATIO
I knew you'd need an explanation somewhere along the line.

OSRIC
The carriages are the holsters, my lord.

HAMLET
The word is put to better use if we were carrying cannons at
our sides; until then I prefer to call them hangers. Though
six Barbary horses against six French swords, accessories and
all--but why?

OSRIC
The king has wagered that in a dozen passes between you and
Laertes, he'll win less than nine of the twelve.

(Beat.)

OSRIC (CONT'D)
It could be settled immediately if your lordship would like
it so.

HAMLET
What if I decline?

OSRIC
To take it up immediately? Or decline the match altogether,
my lord?

HAMLET
I'll walk here in the hall for a bit. If it pleases his
majesty, and the gentleman willing, let the foils be brought
here. If no one has changed their mind, then I will win what
I can. If not, I gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits.

OSRIC
Shall I deliver this message then, my lord?

HAMLET
With whatever flourish you care to add.

OSRIC
At your service.

(Osric bows/exits.)

HORATIO
Look at that strange little bird run off with his shell stuck
atop his head.

HAMLET
No doubt he bowed to his mother's tit before he sucked. Like
so many this day and age, only capable of thinking and
speaking what they've been told; press for an original
thought or reply of any depth and their bubble's burst.

(Beat.)

HORATIO
I'm afraid you'll lose this match, my lord.

HAMLET
I don't think so. Since Laertes went to France, I've been in
continual practice. At the least, I'll beat the odds. It's
nothing really, but you wouldn't think I'd feel as uneasy as
I do about this.

HORATIO
But my lord--

HAMLET
The foolish type of thing that would trouble a woman.

HORATIO
If things do not sit right, don't ignore them. I'll go and
stall the court from coming.

HAMLET
No. I defy fearful premonition. Every sparrow has its fixed
moment of when it will fall; if not now, then later; if not
later, then now: the readiness for it is all that matters.
Let it be.

(A LORD approaches.)

LORD
My lord, you majesty has received your reply from young
Osric, and would like to know if you are ready to compete
now, or if you wish more time.

HAMLET
The match may take place at the king's pleasure. Now or
whenever, provided I'm as fit as I am this moment.

(Lord signals Attendants who bring in
TABLE. TRUMPETS and DRUMS and OFFICERS
with CUSHIONS enter.)

LORD
The Queen asks that you show some courtesy to Laertes before
the match begins.

HAMLET
She instructs me well.

(Enter Claudius, Gertrude, Laertes,
Osric, members of the court, and
Attendants with foils and daggers.)

CLAUDIUS
Come Hamlet, come; take Laertes' hand.

HAMLET
(to Laertes)
Give me your pardon sir, I have done you wrong. You're a
gentleman, forgive me. All assembled know, and you too must
have heard, I've been suffering a sore distraction. Whatever
was done to offend your honor and sense of grief, I proclaim
was madness, not Hamlet. Sir, before this audience, free me
with your generosity from the harm which was caused.

LAERTES
In respect of honor I will reserve judgement and will not
reconcile till the wisdom of elders deems it right. Till
then I accept your love as you have presented it, and will
not wrong it.

HAMLET
I embrace this state and am ready to engage in this wager as
brothers. Give us the foils.

LAERTES
Come, one for me.

HAMLET
I'll be your foil Laertes. My abilities will make yours
shine like the brightest of stars on the darkest of nights.

LAERTES
You mock me, sir.

HAMLET
No, I swear it.

CLAUDIUS
Give them the foils Osric. Cousin Hamlet, you know the
wager?

HAMLET
I know it well, but your majesty has laid odds on the weaker
side.

CLAUDIUS
I have no fear. I have seen you both, but since he is in
better form, we'll have odds.

LAERTES
(to Osric about foil)
This one is too heavy, let me see another.

HAMLET
(slashing with foil)
I like this one. These foils are all of the same length?

OSRIC
Yes, my lord.

(Enter SERVANTS with PITCHERS of wine.)

CLAUDIUS
Set the wine upon the table. If Hamlet gets the first or
second hit, or draws on the third, let all the battlements
fire off a round. The king shall drink to Hamlet's
performance and throw a pearl more valuable than one worn by
four successive kings of Denmark have worn in their crown.
Give me the cups--let the drums signal the trumpets, and the
trumpets the artillery outside, and the cannons the heavens
that the king drinks to the prince. Come, begin! And the
judges bear a wary eye.

HAMLET
Come on, sir.

LAERTES
Come, my lord.

(They fence.)

HAMLET
One.

LAERTES
No.

HAMLET
Judgement.

OSRIC
A hit.

LAERTES
Well, again.

CLAUDIUS
Stay. Give me a drink. Hamlet this pearl is yours. Here's
to thy health.

(He drops poison into cup. Drums,
trumpets and cannon sound off.)

CLAUDIUS (CONT'D)
Give him the cup.

HAMLET
I'll play this bout first. Set it aside. (To Laertes.)
Come.

(They fence.)

HAMLET (CONT'D)
Another hit. What say you?

LAERTES
A touch. I confess, a touch.

CLAUDIUS
(to Gertrude)
Our son shall win.

QUEEN
He's not at his most fit, he's short of breath. (To Hamlet.)
Here Hamlet, take my scarf and wipe your brow. The Queen
drinks to your fortune, Hamlet.

HAMLET
Thank you madam.

CLAUDIUS
Gertrude, do not drink.

GERTRUDE
I will, my lord. Pardon me if you will.

(She drinks and offers cup to Hamlet.)

HAMLET
Not yet madam.

GERTRUDE
Come, let me wipe you face.

HAMLET
Come for the third bout, Laertes. I pray you pass with your
best violence. I fear you're toying with me.

LAERTES
Really? Come on.

(They fence.)

OSRIC
Nothing either way.

(They fence.)

LAERTES
Have at you now.

(Laertes wounds Hamlet, they scuffle,
dropping their weapons.)

CLAUDIUS
Part them.

(They change rapiers.)

HAMLET
Come again.

(He wounds Laertes. Gertrude falls.)

OSRIC
Look--the Queen!

HORATIO
They're both bleeding. (To Hamlet.) How are you my lord?

OSRIC
How are you Laertes?

LAERTES
Like a hunter caught in it's own trap. I am justly killed by
my own treachery.

HAMLET
(to Gertrude)
How is the queen?

CLAUDIUS
She faints at the sight of blood.

GERTRUDE
No, no, the drink, the drink! Oh my dear Hamlet! The drink,
the drink! I'm poisoned!

(She dies.)

HAMLET
Oh villainy Lock the doors! Treachery! Unmask it!

(Osric exits.)

LAERTES
It is here, Hamlet. Hamlet, you're doomed. No medicine in
the world will do you any good. You have minutes left.

(Laertes drops to his knees.)

LAERTES (CONT'D)
The weapon in your hand was poisoned. The scheme has turned
itself on me.

(He drops to the ground.)

LAERTES (CONT'D)
Look, here I lie, never to rise again. Your mother poisoned.
The king--the king's to blame.

HAMLET
Then venom to your work!

(Hamlet wounds Claudius. The court
gasps/screams.)

CLAUDIUS
Defend me friends, I am wounded.

(Hamlet grabs dagger and poisoned
drink.)

HAMLET
(holding dagger to neck of
Claudius)
Here you incestuous, murderous Dane--drink!

(Claudius drinks.)

HAMLET (CONT'D)
Finish it. Is your pearl there? Follow the Queen.

(Claudius falls to ground.)

LAERTES
Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet. Be free of mine
and my father's death, and free me of yours.

(Laertes dies.)

HAMLET
Heaven make thee free of it. I follow. Sad Queen, farewell.
Horatio, I'm dying. (To court.) You who look pale and
tremble, had I but time, oh I could tell you, but let it be.
Horatio, I'm dead, you live; recount my tale.

HORATIO
Do not believe it, I'm more Roman than Dane. Let me see that
liquor.

(Horatio attempts to drink poison,
Hamlet struggles with him.)

HAMLET
Let go! What a wounded name would be left behind if you are
not there to let the truth be known. If you ever held me in
your heart, do not follow me, suffer the world to tell my
story.

(A SHOT from a cannon.)

HAMLET (CONT'D)
What is this?

(Enter Osric.)

OSRIC
Young Fortinbras returns from Poland. He fires a volley in
honor of the ambassadors from England.

HAMLET
Ah Horatio, the poison triumphs. I will not hear the news
from England, but I do prophesy Fortinbras shall be elected
King. He has my dying voice. So tell him.... The rest is
silence.

(Hamlet dies.)

HORATIO
Now ends a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince, and
flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

(MARCHING is heard. Fortinbras
enters.)

FORTINBRAS
What is this?

HORATIO
What do you wish to see? If it's sorrow and wonder, cease
your search.

FORTINBRAS
This scene cries on havoc. Oh proud death, what feast do you
prepare that you have claimed so many nobles at once?

1ST AMBASSADOR
This sight bewilders.

HORATIO
Allow me to speak to a world unaware how these things came
about, and so shall you hear of carnal, bloody, and unnatural
acts; of accidental judgements, casual slaughters; of deaths
brought by cunning and contrivance, and plans dismantled with
chance. All this I can truly deliver.

FORTINBRAS
Let us assemble the nobility to hear this tale right away.
Though I embrace this moment with sorrow, I have rights to
this kingdom, and now is the time to make claim.

HORATIO
I shall speak of that too. But let the inquiries take place
at once, even while men's minds are wild, so that no further
plots and errors are allowed.

FRANCISCO
Let four captains bear Hamlet's body to the stage. If he had
been crowned, he would have proved most royal. Begin the
drumming and salutes. Take up the bodies, such a sight as
this befits a battlefield, not a royal hall. Go, order the
cannons to fire.

Authors Website: http://www.cc2.org

Authors Bio:

Writer/artist/activist from California, with a degree in Creative Studies from the University of California at Santa Barbara. Advocating for the convention clause of Article V since 2001.