This is a big scene, and I've taken a small liberty with it. Hope you enjoy.
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ACT 3, SCENE 2
(Hamlet enters with Players.)
HAMLET
I ask only that you speak the speech as I pronounced it,
trippingly on the tongue. Too thick, and it will smother its
taste. And don't attach too much movement to it. Just play
it smooth and still from the onset, and allow the words to
build the passion naturally. It's so offensive to watch an
actor bend to an audience when it's not discerning of subtle
craft. I'd just as soon have them whipped for making farce
out of drama. It out-Herods Herod. It's against the reason
for theatre to begin with. The purpose of the art is to hold
a mirror up to nature--to reveal what's virtuous, expose
what's contemptuous, and display how a life might be lived
more romantically. Please don't spoil it.
1ST PLAYER
Of course not, my lord.
HAMLET
There are players I have seen--and who are praised by others-
who speak nothing like Christians or Pagans, but who strut in
such a way as to cause an audience to wonder whether man is a
defective creation.
1ST PLAYER
I hope we've reformed those imitations, sir.
HAMLET
Oh, please do. And let those that play clowns speak no more
than is set down for them; there are some who laugh
themselves in order to get any fool watching to join them.
It's most pitiful in the comic who resorts to that.
1ST PLAYER
My lord, my I say something?
HAMLET
Of course, you are a friend, an assembler of ideas.
1ST PLAYER
My lord, I am only a humble player.
HAMLET
Very well.
1ST PLAYER
My lord, you are splendid, so splendid. I remember when you
were very young, and I behold you now. Whatever the word
prince can mean in all the world, you are supreme in frame
and mind. And if you were to spend time with a company of
your own my lord, there is no doubt you would cleave an
audience, shock the ignorant, astound the innocent, drive the
guilty insane, and drown a theatre with tears. If my good
lord should ever desire a company to employ, I pray our
performance sits well with the prince.
HAMLET
Ah, to write and direct characters--perhaps such a life
exists. Perhaps one day. Very good dear player, I thank you
for your kind words, now all of you, please do hurry to
prepare.
(Players bow and exit. Polonius,
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern enter.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
(to Polonius)
How now, my lord? Are the King and Queen almost ready to
attend?
POLONIUS
They are ready now, my lord.
HAMLET
In that case, will all three of you go help the players make
haste?
ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN
R: Yes my lord. G: My lord.
(Polonius, Rosencrantz, and
Guildenstern exit.)
HAMLET
Horatio!
(Horatio enters.)
HORATIO
Here sweet lord, at your service.
HAMLET
I have always considered you a fine fellow, Horatio.
HORATIO
(flattered)
My dear lord!
HAMLET
I'm not flattering you. Let the candied tongue lick the pomp
of the vain; let the knee bend when there's something to be
gained. That's not why I called you.
HORATIO
Very well, my lord.
HAMLET
Ever since I was able to distinguish qualities in men, I've
always singled you out. Someone who in suffering all,
suffers nothing--who looks upon fortune's scorn or blessings
without passion. Give me that person who is not passion's
slave and I'll take them to heart--to my heart of hearts--as
I do you Horatio.
HORATIO
(bowing)
My lord.
HAMLET
As you know there is a play tonight before the king, and one
scene comes very close to the circumstance of my father's
death. When that part arrives, observe my uncle.
If his guilt does not make its presence known, then it's a
demon we have seen upon the ramparts, and my suspicions are
foul as hell. But watch him closely, and so will I. We'll
then talk about it later.
HORATIO
Yes, my lord. I will be watching.
HAMLET
(hearing the approach of the
King and Queen)
Here they come. I must put on my disposition, you, go and
stake a position.
(Horatio bows and exits. Enter
Claudius, Gertrude, Polonius,
Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and
attendants.)
CLAUDIUS
Hamlet! How are you good cousin?!
HAMLET
Excellent, and eating the food of chameleons--air and empty
promises!
CLAUDIUS
What?
HAMLET
(to Polonius)
My lord, you were an actor for the university at one time,
were you not?
POLONIUS
I was my lord, and not half bad as I was told.
HAMLET
What did you play?
POLONIUS
I played Julius Caesar, killed by Brutus in the capitol.
HAMLET
Ah--and what a brute he was to have killed so capital an
idiot! Are our players ready?
ROSENCRANTZ
Yes my lord, ready when you are.
GERTRUDE
Come here my dear Hamlet, sit by me.
HAMLET
(turning to Ophelia)
Good mother, I think I'd rather lie in this lady's lap. (To
Ophelia) Shall I?
OPHELIA
Oh no, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap.
OPHELIA
Yes, my lord.
HAMLET
Did you think I meant something else?
OPHELIA
I didn't think anything, my lord.
HAMLET
It's always a pleasant thought, to lie between a maiden's
legs.
OPHELIA
You certainly are playful, my lord.
HAMLET
What else should a man be but playful? I say, have you
noticed how cheerful my mother is? Yet my father has been
dead for only a few hours?
OPHELIA
It's been four months, my lord.
HAMLET
So long? In that case let the devil wear black, and I'll
have a suit of sables. Months now, and not yet forgotten!
Then there's hope a great man will still be remembered half a
year after he dies?!
(TRUMPETS sound.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
Ah--the play!
(Enter a King and a Queen very
lovingly; the Queen embracing him, and
he her. She kneels, and makes show of
protestation unto him. He takes her
up, declines his head upon her neck,
and then lays down upon a bank of
flowers.
She, seeing him asleep, leaves. A
fellow enters, takes off crown, kisses
it, pours poison in King's ears, and
exits. The Queen returns; finds the
King dead, and makes passionate action.
The Poisoner, with some two or three
Mutes, comes in again, seeming to
lament with her. The dead body is
carried away. The Poisoner woos the
Queen with gifts: she seems loath and
unwilling, but in the end accepts his
love.)
(The players exit.)
OPHELIA
What does this mean, my lord?
HAMLET
It means mischief.
OPHELIA
Perhaps it depicts the plot.
(Enter PROLOGUE.)
HAMLET
This fellow will tell us. The players can't keep a secret;
they'll reveal all.
OPHELIA
He'll tell us what the mime meant?
HAMLET
Or anything else--if you don't mind showing him, he'll show
you what it's for.
OPHELIA
My lord is naughty. I'll watch the play now.
PROLOGUE
For us and for our tragedy, we beg you'll hear us patiently.
(Prologue exits.)
HAMLET
What was that? A prologue or an inscription on a ring?
OPHELIA
It was brief my lord.
HAMLET
As brief as a woman's love.
(The Player King and Queen enter.)
PLAYER KING
The waves of the ocean, and the mountains of the land have
now completed a circle around the sun thirty times. And as
many times, a dozen moons have cast their light into the
night since we fell in love and pledged ourselves to one
another.
PLAYER QUEEN
And may the sun, earth and moon continue on for as long
before our love is done. But woe is me, your health hasn't
been itself lately. Loves and fears are set side by side.
Where little fears can become great, a great love grows
there.
PLAYER KING
My powers appear to be on the wane--my honoured, my beloved-
and I may leave you alone in the world. But with luck you'll
find another husband with whom--
PLAYER QUEEN
Oh say no more! Such an idea is treason to my breast! If I
remarried I would be accursed. I'd be killing a man already
dead if I kissed a second husband in my bed.
PLAYER KING
I believe you think and feel what you speak, but we often
part later with what we've determined now. Sincerity and
resolve can be like fruit on a tree. It can mellow and fall.
And just as love and fear are set side by side, so too are
joy and grief. As you said, where one grows great, the other
does just as well. But nothing in the world stays in tune
forever, so it's not strange that love can change. Just as
something discordant can one day come into perfect pitch.
But it's a question left for us to prove: does love
determine fate, or fate our love? Someone in decline will
lose friends, while someone on the rise will gain the same.
And thus, it would seem that love depends on fate. Oh my
love, how different are our thoughts from their ends? Our
schemes and plots are often overthrown; our thoughts may be
ours, but their outcome never ours alone. You think you'll
never wed again, but it's alright if you change your mind
after your husband is dead.
PLAYER QUEEN
May the earth take away its food, and the heaven its light;
sport and repose lock from me day and night. To desperation
turn my trust and hope, and anchor's cheer in prison be my
scope, each opposite, that blanks the face of joy, meet what
I would have well and it destroy, both here and hence pursue
me lasting strife, if, once a widow, ever again I be a wife.
PLAYER KING
You are so sweet, my love. And your vow treats my heart, but
leave me for awhile now, so I may beguile the day with sleep.
PLAYER QUEEN
May sleep come to you, and may fate never separate our love.
(Player Queen exits, Player King
sleeps.)
HAMLET
(to Gertrude)
What do you think of this play, madam?
GERTRUDE
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
HAMLET
Oh, but she'll keep her word.
CLAUDIUS
You know the plot then? Is it tragic?
HAMLET
No, no--it's comedy.
CLAUDIUS
What's this play titled?
HAMLET
The Mousetrap. It's about a murder in Vienna. Gonzago is
the Duke and his wife is Baptista, you'll see. It's a
knavish piece of work, but who cares? To your majesty, and
those of us with free souls, it's nothing. Let the galled
jade wince, our withers are unwrung.
(Enter LUCIANUS.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
This is Lucianus, nephew to the king.
OPHELIA
You're a good narrator, my lord.
HAMLET
I could interpret you and your love, if I saw the puppets
perform.
OPHELIA
You're sharp, my lord; you are sharp.
HAMLET
It would be a bit of work to take off my edge.
OPHELIA
Still better, and worse.
HAMLET
Is that how you take your husbands? (To Lucianus.) Begin,
murderer. Stop making faces and begin. The croaking raven
doth bellow for revenge!
LUCIANUS
Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing--the
opportunity is just right. This rank mixture of midnight
weeds collected, with Hecate's curse thrice blasted, and
thrice infected, will take a wholesome life immediately.
(Lucianus pours some in Player King's
ear.)
HAMLET
He poison's him in his garden for his estate, and now you'll
see how the murderer gets the love of his wife.
OPHELIA
(noticing Claudius)
The king is rising to his feet.
HAMLET
What? Frightened with false fire?
GERTRUDE
(to Claudius)
Are you alright?
POLONIUS
Stop the play!
CLAUDIUS
Give me some light, I'm leaving.
POLONIUS
Lights! Lights! Lights!
(Everyone exits except Hamlet and
Horatio.)
HAMLET
(reciting the lines he had
written for the play)
Let the struck deer go weep, and the ungalled buck play; for
some must watch while some must sleep, thus runs the world in
this way. (To Horatio.) If I struck hard times, wouldn't
this get me a fellowship in a cry of players?
HORATIO
Half a share.
HAMLET
(reciting further.)
For you must know my dear fellow, this kingdom is no longer
ruled by Jupiter, what now reigns here is a peacock!
HORATIO
(sarcastically)
Well, you might have rhymed with that last line.
HAMLET
Oh good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand
pounds. Did you see that?
HORATIO
Yes, my lord. I watched him closely.
HAMLET
Ah ha! Come then, some music! Bring in the recorders!
Music!
(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern enter.)
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, may I have a word with you?
HAMLET
Sir, you may have a whole history!
GUILDENSTERN
The king, sir.
HAMLET
Yes? What about him?
GUILDENSTERN
He's very upset.
HAMLET
What, with drink?
GUILDENSTERN
No my lord, with anger.
HAMLET
Well then, you should have more sense than to tell this to
his doctor. If it were up to me, I'd give him still another
dose!
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, your mother the Queen is also distressed and sent me
to you.
HAMLET
Well then, you're very welcome.
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, if you will be so kind as to give me a rational
answer, I'll carry out your mother's instructions. If not,
your pardon and my return--
HAMLET
Sir, I cannot.
ROSENCRANTZ
Cannot what, my lord?
HAMLET
Give a rational answer. My wit's diseased. But such an
answer I can make, you may command--or rather, as you say, my
mother. Now, what did she say again?
ROSENCRANTZ
She says your behavior has struck and astonished her.
HAMLET
Oh what a wonderful son that can astonish a mother! But is
that all she had to say?
ROSENCRANTZ
She wishes to speak with you before you retire for the
evening.
HAMLET
We shall obey. Was there anything else?
ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, you used to love me.
HAMLET
And still do.
ROSENCRANTZ
Good, my lord. Now please tell us what's causing you to act
so strangely? You close the door on a cure when you won't
share troubles with a friend.
HAMLET
Sir, I lack advancement.
ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, how can that be when you are heir to the throne?
HAMLET
While the grass grows the horse starves--to quote the old
proverb.
(The Players enter.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
Oh, the recorders. Let me see one.
(Player hands Hamlet a recorder.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
(to Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern)
Am I being maneuvered into a trap?
GUILDENSTERN
Oh my lord, if I'm too forward, it's my love for you that is
at fault. I care about your wellbeing my lord.
ROSENCRANTZ
As of course do I, Prince Hamlet.
HAMLET
(offering the recorder)
Will you play something?
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, I can't.
HAMLET
Oh come on, play something.
GUILDENSTERN
Believe me, I can't.
HAMLET
I beg you.
GUILDENSTERN
I don't know the fingering, my lord.
HAMLET
It's as easy as lying. Cover some holes, give it some
breath, and it produces music. (Shows fingering.) Here are
the stops.
GUILDENSTERN
But I can't command a melody, I don't have the skill.
HAMLET
Why then, how unworthy a thing you make of me. You would
play me; you would seem to know my stops.
You would pluck out the heart of my mystery, sound me from
lowest to highest note--and there is music in this little
pipe--yet you can't bring it out? Why would you think I'm
easier to play than a flute?
(Polonius enters.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
(to Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern)
Call me whatever instrument you like, you cannot play me.
POLONIUS
My lord, the Queen wishes to speak with you right away.
HAMLET
(to Polonius)
You see that cloud over there? It's almost the shape of a
camel.
POLONIUS
So it is, it's like a camel indeed.
HAMLET
I think it's like a weasel.
POLONIUS
It has a back like a weasel.
HAMLET
Or like a whale.
POLONIUS
Very like a whale.
HAMLET
I will visit my mother in a few moments.
POLONIUS
Very well my lord, I will go and let her know.
(Polonius exits.)
HAMLET
(to Horatio, Rosencrantz, and
Guildenstern)
Leave me, friends.
(All exit but Hamlet.)
HAMLET
They fool me to the top of my bent! But it's now the very
witching time of night, when churchyards yawn and hell itself
breathes out fear into the world.
I could drink hot blood, and do such bitter business as the
day would quake to look on. Now to my mother--oh heart do
not lose feeling--do not let the soul of Nero enter. Let me
be cruel, but not unnatural. I will speak daggers, but use
none.
(Hamlet exits.)
Authors Website: http://www.cc2.org
Authors Bio:
Writer/artist/activist from California, with a degree in Creative Studies from the University of California at Santa Barbara. Advocating for the convention clause of Article V since 2001.