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Sometimes our culture lacks the words to properly explain what we are thinking or meaning.

Americans have a term “Open minded.”

But I just “Googled” “Open Minded” and got a test with these first two questions:

--Does it bother you to see two women kissing?
And
--Do you think that it is all right for an 18 year old to date a 45 year old?

So “open minded” has, in many cases, taken on a sort of risk taking, sexual or permissive overtone.

When I asked if you were “open” or “closed” I am thinking in these terms: do you welcome new friends even of other nationalities and races (open), do you smile and greet family and friends readily when you meet (open) or are you skeptical and even worrisome when you receive a gift (closed)?

I have a brother in law who hardly speaks to me (closed).  Now it seems he has forbidden his son from speaking to me.  I cannot recall wronging them in any way.  I think it is just that they are closed.  More like "locked shut."

I have been buying cars from the same agency for about twenty years. When I started, I was closed. I was just doing a business transaction and I wanted it over as soon as possible. I made no small talk and after I bought that first car I couldn’t tell you the name of one person in the agency.It would never in a million years have occurred to me to go into the owner’s office, introduce myself, and either complain or compliment him. I was closed.

Over time, I began to open up. The same service group took care of my cars year after year and I began to know their names. Then one day: the big breakthrough occurred.

My wife was waiting while I picked up a car after service. I told her I would wave at her when I know my car was ready and she could leave. But just as I waved a man walked between my distant wife and me. He had no idea who I was and I didn’t know him from Adam. But he weakly waved back.

Good thing I didn’t tell her I’d blow her a kiss.

He turned out to be the owner of the dealership so I followed him into the office to compliment him on his fine service department. We chatted for an hour and became fast friends. When you sell and service cars, it is best if you are open.

The very next time I took my car in for service (it is 7 years old) when the service manager told me my car was ready the driver pulled up in a newer model of a much better and more expensive car. He said, “Here she is Mr. Carey,” and gave me the keys.

I went right into the owner’s office to thank him. It took a few minutes to determine that there was another John Carey in the same dealership on the same day. Figure the odds on that.

I was open and happy and laughing. The other John Carey acted as if he had been violated. Closed for ever!

The owner, the service manager and I all had a good laugh.  All open.

I know a great big white racist banker from Alabama. His wife left his with their only child, a daughter. At the age of 18 the daughter declared that she was pregnant.When the child was born Grand Dad correctly concluded that this child was half Black. He was blind with rage.

A year later the daughter had a second child. This one looked half Latino. Grand Dad was furious again. This lasted a year or two, totally closed, until one day Grand dad woke up and said to himself: this is your daughter and your Grandchildren. If you don’t love them who will?

He became open!

I know a lady who is very open and not in any sordid or ugly way. She just likes people. Good thing too because she is in sales and customer service. Everyone loves her. She is open and smiling and greeting everyone.

She has three sisters and they are all closed. They won’t accept advice, they don’t smile and greet people warmly much, and on a sunny Sunday afternoon they are likely to all be at home. They are all closed. One wouldn't let me taker one of her children for a drive to the 7-11 for ice cream. Too dangerous. Too closed.

I have even seen ghastly grimaces as I gave them gifts. As if I might have nuclear waste beneath the wrapping paper.

So these thoughts caused me to ask you: Are you open or closed? And which do you think is the better path for you and your children?

And one more observation.  If you are closed you can still open later in life.  I know that from personal experience!

By John E. Carey
Peace and Freedom
April 29, 2007

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Authors Website: http://peace-and-freedom.blogspot.com/

Authors Bio:
John E. Carey is the former president of International Defense Consultants, Inc.