Fantasy about the Sanders-Biden debate that ends in disaster.

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The Reincarnation of Saint Sanderson

I know I killed off Saint Sanderson, but in this installment, he is being reincarnated. And he is going to debate Biden Boring.

They are preening in the town hall seated far apart. While the diminutive Boring does not have an imposing appearance, we must remember this is in a society that had not yet developed TV. Radio is the medium, and in that arena, his mellifluous voice carries him. Sanderson looks nervous and fidgety, his white hair more unruly than ever.

The moderator, a man with thinning silver hair and a deep voice, begins the introduction.

"Our debate will be conducted like a conversation and the candidates will be able to question each other freely while they are making their comments. I want to introduce them to our audience tonight as well as to our audience of millions of listeners, all of whom by their presence are participating in this great democratic debate that enables us to choose the candidate who best represents our beliefs and values. To my right is former Vice President Biden Boring."

There is applause.

"And to my left, Senator Sandy Sanderson."

More applause.

"Sanderson won the coin toss and we will begin with his opening comments."

Sanderson strides to the podium, and puts both arms on the rostrum. He looks out and raises his left hand.

"The time has come to take on the billionaires, and unfortunately my good friend, Biden," Sanderson gazes to the right and points to Boring, "is their representative. It is time for the people to vanquish their oppressor and rise up against the fraud being perpetrated. It is time to reveal the truth about the autocracy being supported by the media, by their slavish fawning for the powers that be. It is time for people to rise up and protest, and say no more lies, no more propaganda, no more hiding the truth. This I will fight until I breathe my last breath!"

Sanderson pounds the rostrum with his final word and sits back down.

Boring rises up on his tippy toes. It's a quirk he developed when he was very young, walking on his tippy toes, which resulted in the nickname Tippy and was still used affectionately by his friends. President Dumpf who was not his friend referred to him as "Tiny Tippy Toes." After tip-toeing to the podium, he looks out at the audience and over at Sanderson, and smiles.

"Yes, I represent the billionaires, Sandy, but I also represent the working Joe. I was one myself once working in a neighborhood swimming pool, and most of the time, I was the only white brother there."

Sanderson interjects: "Is that what sparked your involvement in Civil Rights?"

"Oh, yes, I was one of those guys that sat in and marched and all that stuff."

"But Biden, there's talk that the stories of your exploits are something you made up. First you said you were only 17 when you got involved, another time 22, and another time 25. Which is it?

"I-I-I'm not sure of the dates, but I did more than just work at the pool."

"Can you prove it?"

"Let him resume, Senator Sanderson," said the moderator.

"Yes, I can. If I may, can I tell the story now?" Boring looks at the moderator.

"Go ahead. This is an open debate and you have the floor."

"Thank you," Boring said.

"Well, it happened when I was the lifeguard. The pool was in an all-black neighborhood and I don't think I ever saw, maybe two or three white people there. One day this bad dude showed up. Never saw him before. Later, I found out he ran with a bunch of bad boys. He was up on the diving board without a bathing cap and in those days the kids wore a lot of pomade in their hair and we didn't want it to get in the water. It was the rules.

"I said, 'Hey, Esther Williams, you! Off the board.

He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I said it. Ya see he wasn't just any bad dude. He was Corn Pop, the baddest dude in the neighborhood. You don't mess with someone like him. But I didn't know that. He dove into the pool and I walked over. I told him to get out and stay out for the rest of the day. As he left the pool, he yelled something about getting me. The kids at the pool warned me that he carried a knife.

That night I'm closing the pool, and the dude comes around with two other guys. No one else is there and they're waiting for me. This was before 911, so I found this chain laying around and I wrapped it around my arm, and went outside.

Corn Pop wasn't very big, but the other two dudes were. I just stood there, and I guess he decided he didn't want a piece of me, and we became friends.

"And that's how you got into Civil Rights, Biden?" Sanderson asked.

"I guess so."

"Let's move on," the moderator said. We have a question for you, Mr. Vice President. It's from a member of our listening audience, a supporter in South Carolina. She writes. We all know about Corn Pop here. But didn't you leave something out. I heard you used to bring your pit bull to work with you for protection. Was that true?

"It's true. I had a pit bull but in those days we called them terriers. Never brought him to work though. At least I don't remember if I did."

The moderator interjects: "We just received a message from President Dumpf. He says, and I quote, that "Tippy needs to tip-toe better than that if we're going to believe that story."

Sanderson suddenly raises his hand to be recognized.

"I'd like to know, Biden, why you oppose Medicare for All."

"Because people need options, and you know, Sandy, you haven't told us, how, how you're going to pay for it?"

"I've explained this many times. It will come out of payroll taxes. But overall this will cost less than what people are paying for insurance with no co-payments or deductibles or any contingencies."

"Like in Caliente?"

"Yes."

"How can you say good things about that, that country. It supports the Red Death."

"There's good and bad there, and their healthcare is good."

"You're never going anywhere with a comment like that," Boring says.

"That was last time. This time is different. This time I have millions more people ready to fight the billionaires, and anyone who puts their interests above the people."

"The people?" Boring rises up on his toes. "I support the people, I support the Declaration of Independence, I believe that all men are created " uh, uh, well you know how it goes."

"Equal, Biden, equal," Sanderson says. "Did you forget that word, or maybe it's not in your vocabulary. Yes, it's time for the people to rise up as one, and as the Declaration says, use their right 'to alter or abolish' this corrupt government of ours."

"That's right, you're not a Democrat. You preach the Red Death."

"I'm a Democratic Socialist, Biden. You know that means? I don't support the fossil fuel industry that wants to destroy our environment. I don't support the pharmaceutical industry that wants to destroy our health. I don't the support the military-industrial complex, which benefits from our biggest entitlement program. And I don't support reducing taxes for the billionaires."

"I'm with you on the taxes," Boring says. "But those other industries. Well, we can't just overhaul our economy. You know without oil in the machine, then the machine, it breaks down."

"We need to put the oil into a different machine, Biden, but a cleaner type of oil."

Boring smiles and does a little pirouette on his toes before tip-toeing back to his seat.

"We will now move to questions from our audience which were submitted earlier. Our first question comes from Esther Palousey from Walnut Creek, California: 'Senator Sanderson, is it true that you're going to raise taxes for everyone, not just the billionaires?"

"Yes, Esther, that is true. When I'm President, billionaires will be paying their fair share, and while taxes will go up for everyone, the working class also will be getting higher wages, once we get the living wage act passed. Not only that but people will have a higher standard of living because the government spending will be shifted away from wasted funds going to defense to areas that will benefit society and the planet as a whole. Jobs formerly in the defense industry will be moved to green energy industries and infrastructure projects like mass transit, which in itself will go a long way to reduce carbon emissions. The people in America will enjoy a much healthier and better quality of life if they elect me President."

Next question. This one is for Vice-President Boring.

"I'm ready,"

"Of course, Mr. Vice-President," says the moderator, "we know that. We know you're always ready."

"Yes, if you elect me, America will not be sorry."

"In fact, that is the next question from Harry Schillmer of White Plains, New York. Why do you feel you are the best person to be our next President?"

"You gotta be kidding me," Boring shakes his head. "I thought I already told you I'd be the best."

"Yes," says the moderator. "But please explain why."

"Well, I've got the experience. I'm not going to change things that much. But I will get rid of Humpty-Dumpty. He is going to have a great fall, and then we will have an honest man like me leading our country."

"Is that all, Mr. Vice-President," the moderator says.

"Well, I need more time to think about that."

"No, Biden," Sanderson says. "It's about time you thought about why you want to be the next President. You haven't given us one good reason."

"The next question for you again, Mr. Vice-President, is from Billy Bob Burr. He asks, 'Can you tell us exactly how much money your son, Sleepy, received in his position on the board of that foreign company? And what did he do besides go to a few board meetings."

"Oh, Sleepy, he's a good son. I can assure you that whatever he did, he did it well."

Suddenly, Boring stands up on his toes.

"I need to stretch, you know, the arthritis."

"Certainly, Mr. Vice President, but can you tell us anything more. He received a lot of money to sit on that board. He must've done something besides sit there and sleep, didn't he?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but you know he does have narco, narco, what do you call it?"

"Narcolepsy, Mr. Vice President."

"Right, that's why they call him, Sleepy. So he may have fallen asleep on occasion, but I'm sure he did a good job. Afterall, he's my son."

"Ok, thank you, Mr. Vice President. Our next question is for Senator Sanderson. It comes from Mrs. Clinton of Chappaqua, New York. She wants to know if your running mate will be a woman."

"Glad you asked, but if I do get the nomination, I have already selected a woman to be my running mate. But first I have to get the nomination. And I'd rather not say who it is, at this time."

"And Mr. Vice President, Mrs. Clinton would like to know if you will select a woman to be your Vice President."

"Oh, yes, of course I have chosen a woman, Elizabeth, I forgot her last name, I think you all know who I mean. That's been in the works, a long time."

"It has Mr. Vice-President?" the moderator says quizzically. "She just dropped out of the race."

"Oh, that's right, I forgot about that."

"Rigged from the start," Sanderson suddenly interjects. "You and the rest of the party put her in the race to poison my campaign. It was all rigged and you know it."

"What do you mean?" Boring says. "No, it's not. People just rather vote for me."

"Then how do you explain, the long lines in Texas, the lack of ballots in Maine, the missing votes in California. The sudden and huge shifts in the vote that were not predicted by the polls, the discrepancies between the exit polls and the final votes. How do you explain that, Biden?"

The moderator interjects: "That is a good question, Senator. We have another question closely related to yours from Greg Pollust of New York City: 'Mr. Boring, isn't it true that every Presidential election for the last 20 years has been tampered with and that once again in this primary your party is cheating your good friend, Senator Sanderson, in order to make you the nominee?' "

"Well, I would have to say that Mr. Pollust ought to watch what he says. However, it is not true. Elections in our country are totally honest. It's what do they say, yes, preposterous, to ever suggest such a thing."

Suddenly, a woman in the live audience calls out: "No it's not. Let me say a few words."

The moderator put up his hand, "Let her speak, Mr. Vice-President."

"It's true! The machines are being hacked by the henchmen of the billionaires. I was a poll monitor at the most recent primary. I checked the paper ballots in a number of the voting machines and they didn't match the digital numbers. It's a hoax, I tell you, a hoax, a fraud, a pox on Constitution and the people. We need to stand up for Sanderson, the true candidate of the people."

The woman charges the stage, appearing to be going after Boring, but security intercepts her.

"It's a hoax! It's a hoax! The billionaires are stealing our country and the people are too dumb to do anything about it!" she screams.

Suddenly, an explosion in the theater. Debris falls from the ceiling. When the smoke clears, injured people and dead bodies and blood are strewn around, some still in the seats which have not been blown apart. It's horrible. Boring and Sanderson have been spared, but democracy has not.

Authors Website: https://tomcalarco.com

Authors Bio:

Tom Calarco is a national authority on the Underground Railroad, having written seven books about the legendary network. He also is the author of the fantasy novel, Hi-doh Hi-dee Ha-Ha. His involvement in the Bernie Sanders campaign has revitalized his interest in politics and he hopes to become involved in the new progressive movement that seeks to establish government that will serve the interests of the American people rather than corporate America.