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November 3, 2018

Should You Vote for the Clean Bathrooms Party?

By Philip Kraske

There are some minor parties in the election that don't deserve to be ignored like the fat kid in gym class. These are the true believers in democracy.


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Should you vote for the Clean Bathrooms Party?
Its candidate's focused, his background's arty,
And has a good point when he says public loos,
Ought to be perfect for the next one to use,
Nowadays, says he, they recall River Styx,
And slobs should be locked between wallfuls of bricks.
We move down the list to the Party Gone Rogue,
Which, you would think, holds no truck with vogue,
But I find it ain't so, for if you look at their plat',
They sound like Repubs who've grown up all brat:
No more taxes, just donations from all,
Based on the government's performance withal.
The Revolution is a party to which I might hark,
They plan to make Wall Street a commie theme park,
Making brokers teach math to thirteen-year-olds,
And tell them the same incentive plan holds:
Success equals bonus, so you'd better work,
And don't come telling me that this kid's a jerk.
But Legalize Everything says to me squat:
This party of drugs and fabulous pot,
That stands to make cell phones a flat human right,
And fun the new standard for which they will fight:
"Like safety and quality, fun is required
With a label that tells you when it's expired."
I could just vote Dem'crat and stick one to Trump,
But these parties get left like a homely old frump,
After all, they try to make work our democ',
They have good intentions and hand you no schlock,
No negative ads and no thorny push-polls,
No Legalize shills, no Clean Bathrooms trolls.

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Submitters Bio:

"11/9 and the Terrorist Who Loved Bonsai Trees" is Philip Kraske's just-published novel. It can be found at his website: