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October 6, 2016

Timely Message: "Positive Words, Powerful Results"

By Joan Brunwasser

[My students] got very good at using more affirming language. It became an important part of my teaching for the rest of my career. My #1 goal at the beginning of each school year was to create a "Caring Community" in my classroom. We did that by choosing the right words. Many of my students have told me years later that it was one of the most valuable things they learned in high school. Thank you Mom. Thank you Tim.

::::::::

Dr. Hal Urban
Dr. Hal Urban
(Image by Abel Sanchez - Golden Images, Redwood City, CA)
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My guest today is Dr. Hal Urban, award-winning teacher, author, national and international speaker.

Joan Brunwasser: Welcome to OpEdNews, Hal. I just read and really enjoyed Positive Words, Powerful Results [Touchstone, 2004]. Why did you write it?

Hal Urban: My first book (LIFE'S GREATEST LESSONS) has a chapter called "Kind words cost little, but accomplish much." It was the only chapter of the 20 that I wanted to write more about, but the book was originally written for kids (it was called 20 THINGS I WANT MY KIDS TO KNOW), and I was trying to keep all the chapters ten pages or less. After the success of that first book, Simon & Schuster wanted me to write two more. I knew right away what the first one would be - about the power of words. Most people take words for granted, not always aware of the enormous power they have for both good and bad. We've all had experiences with both types. I thought there would be a lot of books about the power of words out there, but there were few. So I gave it a shot.

JB: Where did you teach and who were your students, Hal? And what experience with the power of words did you already have with them as you embarked on this book?

HU: I taught at San Carlos HS and Woodside HS (same district - south of San Francisco) from 1966-2001. I also taught adults at the University of San Francisco from 1965-2001. I was always aware of how much kids (and adults) hurt each other with careless and reckless words. My mom (dedicated the book to her) was one of those people who always had a kind word for everyone. Her influence was significant. Also, early in my career, I was influenced greatly by a friend/colleague at San Carlos High. His name was Tim Hansel. His motto was "Always have something good to say." He lived by it, and he was always a joy to be around. It was about that time (early '70s) that I started helping my students become more aware of the power of their words, and to encourage them to use more AFFIRMING words. In other words, build people up instead of tearing them down. Words can hurt. Words can heal. Words can tear down. Words can lift up.

JB: As all of us parents know, it's a far cry from simply pointing something out to your child, however forcefully, and having that child internalize and then "own" it. How did you get through to your students, including the adults?

HU: This was really a challenge at first, especially with teenagers. They all had ready-to-use "put down" language. It was part of their culture. "Put downs" came easily and naturally. But they didn't have "lift up" language. In their words, it was "awkward" and "embarrassing" to "... say that affirming language stuff." It took time, patience, and some good stories (a teacher's most powerful tool) to get them to try. These HS seniors tried, and did find it awkward. I told them everything is awkward when we do it for the first time. Just like learning to drive a car. Once you get past the early awkward stage, it goes smoothly. You just have to work your way past that awkward stage. They did, and they got very good at using more affirming language. It became an important part of my teaching for the rest of my career. My #1 goal at the beginning of each school year was to create a "Caring Community" in my classroom. We did that by choosing the right words. Many of my students have told me years later that it was one of the most valuable things they learned in high school. Thank you Mom. Thank you Tim.

JB: Weren't we more polite once? Where did it go? And how much does that matter: what I mean is, isn't formality sometimes just mouthing the right words without a true feeling for how they work in fashioning connections or destroying them?

HU: There was a time when we were much more polite and respectful as a nation. I think that started sliding downhill in the '60s when the Free (read Filthy) Speech Movement got into full swing. The movie and music industries were telling us to let it all hang out verbally. And we did, especially the younger generation. But I'm really talking about something different here. It's one thing to be polite with our words (please, thank you, etc). It's another thing to be kind with our words - to say something that lifts another's spirits. These kinds of words come from the heart, not from some code of conduct.

JB: Before we go any farther, please clarify something for me. Your bio states that you got both your bachelor's and Master's degree in history. What subject were you actually teaching? If it was history, did a higher-up ever say to you, "Hal, come on now. Let's get back to the subject matter already"?

HU: I started my career as a History (mostly U.S.) and American Government teacher. After a few years, I became very interested in psychology, particularly personal development. I went back to school and got my Doctorate in Education. The emphasis was in developmental psychology. I started teaching Psychology at the high school and a series of courses in Organizational Behavior (psychology applied to the workplace) at the university. But in ALL of my classes, no matter what the subject, I started the year by creating a "Caring Community" in my classroom. I taught the academic part of each subject, no matter what it was, but I spent the first week or more creating an environment that was good for the students to learn in and for me to teach in.

Not once in my career did an administrator ever tell me to get back to the subject matter. I wasn't one of those "touchy-feely" teachers who ignored academics. I explained early to the kids and their parents that I wasn't afraid to make my students work. I also explained the difference between strict and mean. A lot of kids think they're the same thing. I let them know that I was strict (I would hold them accountable), but that I would never be mean to them. They got it. Parents and teachers can be strict and loving at the same time.

JB: I strongly agree. You've been working on this for a very long time - beyond your classrooms, you've written books and traveled literally millions of miles spreading the gospel of speech as an indicator of character. How's it going? Are you, are we, making progress?

HU: It's hard to measure the progress, especially with the adults. I've received hundreds of emails and phone calls over the years from readers of this book and some of my others who tell me that my message has had a lasting impact. Nothing is more treasured by a teacher. In my book for teachers (LESSONS FROM THE CLASSROOM: 20 THINGS GOOD TEACHERS DO) I share some specific strategies for helping kids understand the power of their words, and to use words that affirm life and other people. Many teachers and administrators have given me feedback on how much the culture of their classrooms or schools have changed for the better. But has my message reached the millions of people who most need to hear it? Sadly, no. You have to be a celebrity to get the attention of the media.Teachers will never be celebrities.

cover art for
cover art for 'Positive Words, Powerful Results: Simple Ways to Honor, Affirm and Celebrate Life'
(Image by Touchstone Publishing)
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JB: In my opinion, they are, Hal! And somehow, despite that note of skepticism, I have a sneaking suspicion that you have no intention to stop what you're doing, let alone slow down. What are your plans going forward?

HU: I'll keep doing what I'm doing (writing/speaking) as long as I can. I'll be 76 in a month, but I'm pretty healthy. Time at the gym every morning helps. I don't like the R word - retired. Arthur Fiedler, the great conductor, once said, "He who rests, rots." I agree. John W. Gardner, one of my all-time heroes, said that we should not only be producing as we get older, but getting better at what we do right up to the end. He was teaching Ethics at Stanford when he died at age 89. When I grow up, I want to be like he was.

JB: It seems to me you're well on your way! Speaking of books, I understand you have a few more up your sleeve. Would you care to tell us anything about them?

HU: I have two ideas for books. One is a new and more readable version of Gardner's SELF-RENEWAL - the idea that we should always be getting better in each aspect of life. The other one is a book for kids - maybe 4th grade and up to young adulthood - a semi-fictional story about two kids who want to make the most out of their lives. They start asking around at an early age, and their search results in hooking up with older people who become their mentors, and teach them what it really means to be successful in life. The first chapter in my first book (LIFE'S GREATEST LESSONS) is "Success is more than making money." The first chapter in my most recent book (20 GIFTS OF LIFE) is "Good character is the foundation of a good life."

JB: Can't wait to read more of your stuff. What didn't we talk about yet that you'd like to add before we wrap this up?

HU: "Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa. I taught my students that we use three kinds of words: 1) Neutral - when we exchange information; neither positive nor negative. 2) Toxic - when we poison the atmosphere with our cruel, negative, filthy words. 3) Nourishing - when we stimulate life and growth with our kind words. Finally, every word that comes from our mouths is a CHOICE!

JB: Amen. Thanks so much for talking with me, Hal. It was lovely! Thanks for helping us to get back to treating one another with the respect we all deserve.

HU: My pleasure. Thank you for asking me.

***

Hal's website



Authors Website: http://www.opednews.com/author/author79.html

Authors Bio:

Joan Brunwasser is a co-founder of Citizens for Election Reform (CER) which since 2005 existed for the sole purpose of raising the public awareness of the critical need for election reform. Our goal: to restore fair, accurate, transparent, secure elections where votes are cast in private and counted in public. Because the problems with electronic (computerized) voting systems include a lack of transparency and the ability to accurately check and authenticate the vote cast, these systems can alter election results and therefore are simply antithetical to democratic principles and functioning.



Since the pivotal 2004 Presidential election, Joan has come to see the connection between a broken election system, a dysfunctional, corporate media and a total lack of campaign finance reform. This has led her to enlarge the parameters of her writing to include interviews with whistle-blowers and articulate others who give a view quite different from that presented by the mainstream media. She also turns the spotlight on activists and ordinary folks who are striving to make a difference, to clean up and improve their corner of the world. By focusing on these intrepid individuals, she gives hope and inspiration to those who might otherwise be turned off and alienated. She also interviews people in the arts in all their variations - authors, journalists, filmmakers, actors, playwrights, and artists. Why? The bottom line: without art and inspiration, we lose one of the best parts of ourselves. And we're all in this together. If Joan can keep even one of her fellow citizens going another day, she considers her job well done.


When Joan hit one million page views, OEN Managing Editor, Meryl Ann Butler interviewed her, turning interviewer briefly into interviewee. Read the interview here.


While the news is often quite depressing, Joan nevertheless strives to maintain her mantra: "Grab life now in an exuberant embrace!"


Joan has been Election Integrity Editor for OpEdNews since December, 2005. Her articles also appear at Huffington Post, RepublicMedia.TV and Scoop.co.nz.

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