Loving Bill Cosby felt safe. The confusion is frighteningly common when a perpetrator is someone we love. And most perpetrators are someone we love. We must learn to love, forgive, and not tolerate these actions. How we do this is surprisingly simple.

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We loved Bill Cosby.

We invited him into our homes, for years upon years. We adored him and the love he returned to us. We looked up to him, saw him as a father figure. In black homes, white homes, brown homes, and colorful homes, Bill Cosby was universally loved and revered. He encouraged us to laugh, almost always with family friendly humor.

Loving Bill Cosby felt safe.

Until we couldn't ignore the whispers and accusations we were hearing anymore.

This confusion is always there, is frighteningly common, when a perpetrator is someone we love. And a person we trust and love is the most common perpetrator. Most victims-direct victims and indirect victims--are lost in the question, "How could he? How could she?"

In this way, Bill Cosby finally being officially charged for sexual assault is an important gift. We were all complicit and we are all now lost in the question, "How could he?" But we are also gifted with some answers. Not to the question that will leave us lost, but to the question of, "What do we do? What's right to do?"

For victims of abuse everywhere (and also for our world in general) this is what we need to do: Learn how to love him, forgive him, not tolerate his actions, and not invite him into our homes. We need to do this universally.

How do we do that? It's simple.

Charge him, if found guilty levy the punishment, and love him anyway. Take away his power to perpetrate, forgive him and forgive ourselves.

And this is how we need to raise our families, our communities. If someone does something harmful we charge them, levy the punishment/consequence, and love them anyway because loving them anyway frees us from hate and enables them to become something new. If they are our children we also must add something new, give them a new direction, a new way to be. We mustn't leave them lost.

We know what it is to be lost. It's dangerous and frightening. Which is why I always uncover and offer answers, in homes around the world, in my talks and videos and books, and while sipping coffee with my many wonderful children.

Bill Cosby did us a favor. He's uncovered an answer.

His victims did us a bigger favor. They've insisted we accept and share that answer.

We must accept it and share it for all of our sakes.

I invite you to watch this short video where I speak about this issue:

youtu.be/p9KL1aXSntA

Authors Website: http://www.lynettelouise.com

Authors Bio:

Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD is doubly board certified in Neurofeedback and has an MS. She is studying for her PhD in Clinical Psychology with a specialty in Psychophysiology at Saybrook University

Global mental health expert Lynette Louise raised eight children. Six of her children were adopted and four of those were on the autism spectrum. Lynette prioritized raising her children into functional adults and succeeded despite her five broken marriages. According to Lynette "I would get married in the hopes that someone would save me. That doesn't work by the way. In the end I focused on saving my kids and saved myself in the process." Lynette was able to guide all but one off the spectrum and into lives of independence.

When asked about her secret Lynette says, "Well, I laugh a lot. I see autism as adorable and quirky and since laughter as just joy percolating it heals. After all when you percolate joy you can't help but save a few lives. Isn't the very definition of saving a life is taking it from misery to joyfulness?"

Lynette travels internationally performing and speaking on the subject of autism and the efficacy of neurofeedback (biofeedback for the brain) administered with joyfulness.

Offering a playful therapy of fun, family dynamics counseling and neurofeedback-- she effectively helps parents become confident experts in their family's healing. She is the author of the refreshingly honest and at times hilarious new book MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism.