Once upon a time, in the land of Frackmerica, from sea to once-shining sea, indeed it came to pass that the Democratic Princess Snow White was pitted against sixteen (at last count) dwarfs of the Republican persuasion. Each of these dwarfs was small in mind rather than in body, and each sought to win control of the land of Frackmerica to achieve his/her own evil ends. Herewith are some of the dwarfs seeking to take over Frackmerica:

Trumpy dwarf, aka Grumpy, can be easily recognized by the large shoe often in his mouth. Trumpy has issues with everything under the sun, moon, and stars, except with his own irrelevancy. His comic misbehavior ceased to be amusing long ago.

Ricky dwarf, aka Dopey, also has a fondness for irrelevancy, but adds forgetfulness too, as when he advocated abolishing three federal departments -- but could not recall which three. Ricky hails from the Lone Star State, where he is tolerated -- and should remain.

Scotty dwarf, aka Unionbuster, boasts about his accomplishments in his home state of Incontinence while appearing to have no real grasp of national issues or concerns. He was nearly recalled from governing Incontinence, but spent enough money to survive.

Carly dwarf, aka Nosy, boasts of her business leadership experience while failing to understand that national governments are not like for-profit business firms. Carly earned her nickname from spying on her own board of directors when they criticized her skills.

Ben dwarf, aka Dr. Dwarf, boasts of how his medical skills qualify him to run Frackmerica, while failing to understand that national governments do not operate like the operating room in his hospital. Still, Ben adds a bit of needed color to the campaign.

Christy dwarf, aka Mouthy, boasts of how he specializes in straight talk -- except when that inconveniences him or his campaign, which is most of the time. Christy has a problem with people crossing bridges in his home state, and tends to burn his bridges too.

Jebbie dwarf, aka Bushy, boasts of how his family deserves one more chance to try to get it right at the national level. Most Frackmericans are unlikely to agree with Bushy in that view, a feeling even shared by his own mother before he joined the dwarf-pack.

Teddy dwarf, aka Cruzie or Crazie, boasts of how he will return Frackmerica to its roots, while managing to have both of his shoes in his mouth at the same time. Teddy does prove, however, that there is no judgment requirement in order to run for high office.

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These are only some of the many dwarfs who have already announced their quest to head Frackmerica beginning in 2016. Princess Snow White should have little trouble making her case against the dwarf-pack -- her real problem will be keeping a straight face!