When a train is approaching and you need to add money to your fare card fast, people who've never used the fare card machines decide it's time to learn--now. Behind them are people with borderline obsessive compulsive disorder depositing a decade's worth of nickels one at a time.

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It is no secret that half the world is out of a job and the other half looking for a better job than what they are doing which is probably "telesales."

No wonder there are so many of us straphangers these days. But just because you are not behind the wheel does not mean you're exempt from rage. Here are some circumstances that can produce "rail rage."

Getting to the Platform

When a train is approaching and you need to add money to your fare card fast, people who've never used the fare card machines decide it's time to learn--now. Behind them are people with borderline obsessive compulsive disorder depositing a decade's worth of nickels one at a time.

If the train is approaching and no one is at the fare card machines, it's because they are out of order. Too many nickels.

It the machines are working and you add your fare in time to catch the train, a crowd that just got off the train will mass and swell the turnstiles and you'll still miss your train.

(Note: Sometimes a station agent will see your dilemma--you'll miss your train because of Nickelman in front of you--and let you through the handicapped entrance for free. The problem is when the agent takes pity on you and you run up the stairs, the train you heard and thought was yours, is usually going in the other direction.)

Catching the Train--Not

Generally speaking if you run for a train, falling "upstairs" on your knees, the conductor will see you and pull away as you approach.

If the conductor waits and lets you on board, it is because the train is scheduled to sit and wait 500 feet down the tracks so you have gained no time-- especially when you are late.

If it's cold out, the train will sit with its doors open inexplicably. Aren't you glad you caught your train?

Inclement Weather

Bad weather is the main reason people want to drive and not ride the train. If it is cold out, the heat lamps will be broken or the crowd will not let you near them since they were there first.

If it's hot out and the heat lamps are inexplicably working, the crowd won't let you escape them since they were there first.

If the heat lamps aren't on and you try to turn them on, you'll activate a loud message that says "customer needs assistance on platform one." No one will come to assist the customer of course--good to know in a real emergency--but everyone will look at you. Nor will the heat come on.

Wayfinding

If you're getting off at an unfamiliar stop, the train loud speaker system that calls stops will be broken.

If you ask someone if you have the correct stop, they will always say yes whether they know or not, trying to be "helpful."

If there's an overhead map, the area you are trying to go to will be covered with red paint graffiti.

Finding a Seat

When a train car is full except for one seat, the seat will be covered with what you hope is Sprite.

If there's another seat, it will be next to the end doors where you'll be the first person that emotionally disturbed people and panhandlers see when they move from car to car injuring your legs with the door.

If you have to stand, you'll be pushed by someone with a 40 pound backpack against the "call operator" button and the conductor will yell at the car for the false alarm as everyone glares at you.

Belongings

Belongings are another reason people would rather drive than take the train. How do you carry charcoal briquettes? Ice? A pet? A new comforter from Macy's? Not only is it uncomfortable, you'll cause rail rage in someone else for taking up an extra seat.

(Article changed on May 6, 2015 at 13:46)

Authors Bio:

Martha Rosenberg is an award-winning investigative public health reporter who covers the food, drug and gun industries. Her first book, Born With A Junk Food Deficiency: How Flaks, Quacks and Hacks Pimp The Public Health, is distributed by Random House. Rosenberg has appeared on CSPAN and NPR and lectured at medical schools and at the Mid-Manhattan Public Library.