As of this past July 24, whenever the propensity to trample over the concept of nuanced diplomacy by boorish GOP political figures is discussed, one can rest assured that Mitt Romney will be noted not for being just another rampaging Republican elephant, but instead as that party's G.O.A.T. -- as in Greatest Of All Time.

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Not thoughtful; not smart. 

Boston, MA -- Further evidence that Mitt's a nit-wit.  It was on July 24 that Mitt Romney touched down in the U.K. for what was to be a sort of mini-world tour designed to showcase Romney's foreign policy bona fides; resurrect fond memories of Mitt's 2002 Winter Olympics glory days; and suck a few dry C-notes from a bunch of high-rolling money-folders, specifically, casino tycoon Sheldon Adelson's peeps over in Israel. 

By now we all know how well that worked out. Mitt carried himself with the kind of stature befitting the Travelocity Gnome. Sure, he came home lugging a several million dollar shitload of money; but that's about it. As for the remaining goals, the Romney campaign might as well have made Charlie Sheen a surrogate and sent him abroad instead. Romney's diplomatic follies during that brief Euro-Middle East tour make Sheen's crack-ish antics during his "epic" "Violent Torpedo of Truth, Defeat is not an Option" tour last year seem like an evening in Newport on smooth jazz night. 

Romney's gaffes have exceeded epic proportions. Largely on his own, he's constructing himself as the epitome of political non-acuity. Not since Sarah Palin has a politician provided such a perplexing mix of knee-slapping diplomatic hilarity and head-scratching political ineptitude both at home, and now abroad. What's more, the word from the U.K. is that Romney was "worse than Palin," making his trip perhaps the zaniest incursion anywhere by an American public figure since the Muppets took Manhattan.   

Mitt's moved beyond the tipping point of being merely objectified by his opposition; he's now become adjective-ized if you will. We've reached the point at which now, the word "Romney" is synonymous with a flood of politically negative adjectives -- inept; ignorant; detached; wooden; aloof; insipid; or thoughtless, to name a few. We're perhaps one mega-gaffe away from ushering in an era where virtually any act of downright political stupidity will be thought of as "a Romney."  

As in: "Wow! Senator So-and-So sure pulled a Romney during that speech." 

Managing Mitt is no easy chore. Thus, not surprisingly -- in light of a campaign for president marked by the media's focus on Mitt's gaffes and overall political ineptitude -- there have been no calls from the Romney campaign that the press "let Mitt be Mitt." More likely, Mitt's handlers stay locked in a constant state of fingers, arms, and leg-crossed readiness in expectation of the next amazingly "WTF" remark that would force their crafting of yet another rhetorical walk-back. Eric Fehrnstrom, a key Romney advisor who once was a beat reporter for the Boston Herald -- my hometown's seedy sister publication of the even seedier New York Post -- perhaps finds himself challenged in a way not experienced since his days of twisting and re-angling his local reporting to fit the Herald's conservative agenda-driven agit-prop. 

But how does one spin such an ironclad fiasco? Mitt was uproariously laughed out of England after his snooty remarks about British preparedness for the Olympics. In Israel, his yada-yada about Palestinian/Israeli cultural differences, Jerusalem as Israel's capital, and his eagerness to unload a bit of shock and awe on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad left knowledgeable Middle East watchers in open mouthed amazement at the level of naivete implicit in his remarks. 

And let's not get started about Mitt's press stooge who blew Romney's chance to at least dash out of Poland unscathed by insisting that questions from reporters were, as they say in Poland, zakazany because at the time Mitt was on "sacred grounds." Apparently being on sacred grounds was ground enough for said stooge to admonish those who ignored him to "kiss my ass!" 

"Culture" Shock 

There are many allegories and old sayings that offer thought-provoking insights into everyday life: "It is easier to believe than to go and ask," for example. Or, "you can't get blood from a stone." Mitt's performance as a candidate may result in yet another -- "You can't transform the mindset of a businessman into that of a politician." 

Nevertheless, if businessman Mitt wants to play politician, he needs to come as one. Mitt has traveled the world on many occasions appropriately wearing expensive, well-tailored business attire. For his Euro-Middle East tour, he may as well have worn a clown suit. What that trip proved is that Mitt needs to fundamentally change how he thinks in a way that actually moves him away from what is perceived as his greatest strength -- his business background. 

This means divesting himself of his businessman's persona and investing in that of an actual politician. 

Mitt embarked on his tour probably taking enough financial acumen and standard business-related accoutrements to fill his oversized Rimowa luggage. But, whatever political smarts he's accrued during all the years he's been running for president were obviously left behind; perhaps unable to be squeezed into that luggage. And regrettably for Mitt, diplomatic and political aptitudes aren't items that can be strapped to the roof of an airplane.  

The hidebound ignorance revealed by his overseas blunders -- most famously, the shibboleth Mitt pitched in Israel regarding Jewish and Palestinian cultures -- provides, as Romney would put it, a "marvelous" example:

"As you come here and you see the GDP per capita, for instance, in Israel which is about $21,000 dollars, and compare that with the GDP per capita just across the areas managed by the Palestinian Authority, which is more like $10,000 per capita, you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality."

Ignore the fact that, like his mis-prognosis of the fate of a bailed-out U.S. auto industry, the businessman was also completely wrong on the GDP per capita numbers; but do take note of the terms employed by Mitt here: GDP, per capita, economic history and economic vitality. That's Mitt the businessman speaking; but it might as well have been Joe the Plumber.   

Mitt the politician would understand when and where to rein in the brown-nosing. Pandering, while useful, clearly has its limits; even among the intended targets. Repeatedly indulging the 95-year-old grandmother of your fiance about how "youthful" she looks, for example, will only get you so far. Especially if you both know damn well that she looks every bit her age. Considering the economic impact of the Israeli occupation on Palestinians, Mitt's racist cajoling about Jewish cultural superiority being the reason for Israeli/Palestinian income disparity probably gave the shivers to many Israelis -- Netanyahu included -- who know better.

A Simple Task Made Difficult   

Carrying out a routine overseas political fundraising/junket should be a fairly simple task for anyone who fancies himself worthy of the title of Commander-in-Chief. In this case, Mitt merely needed to swoop in to the target countries, flash the awesome "Anglo-Saxon" smile as he extends plaudits at every opportunity; generate a few baby-kissing photo-ops; put the snatch on all that folding money hurled at him along the way, then cop a squat on an airplane and get his ass back home in time for the rollout of July's unemployment numbers. 

Mitt did little of that. It's evident now that Mitt permitted his insecurities to get ahead of him. So, instead of allowing his presence as America's presumptive Republican Presidential nominee to do his talking for him, he wrongly made the bold, tactical decision to permit his mouth to take on that assignment. Such is life. Nevertheless, in its aftermath, instead of riding shotgun on the claim by an advisor that the trip was a "great success," Mitt needs to own up to the gaffes, diplomatic blunders, and missed opportunities.  

I would, however, concede Mitt a bit of slack for any missed photo-ops of the candidate kissing babies (although not necessarily because he may have been far too busy puckering up to the rear ends of his adult benefactors). Those misses were likely the result of a decision made by parents from the visiting countries that it just might not be a good idea to bring the wee ones too close to Mitt. 

These would be parents who are likely to have viewed the trailer for The Campaign, where Will Farrell's character -- a candidate for Congress -- experiences a politician's worst nightmare by accidentally slugging an infant, presumably during a campaign event. If, as Oscar Wilde famously noted: "life imitates art," then the sight of the infant's pacifier flying from its mouth in slow-motion is one that would make most parents think twice about bringing their babies anywhere near such a gaffe-prone American politician.  

It's not an unreasonable precaution. The odd future envisioned for America expounded by Mitt and other GOP contenders via some of the most extreme notions, principles, and policy ideals to be found this side of Ayn Rand, scared the bejeebers out of half of America as they witnessed the GOP nomination process unfold. 

Now, thanks to Romney's gaffe-plagued Euro-Middle East road trip, a similar fear has spread to most of the rest of the civilized world.

Authors Bio:

Anthony Barnes, of Boston, Massachusetts, is a left-handed leftist.

"When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world." - Unknown Monk (1100 AD)