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November 22, 2011

Top Ten Twitter "so I pepper sprayed him" Jokes

By Chaz Valenza

Trending Now! (Not really. Twitter won't let it trend.) At hashtag #soipeppersprayedhim, the best jokes using this punch line.


10)      The bank manager refused my request for a $31 billion bailout package #soipeppersprayedhim  @OccupySydMedia 

9)        He would not give me a demand; NOT ONE #soipeppersprayedhim @StealthBull 

8)       She wouldn't sit at the back of the bus #soipeppersprayedhim @Shhh527 

Yep, right in the face
(Image by Smart Stun Blog)
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Yep, right in the face by Smart Stun Blog

7)       He hadn't had a shower in 3 days and was living in a tent, for chrissake #soipeppersprayedhim @Shhh527 

6)       The nightstick was too much work #soipeppersprayedhim  @OccupyPortland

5)       He was on break from one of his three minimum wage jobs       #SoIPepperSprayedHim  @everydayakita 

4)       He didn't seem impressed with my big gun and my big badge and my big belly #soipeppersprayedhim @OccupyMARINES2 

3)       My little boy asked if god was really a republican #soipeppersprayedhim    @markm1962 

2)       I wanted to attract more people to his movement  #soIpeppersprayedhim AND IT WORKED! @steveaustin1971

1)       He tasted bland, #soipeppersprayedhim @non_serial 

Other nominees:

The chin strap on my riot helmet was too tight #soipeppersprayedhim  @OccupyPortland  

He proclaimed "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed" #soipeppersprayedhim @careyalison     

He had some questions, and i had some pepper spray.. . #soipeppersprayedhim  @unknown_vector    

He asked if I wanted fries with that... #soipeppersprayedhim @ActaVista 

He said, "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind." #soipeppersprayedhim  @mettaben

He reminded me that this was still the United States of America,   #soipeppersprayedhim   @chaztv 

He didn't appreciate his new freedom cage #soipeppersprayedhim @SupportOccupyIn 

He said he needed to spice things up in the bedroom   #SoIPepperSprayedHim  @AnonTestPattern 

He said "MIC CHECK!" #soipeppersprayedhim  @eviljessi 

It was getting to be the holiday season  #soipeppersprayedhim @nzmrmn 

I had always wanted to see what happened when I used this thing,   #soipeppersprayedhim   @quicklikerodly 

He wasn't willing to gamble millions of other people's dollars #soipeppersprayedhim  @LesHutch 

He wanted to take a nap on public land #soipeppersprayedhim OccupyMARINES2 

The professor kept insisting the earth was older than 6000 years #soipeppersprayedhim  @markm1962 

My kid wanted to read books instead of watching tv  #soipeppersprayedhim  @eviljessi 

A man walks into his bank and asks to close his bank account,  #soipeppersprayedhim @polymath22 

my employee wanted health benefits #soipeppersprayedhim  @evilmatthew 

Submitters Bio:

Chaz Valenza is writer and small business owner in New Jersey. He earned his MBA from New York University's Stern School of Business. His current feature film project is "Single Point Failure" an insider's account of how the Reagan Administration caused the greatest tragedy of the space age based on Richard C. Cook's book "Challenger Revealed." He is a former Director of Public Information for Planned Parenthood of NYC. His website is: www.WordsWillNever.com