Back   OpEdNews
Post a Comment
Original Content at
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).

August 12, 2011

The Decline and Fall of the Democratic Party?

By Bob Patterson

Can the answer to the budget crises be found in a 200 year old book by Edward Gibbon?


While the Democrats constantly hum the refrain in the Eagle's song about a fellow who spends his whole life locked up in chains only to discover that he has had the key in his hands all the while, the Tea Baggers are desperately hoping that those folks don't read Edward Gibbon's magnum opus, "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire," because if the perpetually stymied Democrats do peruse that example of literature, they might suddenly have a solution to the riddle of how to finance a country's essential services while fighting capricious and strategically unnecessary foreign wars.  

When the Democrats eventually suggest not fighting optional wars, the Tea Baggers will quickly defuse (bellicose pun?) that argument by responding:   "World Peace will be a "Jobs Killer!'"  

Think of all the jobs that Peace would eliminate.   Then think of the "Age of Aquarius" and how many jobs that spawned.   Aren't "Head shops" illegal in many states?   Once folks have listened to the "Hair" album a hundred times, then what?  

Recently when we learned that Willie Nelson was starting a new political party called "The Tea Pot Party," we sent the link to the web site to a fellow who knows George Clayton Johnson (of Twilight Zone fame) and asked that the information be forwarded to Mr. "Kick the can."   Did that get us any new regular readers?   No!   Would Hunter S. Thompson endorse Willie's political endeavor?  

When we imitate Merle Haggard and make fun of the "hippies out in San Francisco," the column gets twice as many hits; so (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) expect some more columns with more sarcastic references to "drug addled morons."

Speaking of the Hippies out in San Francisco (Hey, stoners, have you heard:   It's just like the Jim Morrison song says; the Vietnam war is over!), they are just the kind of people to think that the recent "Kids for Cash" trial in Pennsylvania is proof that the privatization of prisons was a bad idea.  

Does the fact that a judge was convicted of doling out excessive jail sentences for minor drug offenses (in return for a "finder's fee"?) provide conclusive proof that privatizing jails was a bad idea?

Speaking of getting children headed in the right direction, on Thursday, August 11, 2011, on his radio program, Mike Malloy had a story about how the corporate farms were providing berry picking jobs for kids.   It was Malloy's assertion that a seven year old kid had an entitlement to ten more years of public education rather than an opportunity to live out a "rags to riches" success story that is a basic ingredient of life in this "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" paradise for motivated citizens.

Apparently Malloy hasn't seen "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."   He seems to be stuck in the nostalgic sixties with the "kids still respect the college dean" philosophy that superseded the "flower power" image of sticking a daisy down the barrel of an M-1 rifle.  

Which would be a better choice for seven year old kids:   the lyrics of the Roy Orbison song "Workin' for the Man," that teach berry pickers that if they work hard, then someday they might own the farm, or the lyrics to "Smokin' in the Boys Room"?

The kids in school are blasted out of their minds and mouthing the song segment about seeing a picture of themselves on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.   ("Buy five copies for my mother.")   Wouldn't it be better for them to be outdoors in the fresh air doing some hard work?

Has moving their headquarters out of San Francisco helped Rolling Stone magazine?   The latest issue invites readers to jump to the conclusion that if (subjunctive mood) Rupert Murdoch used extortion to influence politics in Great Britain he might be doing the same thing in the United States of America.   When Rolling Stone moved, did they lease some available office space in the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory?

In his essay, "Faking It," Michael Sorkin wrote:   "If any accident produces coherence, all coherence is artificial."   Thus if the Republicans can convince voters that their crazy quilt Party isn't the medium but is the actual message, then the Democratic attempt to provide a coherent response will be perceived as artificial and doomed to fail.

When Sorkin referred to wrestling on TV, he stated:   "It tightens the link between the representation of reality and the comparable validity of its infinite distortions."   Couldn't the same be said of the Republican Party?

Isn't the 2012 Presidential Election going to be a variation of TV wrestling?   Won't the Republicans (who always get to frame the issues) present the idea that the Republicans are the clean cut All American hero types doing their best to get the referee (The United States Supreme Court) to notice that the other fellow is cheating?   The other fellow is always depicted as a slimy villain flip flopping out of the hero's best move and then using an illegal punch to stun the hero?  

Jack Armstong (AKA the all American boy) will be pitted against a villain (oil sheik, Apache warrior, a guy in a German WWI helmet, an illegal alien, or [worst of all?] a Frenchman [can you say "existentialist," boys and girls?]) who will immediately incur the disdain (This train?   This stain?   Whatever!) of the patriotic red blooded Americans in the audience.  

Would it help Jack Armstrong to validate his attempt to portray himself as "the next President," if two members of his immediate family had previously worn the POTUS (President of the United States) crown?

At that point the staff at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory will roll out their effort to conflate confusion with conviction and assert that President Obama is a Republican mole and encourage prejudice via a vote for any other available candidate?  

Isn't that hypothetical future example of stealth racism just as absurd as the idiotic suggestion that Gorbachev was a CIA mole?

What are they smoking during their breaks (at least 20 feet away from the doors) near the entrances to the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory?

Jack Kerouac may have been speaking a bit prematurely for the Democrats when he said:   "We are a beaten generation."

Now the disk jockey will play Scott McKenzie's "San Francisco [Be sure to wear a flower in your hair]," Merle Haggard's "Okie From Muskogee," and The Jefferson Airlane's "White Rabbit."   We have to go see if we can get a ticket to see "the Fanatics."   Have a "Plastic fantastic" week.

Authors Website:

Authors Bio:

BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future Pulitzer Prize winner. (Eddie Adams in the AP lunch room told him to get rid of the everready case for his new Nikon F). A Pulitzer Prize winning reporter broke BP in on the police beat for a small daily in Pa. By 1975, Paul Newman had asked for Bob's Autograph.
(Google this: "Paul Newman asked my autograph" and click the top suggested URL.)
His co-workers on the weekly newspaper in Santa Monica,(in the Seventies) included a future White House correspondent for Time magazine and one of the future editors high up on the Playboy masthead. Bob has been to the Oscar ceremony twice before Oscar turned 50.
He is working on a book of memoirs tentatively titled "Paul Newman Asked for my Autograph." In the gold mining area of Australia (Kalgoorlie), Bob was called: "Col. Sanders."