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January 20, 2011

FLASH! House Republicans Plan Vote to Repeal the Law of Gravity!

By Eugene Elander

House Republicans, flush with their meaningless repeal of improved Health Care for most Americans, are now looking for other laws to repeal. This article takes a humorous look at some laws they may be considering repealing.


Buoyed by their meaningless victory in repealing last year's improved health care bill, House Republicans are now planning and strategizing to repeal the Law of Gravity.  Speaker of the House John Boehner (aka Jack the Weeper) is announcing this monumental effort at changing the rules of physics as "on behalf of the American people, whom we love, and love to love, really and truly."  The exact timing of the planned repeal of the Law of Gravity  is still a bit uncertain, but it is guaranteed to happen shortly before the Nether Regions freeze over.

A Republican "fact sheet" being used to justify the repeal of the Law of Gravity makes the following bullet points (bullets are dearly loved by Republicans, as they can be used in guns, which they love even more):

1) The Law of Gravity is unfair to all those hard-working wealthy    Americans who can't carry that wealth around with them because it is too heavy, due to gravity.  Of course, they might leave their wealth in financial institutions, but those same financial institutions aka banks cannot be trusted due to all of the slack Republicans cut for them.

2) The Law of Gravity is responsible for many harmful effects, from causing plane crashes to making all that BP oil remaining in the Gulf of Mexico sink towards the bottom, where it will linger for centuries, further polluting the Earth as well as our bodily fluids.

3) The Law of Gravity is responsible for the decline in American family values and religious observance (the logic of this third proposition is not spelled out in the draft of the Republican "fact sheet" but they are still working on it.)

Following their anticipated success in the repeal of the Law of Gravity, House Republicans have further repeals in mind, such as repealing Isaac Newton's Laws of Motion; they take particular exception to this Law: For Every Action, There Is An Equal and Opposite Reaction.  The National Rifle Association aka the Gun Lobby has pointed out that this is the Law responsible for the recoil of guns and similar weapons, which sometimes interferes with shooting accuracy.  And if there is one thing Republicans and the NRA cannot stand, it is missing their targets!  Just ask Dick Cheney about that.

Submitters Bio:

Author's Biography Eugene Elander has been a progressive social and political activist for decades. As an author, he won the Young Poets Award at 16 from the Dayton Poets Guild for his poem, The Vision. He was chosen Poet Laureate of Pownal, Vermont for his poem Pownal People. His three new verses for America the Beautiful:September 11, 2001 were widely acclaimed and read into the Congressional Record by U.S. Senator Chris Dodd. Dr. Elander has authored four volumes of poetry: The Right Click, The World Click, Journeyings, and Philosophy over Fika, all written from 2004 to now, in the U.S. and Sweden -- as well as two published novels: The Goat of God, and Turning the Tides, both available via Signalman Publishing on Amazon.com in Kindle and electronic pdf editions. A self-help book titled Empowerment:Taking Charge of your Life was recently completed and is available via Amazon.com KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing. Dr. Elander is a freelance columnist who published a newspaper for ten years in New London, CT. He is an economist and college lecturer, and has been an agency executive director, emergency management consultant, investigator; and former animal control officer, deputy code enforcement and health officer for Farmington, New Hampshire. He and his wife Birgit, who co-authored The World Click, divide their time between Georgia and her homeland, Gotland, Sweden. Several other books are underway, including a sequel to The Goat of God, and a public version of his doctoral dissertation on Cooperatism, a new economic system he developed which includes all stakeholders (workers, consumers, and the public as well as stockholders) in crucial decision making. Dr. Elander has been a member of the Stonepile Writers group in Georgia and the Poetry Society of New Hampshire. He is president of his own Elander Press.