Is Robert Gibbbs crazy?

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Robert Gibbs' recent dictate that progressive pundits should not dare to question President Obama's agenda will give historians and analysts the raw material for pumping out books and dissertations for years to come. This column will (as all columns essentially are) be a personal response encouraging the audience to ponder the edict and reach their own conclusions about political loyalty. Gibbs comments were reported in a <a href =click here;story Tuesday, by Sam Youngman</a>, on The Hill website.

Earlier this summer, this columnist was summarily tossed off a different liberal website for espousing some unapproved ideas and speculation and that fact inspired the writer to ask himself some questions which are now made more intriguing by the stun grenade which Gibbs just threw into the midst of the wolfpack of progressive pundits.

The World's Laziest Journalist assumes that the electronic voting machines are a viable factor in the contemporary American political scene. It is a verboten belief on that particular website because el jefe and the vigilant brigade of regulars (what means "marching orders?") consider it a conspiracy theory.

First question that comes to mind is this: Since there is a great deal of scientific opinion substantiating the doubt of the results produced by the electronic voting machines, does that mean that the idea of unreliable results is as suspicious as the global warming calamity that only scientists believe? Or is there a bit of selective use of reliance on scientific opinion at work in the ranks of the Democrats? Do Democrats put undying belief in the one bit of scientific opinion and have grave doubts in the other or do scientists get the benefit of double or nothing certainty in their conclusions?

Gibbs made reference to professional progressive pundits and that brings up a bit of obfuscation that needs clarification. Does Gibbs think that all the contributors to liberal websites (such as the one that rigidly proscribes what the contributors can and cannot say) get paid for their work? Or was he hinting that the Democrats are only paying some high profile progressive pundits some undisclosed bonus money in return for their loyalty?

Rush Limbaugh seems to never deviate from the official Republican creed. Is there some kind of undisclosed quid pro quo at work? Is his loyalty required by the folks paying his substantial salary? Was Gibbs saying that rebellion against the officially sanctioned cant means automatic elimination from the ranks of the unpaid contributors who are granted the privilege of working in the secretly subsidized progressive hall of mirrors?

Did Gibbs mean to hint that some progressive pundits may be getting subsidy money directly from the Democrats Party's private war chest account?

That brings up another interesting question. Most progressive websites seem to always be on the brink of financial insolvency. One in particular does not seem to conduct serious fund raising drives, yet they apparently can shell out the money for some extensive polling and, when the data doesn't add up, they also have the money to fact check the polls and then have money to get a lawsuit going against the people they did hire to produce faulty data. Isn't extensive polling rather expensive? Uh-oh! Did Gibbs goof and give away a hint that should have remained buried?

Here is an additional bit of possible humorous symbolism: One of the American Heritage Dictionary definitions for the word poll is "to cut off horns," which would mean that the aforementioned website, if they do get financial subsidies direct from Democratic Headquarters, gets a twofer because they do opinion surveys and also clip the horns of the conspiracy theory heretics.

Next question concerns Gibbs assertion that pundits who question Obama's agenda are nuts. Thanks, Mr. Gibbs, this particular columnist will take that as a dare to go into topics and speculation that might cause you some extreme discomfort in the near future.

At this point, we are reminded of one of our friend's brag that the voices he hears in his head have the "call waiting" feature. He isn't a liberal. Maybe he can give us some good column topic suggestions and then you'll know what "crazy" really sounds like.

Yeah, maybe we'll do some warm up pitches with a column that tries to parody what a contemporary bit of punditry would be like if it was written by William S. Porter, aka O. Henry. The fellow was particularly noted for unexpected plot twists. We'll see what we can concoct in the next several days and post it ASAP.

Next we want to address the implication that President Obama is entitled to my loyalty.

During the summer and fall of 2008, when the liberal websites seemed sharply divided into two camps, the Hillary vs. Obama factions, this columnist tried very diligently to sidestep the either-or trap. We studiously avoided telling our readers what they should think. We did assume that the lady frontrunner had a lock on the nomination.

[You want some of my personal opinions? The Stones are a much better rock'n'roll band than the Beatles ever could hope to be. (The Stones have been around for almost 50 years. How long did the Beatle manage to stay together?) The Yankee team from the early Fifties would have (in a hypothetical match up) put the 1927 Yankee team to shame. "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" was a much better film than "Citizen Kane." Duane Eddy was the greatest rock guitarist of them all. Want more? Thorne Smith's novel "The Bishop's Jaegers," even though it is more than 70 years old, is still ahead of its time and too hot to be made into a movie.]

The Republicans seemed to enjoy immensely the Hilary vs. Obama tussle, but if they can step back this fall and just watch the progressive pundits pummel each other continuously right up to the election night broadcasts, they will have an easy job of getting a filibuster/veto proof majority in both the House and maybe even the Senate. Thus, if Jeb Bush is inaugurated in January of 2013, he may have to give Mr. Gibb a shout out of appreciation in his Inaugural Address.

Remember, after the 2004 election was concluded, when President Bush noted in retrospect that the election (rigged?) had been a referendum on the Iran and Afghanistan Wars? Well, (personal opinion alert!) while the Democrats are distracted and divided over the idea that President Obama is functioning as a Judas goat to get Democrats onboard for the war in Afghanistan, waterboarding, and giving the Bush Administration a "get out of jail" card for any pesky possible war crimes trials, the hidden agenda, which will again be announced in retrospect, is that the Republicans consider this fall election to be a referendum on the fate of the Social Security program.

Uh-oh. Should we have put a spoiler warning at the beginning of this column? Obviously Karl Rove won't buy me a steak at the nearest Ruth's Chris Steak House Restaurant, the next time he sees me. Isn't it my turn to buy?

Recently we dashed (Shout out to my old grade school classmate Joey B.!) off a column about how the word "Kriegschmerz" applies in relation to the recent spate of media stories about the bleak prospects regarding the Afghanistan war.

If Robert Gibbs wants unquestioning allegiance for the President's war policies and if such a column doesn't sit well with the regular readers of a progressive website, what kind of column should be written?

It's damn well obvious that the Republican/conservative pundits aren't asking themselves that question this summer. Nice going Mr. Gibbs. You just handed the Republicans a great early Christmas present.

What does this columnist want the readers to think? The World's Laziest Journalist would like readers to think that independent minded pundits are going to give Mr. Gibbs a world of hurt in the coming weeks and that if Obama is half as smart as people are supposed to think he is; then perhaps he agreed to a Foust style bargain where he would deliver the Democrats into the hands of the military-industrial complex in return for a political achievement that seemed impossible for an person of African-American heritage, just a few short years ago.

In closing, if Robert Gibbs thinks that criticizing President Obama is crazy, we'd love to get his take on this bit of speculation: Does some large military organization have the ability to control the weather and are they using it to hand Pakistan's ruling junta the "paybacks are hell" lesson?

Unless . . .

This columnist is willing to write adoring epics of enthusiastic support for war criminals (incuding Barry) if the paycheck is generous. If Mr. Gibbs wants me to be a paid pundit; we can (upon receipt of the first check) become a Paladin armed with prolific amounts of prose, as it were. "Have Laptop, will travel" Wire this Paladin (AKA World's Laziest Journalist) at Yahoo. Otherwise, we will cling to the last vestiges of our integrity and personify the concept of a prolific pundit trying to purvey the beatnik philosophy that maintains a war crime is a war crime is a war crime no matter if it's a Republican or Democrat serving as war-criminal-in-chief.

One of this columnist's favorite quotes of all time comes from the "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" sound track. Howard (John Huston), the old prospector, says to his young partner: "Laugh, Curtin, old boy. It's a great joke played on us by the Lord, or fate, or nature, whatever you prefer. But whoever or whatever played it certainly had a sense of humor! Ha! The gold has gone back to where we found it! This is worth ten months of suffering and labor - this joke is."

Now, if the disk jockey and the columnist were being banished (again?) to a desert island, the top three albums picked to go with us would be: The Rollings Stones "Hot Rocks" album, the Creedence Clearwater Revival double record Best of album and "The All-Time Greatest Hits of Roy Orbison." We gotta say "Shakin' it up over here, boss." Mr. Gibbs, have a "sell crazy someplace else" type week.

Authors Website: marijuana-news.org/smokesignals

Authors Bio:

BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future Pulitzer Prize winner. (Eddie Adams in the AP lunch room told him to get rid of the everready case for his new Nikon F). A Pulitzer Prize winning reporter broke BP in on the police beat for a small daily in Pa. By 1975, Paul Newman had asked for Bob's Autograph.
(Google this: "Paul Newman asked my autograph" and click the top suggested URL.)
His co-workers on the weekly newspaper in Santa Monica,(in the Seventies) included a future White House correspondent for Time magazine and one of the future editors high up on the Playboy masthead. Bob has been to the Oscar ceremony twice before Oscar turned 50.
He is working on a book of memoirs tentatively titled "Paul Newman Asked for my Autograph." In the gold mining area of Australia (Kalgoorlie), Bob was called: "Col. Sanders."