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The Fox (Gonzales) Promises To Investigate HEN Disappearances

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Message The Pen

Let's Give Gonzales A PUSH, Shall We?

ACTION PAGE: http://www.millionphonemarch.com/goodbye_gonzales.php

The thing we must remember about people who ABUSE power is they do not volunteer to give it up. It's not just Gonzales, look at what's going on with Wolfowitz at the same time, with the entire World Bank staff in open revolt. So if Gonzales has not resigned by the time you read this, please contact your members of Congress and push them to speak out, to tell Gonzales it's time to go.

And if the testimony of the Attorney General clinging to power before the Senate Judiciary Committee was not enough of a comedy sketch, we offer the following:


Prepared Statement of The Fox:

Distinguished members of the Farm Oversight Board, I can reassure the farm community that I want to get to bottom of the missing hens scandal just as much as you do. Each of these hens were very valued and tasty . . . uh, I mean . . . dedicated members of the hen department and we thank them for their loyal service in comprising my diet. . . that is, in working for the best interests of us all.

I hadn't myself noticed when any of these hens disappeared, but we discovered them missing when you asked for a head account. And I have already directed the wolf department to conduct a full investigation. I have every confidence their final report will be just as professional and thorough as the one they did about the lost sheep incidents.

We have done everything we can to cooperate with this hearing process, including providing thousands of HEAVILY redacted documents, which you had no right to ever see in the first place of course, so you certainly don't need to see all the many others we are withholding or told you we can't find. And I have spent many hours preparing for this hearing carefully reviewing all these documents to refresh my memory so I can truthfully tell you I don't remember any of the important events.

And having said that, I would be happy to respond to your questions, even if I don't substantively answer them at all.

Senator Horse: Mr. Fox aren't those hen feathers around your snout?

Mr. Fox (quickly brushing them away): You must understand that I work very closely with the hens every day, so there is nothing improper if a couple of bloody hen feathers happen to get caught in my whiskers from time to time. In my view there is no appearance of impropriety, despite the improper appearance.

Senator Horse: When exactly did the hens start to turn up missing?

Mr. Fox: What missing hens?

Senator Horse: Uh . . . the hens whose disappearance we're here to investigate?

Mr. Fox: Oh, THOSE missing hens. When did that start? Let me be clear, again, I don't recall that.

Senator Goat: Isn't it your JOB to watch over the hen house, to KNOW if any of the hens are missing?

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