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Digesting Fox News, Bill O'Reilly and Dick Morris

By       Message Steve Young     Permalink
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One day during the last presidential campaign Bill O'Reilly said that he would not bring partisans on to The Factor to discuss the election because they would only be spinning the same ol' same ol' and just rehashing their side's nothing-new and biased talking points.

"We learn nothing new and that's not what we're about," reminded the always blunt, looking-out-for-you host. That same night on O'Reilly Factor on Fox, not grasping the screaming comic irony, Bill brought on Newt Gingrich and Dick Morris to discuss John Kerry.

Forward fast to the present: Bill explains the legitimacy of Morris's appearance on Fox this week by saying that because Morris admits despising Hillary Clinton - so much so that he regularly panhandles for contributions to complete his Hillary hit-piece film - the "folks™" will know where he's coming from, so that his assessments of Hillary's campaign will provide them with information that can be judged properly once adequately digested.

Having Morris objectively analyze the subject of his commentary that he makes a living ripping, might seem irrational. Irrationality on The Factor? Puh-leeze.

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Actually it's really quite logical. It just takes a little bit math and a little bit biology, but if you're willing to make the effort, learning from Fox, Bill and Dick can be lots of fun.

Here's how it works.

Admittedly, the information you're getting from Morris on The Factor and other Fox News shows is slanted, so you must first ascertain the exact angle of Morris's tilt to apply the right amount of adjustment to your level of comprehension so that the info you take in is metabolized nutritiously.

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Let's say Morris is waxing political on Democrats as a whole, you should figure in at least a 50 degree correction to your absorption angle. If he hones in on Hillary, you need only take in somewhere around 4%.

Sound complicated. Not if you apply what you learned in tenth grade biology.

Once you take in or masticate Morris' words, your exocrine glands will release digestive enzymes which aid in the breakdown of the fabrication. Salivation helps condense Morris's fact-like material into a bolus that can be more easily swallowed. Your body will make adaptations to prevent choking on Morris's blather.

The information enters the esophageal sphincter and is further broken apart through a process of heuristic churning and digestive enzymes that is essential in the breakdown of propaganda.

Processed in the stomach, the information by-product is passed to the small intestine through the pyloric sphincter. This is where most of the digestive process occurs as the truth and distortion mélange is engulfed with bile, pancreatic juice and enzymes where most actual factual absorption takes place

After going through the small intestine, the misinformation excess goes to the large intestine where the 99% of Morris's punditry that cannot be broken down into actual fact, rots and is stored as feces. The feces is collected in the rectum until it is expelled through the anus.

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And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how crap is isseminated on The Factor.

Of course, swallowing too many Fox nuts and what they say can cause digestive bloviation and exacerbate the dreaded Irrational Vowel Syndrome

Fox News: Fair, balanced and highly excretable.

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