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Top Ten Reasons Scooter Libby Should be Set Free

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10) We need precious prison space to house the really dangerous criminals, like Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Brittany Spears.

9) Pardoning Scooter so he can go back to work at the Bush Administration would be punishment enough.

8) Scooter’s boss, Dick Cheney, is getting kind of lonely at his own secure location without his old bunkmate.

7) A short white guy named “Scooter” doesn’t stand a chance in a federal pen.

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6) “Holy Halliburton. I just realized the same private contractors that ran Abu Ghraib are running the Scooter’s slammer too. Ask Jr. to ask Alberto where we keep those get out of jail free cards.” – Dick Cheney.

5) “If Scooter starts crooning like a canary before going to Sing Sing, I’m afraid the whole White House band may be playing Hail to the Chief from behind bars.” – Karl Rove

4) “I agree that Scooter should get off Scot free, but why hasn’t anyone recommended a straight-jacket for Donald Rumsfeld?” – Sigmund Freud

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3) “Scooter Libby is fine public servant whose only crime is that he was working diligently on behalf of the American public. And for this he has been hounded from his duties and treated like a criminal. It’s not as if he had sex with an intern.” -- Ken Starr (Special Inquisitor)

2) “Scooter is being treated like an enemy combatant. He has no rights. This is torturing his family. And it’s a clear violation of the Geneva Conventions.” -- Alberto Gonzales

1) Locking up a small fry like Scooter makes about as much sense as locking up Tony Soprano’s accountant while the big enchilada goes about his business like nothing happened.


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About the Author -- Scott D. O'Reilly is an independent writer with degrees in philosophy and psychology. His work has been published in The Humanist, Philosophy Now, Intervention Magazine, Think, and The Philosopher's Magazine. He is a (more...)

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