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Helen Thomas and the Watchdogs of the Golden Bull

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Helen of Troy only launched a thousand ships from Greece with her face. But the face of famed reporter Helen Thomas of America has launched in the minds of powerful politicians at least ten thousand "sh*t!!! She's onto me!" And with her soon-to-be-released book, "Watchdogs of Democracy? The Waning Washington Press Corps And How It Has Failed the Public," she will launch at least ten thousand more from people worrying about whom and what she will expose next.

Helen Thomas has the same look my Grandma Nelsie had. Not mean or scolding, mind you, but a look that saw right threw my scams, shams and flimflams. Like the time I was only five or so and my baby kitten had crapped in the corner. If my mama had been there, then I could have got her to clean it up for me. But Grandma Nelsie didn't give a hoot about me acting poor, pitiful and powerless. All she said was for me to stop acting like a baby and get it over with.

That's when I pulled the nuclear option to avoid cleaning up that pungent pile of poop. If nothing else worked, I had learned with my mama that I could play sick. "But, grandma," I said, "I'm allergic to it." Without a trace of malice, Grandma Nelsie looked me straight in the eyes and said "son, everybody is allergic to cat sh*t." Grandma Nelsie so motivated me that I was prompt in trying to train the cat how to use and flush the toilet.

Thomas has that same penetrating look in her eyes. She's not going to fall for any old line. But not only does she remind me of Sofia, the archetypal matriarch of wisdom, Thomas also reminds me of Moses.

Like Moses, Thomas isn't scared to leave the crowd behind and go ask the solitary question, even if it is interviewing a formidable figure of authority that can make her life a living hell. But things have progressed since the days of Moses. When Moses got back from his exclusive one-on-one interview with the CEO of Creation, all his peers were worshiping the Golden Calf. Now days, Thomas finds that her peers in the press are worshiping the Golden Bull. More precisely, they are venerating the bodacious bovine byproduct as if it were pure gold.

Many people know facts. Or, they know at least some, even if they won't report them. Thomas knows wisdom, intimately. She knows how to speak the truth without beating around the bush. Or without worshiping the Bush, I might add. Then again, she's not going to cut any authority figure, Democrat or Republican, undue slack. Thomas knows that her role as a reporter is sacred to democracy. She's like an umpire who has to call them as she sees them, regardless of who's pitching the spin.

My daddy the populist preacher used to love Helen Thomas. He used to rhetorically ask why none of the other reporters had enough gumption to ask the kind of questions Thomas asked. My daddy thought that most reporters were in cahoots with the rich and powerful and didn't ask them questions that might be embarrassing. But he loved Thomas because she asked the questions that needed to be asked. My daddy would have loved to read Thomas' new book and hear all her insights about how the press has really failed us. He'd love to know that Thomas also thinks that greed has played a corrupting role on the press. My daddy would have said that Mammon had bought them off. Thomas' book lends credence.

Anyway, if all my wishes come true on father's day, my deceased father and Thomas will meet up some day in the great beyond. Then, on that day of judgment, if all my dreams were to come true, God will be on a throne deciding who stays in grace and who literally falls from it. God will call forth all the presidents, politicians, press secretaries, pundits and pampered press poodles for one final press conference from which they cannot hide. One deception and they are dropped like a hot potato.

Once all the powerful are in place, God will then say:

"All of you, being such fine, honest, upright devotees of mine will remember that in Proverbs it was recorded that I first made Sofia, or wisdom, before making anything else in creation. That was because Sofia helped make sure everything was right and nothing went wrong. Sofia has often cried out, her voice ringing from the hills down to the marketplace, calling out for people to stop deceiving, to start telling the truth and for people to start thinking for themselves. Yet you politicians wouldn't stop slinging the golden bull. You attacked the messengers. You bought off the press. You lied and people died and cried. It's time to come clean."

Then God will smile and announce that it is time for Sofia to step forth and proceed with the presidents and the rest:

"All right, Helen Thomas, you go first. You've got all the time you could ever possibly want to ask all the questions you need to get to the bottom of it all. And, Miss Helen, ask your questions until they drop."

Tags: Helen Thomas, Watchdogs of Democracy?, Mainstream Media, Book Review, Media, Mammon, Humor, Satire, Sofia, George W. Bush, Democracy
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Richard Mathis Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

B. 1952, GA, USA. D. To Be Determined. Beloved husband, father, grandfather, lover, confidant and friend of many from bikers to Zen masters; American writer and speaker, known for his criticism of Mammon's unholy trinity of big business, big (more...)
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