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Insults at twenty paces: and may neither man miss

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Message Mark Drolette
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So this is what it’s come to, eh? The world’s number two terrorist, Osama bin Laden, getting verbally b*tch-slapped by the world’s number one terrorist.

 All together now: Ooooohhhhhh!  

No, the rhetorical dueling glove (the labeling of bin Laden as “virtually impotent”) wasn’t manfully snapped by George W. Bush himself (who, in a weird coincidence, considers himself virtually important). Instead, it was done for him on Fox News and CNN by yet another in an endless slimy line of administration toadies, this one Bush’s “homeland security adviser, some woman by the name of Frances Frog-o’s, check it, Fragos, Townsend.

In other words, someone who ranks higher than Bush on the testosterone scale. (Although, really, dear Uncle Elmo Drolette still has more of the stuff than Dubya -- and ol’ El’s been dead for twenty years.)


As much as I hate to say it, however, Bush may actually be on to something: perhaps he and al-Qaida’s leader could simply trade emasculating affronts in their respective bids to be named the World’s Most Annoying Creature and just leave the rest of us out of it.


Nah…too sensible.


Argghh! It’s so damn confusing. I mean, are we safer now since 9/11 or aren’t we? I’ve still got all this duct tape and plastic sheeting I’ve been itchin’ to use but I don’t wanna break it out too early lest I appear foolish (as opposed to appearing foolish for having bought it in the first place to protect myself from biochemical agents. Government agents? Now, that’s a different matter: there, with proper application, the stuff could come in handy.)


Another thing: Isn’t bin Laden the same guy Bush so he-manly declared he wanted dead or alive? But now we’re supposed to believe the bearded one -- sporting a more rakish look lately thanks to a spiffy dye job -- is merely a flaccid powder-puff? Or could the story really be Dubya’s simian, sorry, simmering jealously of bin Laden’s obvious play for the youth demographic? Truly, what gives?

 Let’s see what Ben Feller of the Associated Press has to say about the matter:  

“The consensus of the nation’s top intelligence analysts is that bin Laden’s terrorist network is anything but impotent.


“Terrorism experts say the network is regrouping in the lawless Pakistan-Afghanistan border region. The latest National Intelligence Estimate says al-Qaida is growing in strength, intensifying its efforts to put operatives in the United States and plotting against U.S. targets that will cause massive casualties. The U.S. is in a ‘heightened threat environment’ and al-Qaida is the most serious threat, the analysts found.”

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Mark Drolette is a writer who lives in Sacramento, California.
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