For those who are confused about who to vote for, below is a modified ballot that not only includes the names of the candidates, but a quick descriptive slogan describing their campaigns.
Republicans
John McCain: We must show Al-Qaeda and the world that we are king of the hill.
(I Like)Mike Huckabee: I’m the little Bush who thinks he can.
Mitt Romney: I am the Bush with a successful business history.
Rudi Giuliani: I am making9you an offer1you must not1refuse!!
Duncan Hunter: Mr. President, build up this wall--and our contractors’ bank accounts.
Fred Thompson: Can you see me running now?
Ron Paul: I am the Republican Dennis Kucinich
Democrats
Hillary Clinton: Happy 20th anniversary to the resume candidate.
Barack Obama: I have a dream and I will fill you in later.
John Edwards: I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I will blow the corporate house down.
Dennis Kucinich: I am the Democratic Ron Paul.
Independents:
Ralph Nader: Spoiler alert! In your heart you know I’m right.
Is it any wonder that Iraq has a higher percentage of citizens voting than we do? On the Democratic side, Edwards and Kucinich appeal to me. Edwards’ harsh rhetoric against the corporate world is not only needed, it ensures his defeat. In the good old days, you could not fight city hall. Now, you can’t fight the corporate world. They own our country and will decide our future. Isn’t democracy wonderful? In addition, any self-respecting Calvinist has to at least consider a candidate with the name John Edwards.
Dennis Kucinich is also saying what we need to hear. In the real world, strength, and survival, does come through peace; but the financial peace of many corporate campaign contributors does not come without strength. Thus Dennis is in the same boat as Edwards. In addition, Kucinich needs to borrow Obama’s John Malloy Dress For Success books in order to have as real shot.
Speaking of Obama, now that he has read John Mallow, he should reread Martin Luther King because King just didn’t tell us he had a dream, he spelled it out in HDTV format. His dream not only consisted of racial equality, he fought for peace and worked for livable wages. But despite his weaknesses, Obama has performed his designated job for the Democratic Party; his victory in Iowa was the slight of hand that magically tricked people into thinking they were not watching a coronation.
And speaking of Hillary, what can you say without sinning? She has the rhetoric of a Democrat and the authoritarianism of a Republican. She tells us to trust her because of her 35 years of experience at being the change. If I were her IRS auditor, I would ask for receipts to verify her claim. But you have to admit that she does have guts—or something. With a straight face, she publically criticized John Edwards for not getting his Patients’ Bill of Rights passed in the House of Representatives.
This brings up the Republicans. There is just no hope here. Their only criticism of George Bush is that he has neither been efficient nor effective. This means that all we can expect from these candidates is an invasion of Iran et al and the shipping of all remaining American jobs to foreign countries—thank big box stores for their low prices. BTW, the only American workers who are bringing foreign money into this country are our farmers, our weapons manufacturers (thank God for wars), and our entertainers. There is an exception amongst the Republicans here. Ron Paul has been the black sheep in the Republican Party with regards to America’s use of its military. Is there hope here? Unfortunately not! Once you listen to the Conservative Libertarian position of Ron Paul, you notice that the only people who have a colder domestic agenda than a Conservative Republican is a Conservative Libertarian.
This brings us to our Independent candidate, Ralph Nader. It is possible that he will step into the fray after the coronation occurs. His message is straight on and exactly what we need to hear. But he has two problems. First, voters from the home of the brave are tentative about stepping outside of the ballot box to vote for someone who is neither a Republican nor Democrat. Why? Because we don't want our vote to be wasted--which of course is far worse than having one's vote for Bush count. Second, like Dennis Kucinich, Ralph needs to read some John Malloy books in order to have a chance to win. That is not a criticism Ralph; it is our weakness.
