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The Hillary Clinton Doll

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There's increasing speculation that Hillary Clinton is really a DLC doll. The Democratic Leadership Council vigorously rejects this, saying James Carville isn't smart enough to machine such a doll; however, Carville insisted he IS smart enough, and then cryptically added that the nonexistent political agenda of this doll/person (?) could easily be machined by DLC politicians. When Senator Clinton was asked if she was a doll, she said, "I have no position about that." When she/it was asked why she/it never takes a moral or rational position about ANYTHING, she/it made the Hillary Clinton smiley face and smoke began to come out of the ears. One interviewer suggested a strong magnet should be moved close to Happy Hillary to see what would happen.



Terminal hogtroughitis.

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Medical research has confirmed that Bush/Republicans suffer from terminal hogtroughitis. This conclusion is the result of several double blind statistical studies in which Republicans, when exposed to a greed hog trough, consistently manifested the standard symptoms of enlarged snouts, fat buttocks, and snorts. The doctors are puzzled why the second symptom (fat buttocks) seems to be a permanent and identifying feature of the Republican anatomy, but when Dennis Hastert was interviewed about this, it was thought that he oinked, "Hey, this is just what comes from living high on the hog!" Allegedly, an impudent reporter threw Dennis a rotten carrot which he caught with his snout in midair, but this story is unconfirmed.



Judas Joe

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A reincarnation debate is now raging between theologians and politicians. The political camp insists Senator Lieberman is Benedict Arnold reincarnate; however, a group of theologians argue that Lieberman is a recycled Judas Iscariot (known off the record as Judas Joe). Both camps agree that it's exceedingly difficult to know where Lieberman's loyalties lie, since, as one theologian pointed out, "Lieberman has repeatedly betrayed the Democratic Party, so it's impossible to know what people or country he truly represents." The politicians hotly disagree as to whether Mr. Lieberman is the only congressman George Bush ever kissed.



Is Bush really a droid?

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During the 2004 Presidential debates, it was obvious to millions of Americans that George Bush had a small box under the back of his coat. Originally, it was thought the box permitted Karl Rove to program his primate protégé, but a theory now electrifying the blogosphere is that Bush is really a defective droid with an Armageddon death wish. More specifically, the programmers are worried that the droid is petulantly trying to destroy the Earth because, like Pinocchio, it's not really a real, live boy. Said Judas Joe, "Who cares, the kiss still counts."



Did Dick Cheney die several years ago?

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It's a far out theory, but many Cheney watchers claim that Dick Cheney is really a propped up corpse. They site as evidence the rigor mortis mouth/face sneer and walrus-like flopping into chairs, etc., but the most frightening evidence is the Grim Reaper presence that drenches any room Cheney is rolled into. Said one observer, "Hey, we think the guy just died from terminal hatred several years ago."



History's (been there, done that) response to Bush's State of the Union address:

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"Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat."

Jean-Paul Satre, writer and philosopher (1905 - 1980)


More political op-eds, essays, poetry, and fiction from Bill at:

The Liberation of Realism

 

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A liberal American, PhD mathematician, bipedal Earthling.

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