I can see the commercial for it now. "Stay tuned for the next exciting season of The Bachelor when we travel to Baghdad to meet 12 beautiful ladies, all competing for the heart of one man." Then the camera pans to 12 of the most beautiful, intelligent, personable, charming women anyone has ever laid eyes on.
However, what this show may be missing in manly qualities, it more than makes up for in babes. "They have killed off so many of our men over here," morned Fatima, a college graduate with a post-doc in brain surgery and winner of the Miss Congeniality trophy from the latest Miss Universe contest, "that we women are DESPERATE. Our biological clocks are ticking away and there is only one man left for every 25 women in Iraq! Women follow men down the street around here. Even the sperm banks are mobbed. My mother tells me that I HAVE to get married in order to fulfill the customs of my country. But to whom? And how?"
Luckily, The Bachelor--Baghdad is now offering these women some hope that at least one of them will finally find a man. Good for them. Let the games begin. But should we make the ground rules for the women of this show be the same as the ground rules that almost everyone else in Iraq seem to be following? "You are allowed to use torture, depleted uranium, rocket-propelled grenade launchers, Strykers, IEDs, F-16s, beheadings, car bombs, electric drills, Blackhawks, spy drones, knee-capping and sniper attacks, ladies. However, suicide vests will not be allowed." Sorry about that. Sometimes the truth hurts -- but suicide vests are SO hard to accessorize!
I've got a good suggestion. "Everyone needs to stop killing off the young men of the Middle East!" Duh. No more assassinating Palestinians. No more dropping bombs on Afghans. No more blowing up and/or beheading Iraqis. Please, guys! Give the women of the Middle East a chance!