An old friend sent me something like this, but clearly written mostly with a right wing slant. So I rewrote every one, deleted some and added some to better reflect a more liberal perspective. Feel free to copy and pass on. rob kall www.opednews.com
Why Did the Chicken Cross the
BARACK OBAMA: Now is the time. This is the place. This is the chicken and crossing the road will produce the change this chicken wants.
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, I guarantee, even if it takes 100 years, that chicken will cross the road in victory
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SARAH PALIN: That chicken was crossin' the road, but you betcha, I got in my state paid-for helicopter with the first dude's shotgun and blasted that liberal, godless chicken right off the road.
THE 110th CONGRESS: Do you mean the chicken could actually cross the road and not just sit there doing nothing?
HILLARY CLINTON: I was shot at by snipers while I helped that 58 year old white chicken wearing a pantsuit cross the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: That chicken is part of the axis of evil, but maybe it will stand and pose for a picture with me. No-one else will.
DICK CHENEY: Sorry about shooting the farmer helping the chicken cross the road.
COLIN POWELL: On the left side of the sattelite image you can clearly see the mobile kitchen threatening to cook the chicken crossing the road.
ALBERTO GONZALES What chicken? I can't remember.
BILL CLINTON: I don't know why that chicken was carrying a cigar while crossing the road.
AL GORE: Due to global warming the chicken was cooked by the time it crossed the road.
TED STEVENS: The chicken crossed the Alaskan road, and the bridge which I funded with benchmarks for $250 million.
DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINE: There were 200 hundred chickens that crossed the road (from the town of 100 chickens) and they were all Republicans
MAINSTREAM MEDIA The chicken crossed the road with Brittany Spears and a missing Siamese twin, and was almost hit by an SUV pursued by police cars, with helicopters transmitting images of the event.
ALTERNATIVE MEDIA: A chicken, funded by big oil, big Pharma and pork barrel legislation promoted by lobbyists, crossed to the right side of the road.
PROTESTERS: We protested the unsafe crossing of the road from our protest cage a mile away.
FOX NEWS: The chicken was obviously a communist chicken. It was red.
DRUDGE REPORT: The chicken shown below was funded by liberal democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi
This liberal chicken crossed the road with $1 million in Democrat Funding
BILL O'REILLY: The chicken was running from a rapist, but she was a liberal chicken slut, so who cares if the road was a three laner with high traffic. She deserved whatever hit her.
LOU DOBBS: The chicken was an illegal alien chicken running across the road to escape capture by the first brigade soldiers protecting America, in violation of Posse Comitatus, thank GOD.
REPUBLICAN PARTY: That chicken crossed the road without photo ID, making it ineligible to vote or cross the road-- and it's name wasn't on the chicken registry either, probably because it was a former prisoner.
RONALD REAGAN: First, the people earning over a million a year cross the road, then the big corporations. This will make it easier for the chicken to cross the road and while it's crossing, the chicken can clean up the trash they left on the road.
A VEGETARIAN: Do you know how many acres of rainforest have to be destroyed for one chicken to cross the road?
JERRY FALWELL: The chicken was run over while crossing the road because it was in a gay marriage and God cursed it.
PETA: Why couldn't a broccoli cross the road, or some tofu?
DECARTES: The chicken crosses the road, therefor it is.
THE BEATLES: Here comes the chicken. Here comes the chicken. It's alright... da da da da da da da da da.
NANCY PELOSI: The chicken was off the table, so it crossed the road.
CNN's WOLF BLITZER: The 12 foot tall chicken crossed the road. That's what the GOP tells us and we have no reason to ask any questions or doubt it.
BILL GATES: The road has been optimized so the chicken will cross the road faster and more safely if it uses Windows Vista as it's walking system. If there is a crash, we've made it easy to reboot the chicken. We call it MS egg.
WINDOWS VISTA: First make sure that no other animals are on the road. If there are any, start the next day with a clear road. Then, first, be sure the asphalt is within 60-80 degrees Fahrenheit. Then, call traffic control. Confirm that all lanes are clear for two miles. Feed the chicken the following mix of food. Check the chicken's feet. Yadda Yadda yadda. And then click the right button on the mouse....
APPLE MAC: The chicken crosses the road.
MACHIAVELLI: I helped the chicken cross the road to get its eggs.
DALAI LAMA We must ALL cross the road to be one with the chicken
MICHAEL JACKSON Look at that cute beak. I wonder if my plastic surgeon could do something like that for me.
JESUS It is easier to thread a camel through the eye of a needle than for a wealthy chicken to cross the road.
WOODY ALLEN: My brother thinks he's a chicken, so I help him cross the road, for the eggs.
by rob kall www.opednews.com
Rob Kall is an award winning journalist, inventor, software architect,
connector and visionary. His work and his writing have been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, ABC, the HuffingtonPost, Success, Discover and other media. He's given talks and workshops to Fortune
500 execs and national medical and psychological organizations, and pioneered
first-of-their-kind conferences in Positive Psychology, Brain Science and
Story. He hosts some of the world's smartest, most interesting and powerful
people on his Bottom Up Radio Show,
and founded and publishes one of the top Google- ranked progressive news and
opinion sites, OpEdNews.com
more detailed bio:
Rob Kall has spent his adult life as an awakener and empowerer-- first in the field of biofeedback, inventing products, developing software and a music recording label, MuPsych, within the company he founded in 1978-- Futurehealth, and founding, organizing and running 3 conferences: Winter Brain, on Neurofeedback and consciousness, Optimal Functioning and Positive Psychology (a pioneer in the field of Positive Psychology, first presenting workshops on it in 1985) and Storycon Summit Meeting on the Art Science and Application of Story-- each the first of their kind. Then, when he found the process of raising people's consciousness and empowering them to take more control of their lives one person at a time was too slow, he founded Opednews.com-- which has been the top search result on Google for the terms liberal news and progressive opinion for several years. Rob began his Bottom-up Radio show, broadcast on WNJC 1360 AM to Metro Philly, also available on iTunes, covering the transition of our culture, business and world from predominantly Top-down (hierarchical, centralized, authoritarian, patriarchal, big) to bottom-up (egalitarian, local, interdependent, grassroots, archetypal feminine and small.) Recent long-term projects include a book, Bottom-up-- The Connection Revolution, debillionairizing the planet and the Psychopathy Defense and Optimization Project.
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