Juggling becomes a new way of life, as all the items in the expense column come up for review. This is the moment when serious mistakes can be made, if you use any remaining credit to cling to the old way of life. People you knew from work may fall away, as if unemployment were catching. Friendships shift.
Then there are the emotions: demoralization and self-doubt, fear, and boredom. Demoralization and self-doubt set in as the weeks, months, and sometime years go by without a bite. As the (situational) depression deepens it may be hard to get motivated for one more phone call, one more appointment. You have become the "discouraged worker" that we read about. The cold words on the page do no justice to the feelings behind them.
As the money left in the system from unemployment benefits and savings dries up, fear becomes a constant companion. Fear as the bills come in and it is necessary to decide what you are going to lose this month. First everything that makes life fun. Then the personal upkeep items such as haircuts and clothing. Finally, after cutting to the bone, there is nothing left to cut but shelter, food, and the phone, lifeline to potential work. There is the fear of the empty cupboard staring back at you, as you learn how to use food banks and food stamps, if you can get them. Pasta or potatoes become the main item in your diet.
Then there is the worst fear of all--fear of (god forbid) getting sick. Without insurance. Getting sick keeps you from looking for work, or actually working if an odd job should fall your way. And it costs money that you don't have, or if you do you were going to use it to eat that month. You learn that small injuries and illnesses can be "worked through". Even an infection can sometimes run its course if you wait it out. As your diet gets worse the possibility of sickness grows.
Finally there is intense boredom as it becomes apparent that everything there is to do except sit is too expensive. Driving, if you still have a car, becomes a forbidden pleasure. Gas must be rationed to get to interviews and networking events, if you still have the clothes needed to attend. Lack of money makes recreation an impossibility. As long as you have cable there is TV and then maybe Netflix. Of course television is very depressing because it represents a false reality where everyone has a wonderful interesting career and plenty of disposable income. The days seem unbearably long and begin to run together.
Finally, if you are lucky, coping skills take hold. Simple household chores take the place of other entertainment. Having become forcibly frugal, you realize that your own labor must take the place of money if anything is to get done. If you are lucky you have settled in a place where you can have a small life. A community has formed. You are very clear who your real friends are. They are the ones that are still talking to you. Family relationships may have shifted. You have found a way to put some of your unused skills to good use for barter or for a little cash, enough to make the much reduced ends meet.
One day you might look up and see the unbearable blueness of the sky, or notice the perfect way that the light from the setting sun is illuminating the mountains. Life will never go back to being what it was. But you are alive. And you are still a human being, now un-tethered to the machine. If you are not there yet it is my wish for you that you survive to see that day, and that the road treat you kindly. As Scarlett O'Hara said, tomorrow is another day.
http://feedingamerica.org/foodbank-results.aspx a searchable list of food banks
http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-the-3.html the stages of grief