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Trump to Rise From Underground D.C. Bunker on Easter Sunday

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BREAKING NEWS: Tongue-in-Cheek News Service Will Update this Report as More Information is Made Public.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump will emerge from his underground D.C. bunker on Easter Sunday, the White House announced today. He has been in social isolation since the coronavirus was declared a pandemic.

Trump will take a helicopter ride to Lynchburg, Va., where he will attend services at Liberty University, established by "Moral Majority" founder Jerry Falwell. The religious-based university is now run by the late religious leader's son, Jerry Falwell Jr.

"Easter Sunday is a special day, as our beloved leader has stated," Falwell said in a statement released only to Fox News. "We are blessed to have President Trump show Americans that it is time to reject the depressing recommendations of the medical establishment, which wants to shut down the country to stop the spread of Covid-19."

Falwell continued, "President Trump correctly states that the cure must not be worse than the disease. Listening to elite health experts will only condemn millions of God-fearing Americans to end times. We must not let that happen. Let us go to church and pray right next to one another. Let us shop together, dance together, go out to restaurants together."

Trump thanked Falwell for his support.

"I am grateful for the leadership demonstrated by Jerry Falwell," the 45th president said in a Twitter post today. "We must believe in God, and move forward with courage. We cannot let foreign conspirators, American 'Deep State' traitors and well-meaning but arrogant public health officials destroy all we have built. We must protect the most perfect economy this country has ever created. God bless America."

Trump has alleged that intelligence reports show an overweight Ukrainian man created the virus. The man, apparently weighing 400 pounds, is working with American traitors to destroy the United States and its powerful economy, the president has said.

In January and February, as the media gave more coverage to the coronavirus, Trump initially branded it a "hoax" created by the media and stoked by Democrats who want to destroy his chance at reelection in November.

According to many political commentators, Trump governs by appealing over and over again to his base, which consists of evangelical Christians, among others.

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Steve Schneider lives in Florida. He writes articles for Humor Times, Democracy Chronicles, The Satirist and OpEd News.

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