(A Pragma-Economic Action Plan.)
To recap [1], the
fundamental breakthrough of Pragma-Economics is a recognition that
the affluent are a market commodity [2]. The importance of
this entrepreneurial and socio-economic innovation rivals that of the
mortgage-backed security, the hedge fund, and other financial-sector
prestidigitations.
By re-positioning these troubled and
troublesome pseudo-assets, guerrilla economists can repackage the
affluent, resell them, and then further bundle and relabel them,
passing this jet-set jetsam through several additional permutations,
the final commodity retaining almost no olfactory remnant to betray
its origins.
Initial public roll-outs were an unqualified success. One derivatives trading firm re-emerged as a public-sector union. The members immediately went on strike [3]. Several anonymous investors, receiving the news, were stricken by a mysterious affliction and rushed to local hospitals [4].
Any fundamental socio-economic market
correction causes disruptive dislocation as it seeks a new
equilibrium. One venture capitalist, distraught at the prospect of
decreasing income inequality, plunged to his death from a financial
district office tower [5].
As detailed in the previous expose,
pragmaconomists offer paradigm-shifting, shovel-ready solutions to
the problem of the surplus-affluent and their protracted obstruction
of the nation's economic recovery. Congress, deadlocked by the
malfeasance of Republican "Richies", was nonetheless browbeaten
by public outcry into passing a WPA [6] Act. After years
of pro-affluent legislation, quid pro quo, and "constituent
meetings" devoted to bonking K-Street bimbos, pragma-pundits dub
this sea change in legislative productivity "epic".
Using innovative socio-mediant protocols, the act empowers HHS to re-position affluent commodities for maximum economic utility. Thus empowered, a portion of these vastly overvalued villains have been parceled out to public-interest groups for re-branding [7] and put to work on public-infrastructure projects [8] .
The public has been overwhelmingly
supportive of these job-creating initiatives for the underemployed
elite. Several pedestrians in Times Square, interviewed at random,
gushed with unabashed enthusiasm. "It's so exciting to see them
become productive!" cheered one woman, a teacher visiting from
central Minnesota.
Another, a man who owns a small
business in Portland, Oregon, was less avid. "Yeah, I hired some
"Richies". Had a few problems with the dress code, if ya know
what I mean."
Another pedestrian, a New York native
and therapist, was hopeful. "By actually mingling with complex,
well-rounded and tolerant people, the affluent may evolve
semi-emotive and semi-empathetic skillsets that cause the casual
observer to mistake them for... (a tear was seen forming in his
eye.)... human beings! It's potentially wonderful!"
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