Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook 2 Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend (2 Shares)  

Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites (# of views)   2 comments
OpEdNews Op Eds

The Uber-Capitalists: Obstructing Economic Recovery?

By       Message Maynard McKillen     Permalink
      (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; (more...) ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags  (less...) Add to My Group(s)

View Ratings | Rate It

(A Pragma-Economic Action Plan.)

To recap [1], the fundamental breakthrough of Pragma-Economics is a recognition that the affluent are a market commodity [2]. The importance of this entrepreneurial and socio-economic innovation rivals that of the mortgage-backed security, the hedge fund, and other financial-sector prestidigitations.

By re-positioning these troubled and troublesome pseudo-assets, guerrilla economists can repackage the affluent, resell them, and then further bundle and relabel them, passing this jet-set jetsam through several additional permutations, the final commodity retaining almost no olfactory remnant to betray its origins.

Initial public roll-outs were an unqualified success. One derivatives trading firm re-emerged as a public-sector union. The members immediately went on strike [3]. Several anonymous investors, receiving the news, were stricken by a mysterious affliction and rushed to local hospitals [4].

(Image by Floris M. Oosterveld)   Permission   Details   DMCA

Any fundamental socio-economic market correction causes disruptive dislocation as it seeks a new equilibrium. One venture capitalist, distraught at the prospect of decreasing income inequality, plunged to his death from a financial district office tower [5].

As detailed in the previous expose, pragmaconomists offer paradigm-shifting, shovel-ready solutions to the problem of the surplus-affluent and their protracted obstruction of the nation's economic recovery. Congress, deadlocked by the malfeasance of Republican "Richies", was nonetheless browbeaten by public outcry into passing a WPA [6] Act. After years of pro-affluent legislation, quid pro quo, and "constituent meetings" devoted to bonking K-Street bimbos, pragma-pundits dub this sea change in legislative productivity "epic". 


Using innovative socio-mediant protocols, the act empowers HHS to re-position affluent commodities for maximum economic utility. Thus empowered, a portion of these vastly overvalued villains have been parceled out to  public-interest groups for re-branding [7] and put to work on public-infrastructure projects [8] .

The public has been overwhelmingly supportive of these job-creating initiatives for the underemployed elite. Several pedestrians in Times Square, interviewed at random, gushed with unabashed enthusiasm. "It's so exciting to see them become productive!" cheered one woman, a teacher visiting from central Minnesota. 

Another, a man who owns a small business in Portland, Oregon, was less avid. "Yeah, I hired some "Richies". Had a few problems with the dress code, if ya know what I mean."

Another pedestrian, a New York native and therapist, was hopeful. "By actually mingling with complex, well-rounded and tolerant people, the affluent may evolve semi-emotive and semi-empathetic skillsets that cause the casual observer to mistake them for... (a tear was seen forming in his eye.)... human beings! It's potentially wonderful!"  

Next Page  1  |  2


- Advertisement -

View Ratings | Rate It

Satirist Maynard McKillen hails from Wisconsin, where he enjoys skewering the idiots of the Republican-majority state government.

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

Go To Commenting
/* The Petition Site */
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Why Did We Once Have a Gun-free Commons?

The Uber-Capitalists: Obstructing Economic Recovery?

The One-Percenters: a surplus commodity?