The vast number of candidates for this prestigious award makes narrowing the field to a single winner extremely difficult. It is only with the most careful study and comparison, research and contemplation, even prayer, that we are able to arrive upon the most worthy recipient. As one may correctly surmise, the purpose of the Glass Bellybutton is to enable the owner to see more clearly. And so it is that we look for the person most in need of better vision.
Thus we proudly present this year's Glass Bellybutton Award to Donald Trump, for his audacious plan to accelerate the nuclear arms race! You know, that race to the Final Finish that can have but one conceivable ending--setting civilization back to the Stone Ages! Or more likely, eliminating civilization altogether, along with most life on the planet!
This will solve many problems for the vast majority of human beings, over 7 billion of them, who will have a few wonderful days of glowing in the dark, not requiring lights, as their glowing bodies provide an intense, luminous glow. We trust this award will offer a wonderful chance for the world to get familiar with Trump Family Values, particularly those who can think outside the box. For example, glowing family members can play Hide and Seek at night, or knock on their neighbors' doors and spook them, like on Halloween. Others may want to drive in the dark with no lights, save for their own glowing selves (and cars)!
At least this will be so until their skin starts peeling off, they realize that they are blind, their hair is falling out, and they soon thereafter die in excruciating pain, watching their loved ones do the same. But this is a small price that we should be happy to pay, for that ONE most egomaniacal genius amongst 7billion+ possibilities on the planet, the one who will surely go down in history as the Bankruptcy King Clown, The Man who, ironically, ended history for Homo sapiens.
We are pleased to think that the Glass Bellybutton will at least allow The Donald to have his eyes protected (however briefly), while watching his Trump Towers turn to dust faster than the World Trade Center Buildings!
Cheers to The Donald for his remarkable efforts to win the most prestigious award ever given to any human!
We realize that while the Glass Bellybutton, properly inserted in the navel, will likely help Donald's vision, it will not likely give him wisdom, brains, or other body parts he clearly lacks. Lastly, since this renowned winner has great trouble with cohesive thoughts and even sentences, we humbly offer one sentence, which we hope he will ponder and comprehend, and perhaps even Tweet about: There is no way to Peace; Peace is The Way.
P.S. This award was last given to Mr. Trump's predecessor, Barack Obama, who so eagerly murdered men, women, and children around the world, zapping them with advanced weaponry paid for by your taxes, and in this and many other ways helped clear the path for Donald to replace him click here.
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