(Article changed on November 21, 2012 at 10:09)
(Article changed on November 19, 2012 at 17:12)
Every war has a first day, and I remember when the Culture War was declared. It was August 1992 in Houston. I know because I was there, at Ground Zero, when the Culture War was formally declared.
was the convention when Ronald Reagan handed the GOP standard off to
George H. Bush. And it was the convention at which Pat Buchanan
declared war on that part of America that embraced "secular
humanism," rather than good old Judeo-Christianism.
won't recall the battles. We all remember them too well. But every
war ends eventually and, hopefully this November's election marked
the beginning of the end of that one. With the youth vote on the rise
and racial demographics moving from Wonderbread-white to whole-wheat
brown, it seems clear that Buchanan and his troops are pretty well on
their way to a well-earned place upon the trash heap of history
sure, a few will refuse to surrender to the inevitable, like those
straggler-Japanese soldiers who turned up decades later hiding in the
jungles and hills of long ago-liberated South Pacific islands. But
the voters have spoken and will, in the years ahead, speak even
louder. It's over General Pat, et al.
I figured it's time to start setting out terms of surrender for the
GOP's culture warriors. I am not going to insist that their surrender
be unconditional. After all, as a student of history, I remember well
what happened after WW I when the French and British exacted
unreasonably harsh terms on the Germans. That just set the stage for
the next war, and another culture war is the last thing we need.
I will be generous. For starters, no one goes to the gallows.
But there are some bottom line concessions we should insist upon. So here's a first rough draft of the GOP's Culture Wars Terms of Surrender:
Culture War Articles of Surrender.
We, (hereafter meaning the GOP) acknowledge a fertilized human
egg is no more a person than a fertilized chicken egg is a chicken.
Evolution is science. Creationism is not science. Evolution belongs
in science classes. Creationism belongs in church.
Corporations are political entities created for legal and tax reasons
only. Corporations are not now, nor have they ever been, the same
thing as "people." After all, if corporations were really
persons, and treated accordingly, prisons would be filled with boards
of directors. Since they are not, we hereby acknowledge the
We acknowledge that wealth has never
trickled down. We admit that this is especially true for the American
economy, which is 70% driven by consumers consuming. We acknowledge
the direct cause-effect relationship between consumers spending money
on stuff and the wealth of those who produce that stuff; to wit,
trickling up, not down .
We apologize for any inconvenience or hardships our previous cyclical
and self-serving position on this matter may have caused.
Article Five: We hereby acknowledge that the First Amendment's clause on religion only bars the government from establishing or favoring an official religion, or discriminating against particular religion(s). The First Amendment does not, we acknowledge, give any particular religion, no matter how demographically dominant, the right to impose their beliefs on those who do not share them. Nor does the First Amendment allow any religion to impose its beliefs in public schools or enshrined in government policy.
Article Six: We hereby acknowledge that climate change is not only real, but in large part the fault of mankind's careless and wanton use of fossil fuels. And, we admit here that our earlier position, as noted in the bumper sticker slogan: "Drill Baby, Drill," was actually, "Dumb Baby, Dumb." (Special apologies offered to the citizens of New Jersey.)