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Life Arts

Smokes or a trip to Paris?

By       Message Bob Patterson     Permalink
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The new special collectors edition cigarette packs with photos on them came out recently, but since the World's Laziest Journalist doesn't smoke, we are not going to be buying them.   Their debut did remind us of how a long ago opportunity to get started on the cigarette addiction boiled down to an odd choice:   a free pack of cigarettes or a trip to Paris.

 

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a young Ernie Pyle wannabe who was attending parochial school.   After the lunch hour break, the classes would line up outside the schoolhouse and march in at the sound of the start bell.  

 

On one particular day (was it during seventh grade or eighth?   In all the intervening years we kinda lost track of the exact number), a group of adults approached and began handing out small sample packs of cigarettes.   Some of the more sophisticated students (the boys were required to wear a suit coat and tie and the red jacket, white t-shirt, blue jeans uniform of the rebels was strictly verboten) snatched up the items with enthusiasm and then turned to the ones who seemed perplexed with the windfall and asked "You gonna use "em?   If not; can I have yours?"

 

The columnist aspirant had been exposed to smokes many years previously.   When he, at the age of seven, asked his mom about cigarettes; she pulled one out from her pack, told him to put it in his mouth and lit it up.   She coached him through a few drags and a vehement coughing spell and continued the lesson in existentialism:   "You can learn to overcome that taste and the negative reaction and learn to enjoy it if you so choose."   She added:   "In the future your friends may start to try smoking in secret.   If you want to smoke, come see me for your next lesson.   Don't let them goad you into sneaking them.   You have permission to try again if you want another attempt to learn to like it."  

 

The free sample packs held no allure of the forbidden for the young Walter Winchell fan.   He did, however, venture to ask his aunt why a company would give away a product that they usually sold.   She responded with a lesson in marketing saying the product was habit forming and that if they could give away samples and get a customer for life in return it would be cost effective.   (She may not have used that exact terminology.)   Then she prompted the lad to see if he could use mathematics to figure out what one of his classmates could expect to spend for a life time supply of smokes.

 

At a quarter a day and seven days a week with 52 weeks in a year, it worked out to $91 a year.   Since the US had not become embroiled in Vietnam, it was logical to assume that all his classmates would live to retirement age.   (As it turned out some didn't make it to their 25th birthday.)   That would bring the expected cost up to $4,823.00.   Then the aunt introduced the concept of inflation and added expected rises in price to the formula.

 

Can you believe that some conspiracy theory nuts in the fifties thought that a package of cigarettes would eventually go to a dollar a pack?  

 

Five grand would surely cover a deluxe two week vacation in Paris.   It was just about then that some guy named Papa Hemingstein coined the marketing slogan "Moveable Feast" for use in reference to trips to the City of Light.   (Did he write for Clipper, which was Pan Am's inflight magazine?)   An opinion poll survey at the time said that a majority of high school students listed a trip to Paris as one of their lifetime goals.  

 

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BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future (more...)
 

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