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SCOTUS Ruling Makes Sheep Nervous (Satire)

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Nervous sheep
Nervous sheep
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SCOTUS, in their wisdom, ruled for the gays and the sheep are nervous. Score one for the LGBT crowd who can be married in every state of the union. Concerns are rife that the gays will further destroy "traditional" marriage with their magical powers to bring on bestiality, incest, pedophilia, and more. Conservative religious leaders are challenged to guard their flock during this time of upheaval and have prognosticated the future of marriage, lo!, civilization even if they have to make the changes themselves to ensure tradition remains.

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, is sounding the alarm. During an interview with the Washington Examiner, Perkins referenced bible passages that support the one man/one woman model of marriage. With the new law in place, Perkins imagines more children being born out of wedlock. When pressed, he backpedaled so as not to incite a riot, but some laypeople took him at his word.

One Texas farmer summed it up this way: "Now that gays can get married, I've been warned bestiality is next. I don't want anyone touching my sheep. They're not like my daughter. We taught her abstinence and the Lord saw fit to get her pregnant anyway. Thank God we don't allow gays to adopt in this state or we might have been forced to feed another kid. Fortunately, we've got other laws on the books that allow us to make their lives miserable. If they get married in the morning, we can fire them in the afternoon. We're all restless. I can lock up my daughter, but what about my ewes?"

Had there been time during his interview, it's possible Perkins would have mentioned other traditional definitions of marriage mentioned in the bible held near and dear by true believers, including sex with slaves, made all the more difficult--perhaps impossible--now that the Confederacy is being driven farther underground. Perkins also promoted religious freedom. One might extrapolate his acceptance of other religions and their freedom to practice, including those that advocate having more than one wife--another biblical tradition in danger of being lost. However, the risk is that fringe sects may conclude gay marriage and equal rights are God's will!

Meanwhile, the SCOTUS ruling is bringing about fear and confusion. Despite the fact that gay marriage has been in place for years in various states and other countries, the mystifying feats that portend the end of civilized conduct attributed to them defy logic, yet are sure to open the hearts and checkbooks of God-fearing citizens so people like Perkins can continue to be paid to spread the word, a good thing as it is obvious he needs to do more research.

Social conservatives are angry about the SCOTUS ruling even though it doesn't stop them from teaching their children time-honored values of discrimination, entitlement, and second-class status for women. Equal rights have always been a pesky and at times, expensive nuisance. Plus, having to uphold laws that run counter to your belief systems interfere with the good-old boys who try so hard to keep the status quo in their favor.

Of course the sheep are nervous. They've been shorn, and being exposed is never pretty.

Janet F. Williams is an oral and written communications specialist, and award-winning author of the book, "You Don't Ask, You Don't Get." Please visit: janetfwilliams.com and gooddaymedia.com.

(Article changed on June 30, 2015 at 22:58)

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Janet F. Williams is an oral and written communications specialist, and award-winning author of the book, "You Don't Ask, You Don't Get." Please visit: janetfwilliams.com and gooddaymedia.com

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