It's true I'm the best-informed guy in my town,
Know the buzz on the skinny on every lowdown.
Want to know how Melania keeps fit?
Why Trump shorted Huawei till Xi up and spit?
Why Brad and Ange' will soon reunite?
What their lawyers get for making things right?
.
But even I have trouble in keeping the score
Of all the reasons for throwing missiles and more
At poor ol' Iran with its long-foretold nuke,
So long foretold Bibi sounds like a kook.
Without further ado, then, let's make our list,
Before all the reasons get lost in war's mist.
.
First there's the obvious, Iran's someday bomb,
Theories long denounced with expert aplomb,
And let's not forget Bibi's future at home:
A hard bed and jumpsuit and etched-on-wall poem.
Next, Wash-town's desperate to stop China's rise,
And Iran's crude keeps it from getting the dries.
.
Then there's the prob' of Iran getting chummy
With BRICS and Russians, the deals quite plummy.
And history: U.S. hostages taken,
The Afghan debacle, Iraq bled and forsaken.
Sorry, Iran, you're now scapegoat* for it all,
That our powers-that-be might again stand tall.
.
Lastly, Iz'rl's PR of late has been poor,
For reasons well-known of tents, kids and gore.
For quick distraction, Iran will do nicely:
A dust-up with long-beards, bombs falling precisely,
While Pals are whisked out to countries unknown,
There in peace to fade away all alone.
.
Holy smokes! Those are truly reasons enough
To bomb Iran, Berlin, Beijing and Pine Bluff!
Let history note this attack wasn't a whim,
But a lark, an urge, a lust up to the brim,
Hard reality and facts having no place
'Cause nothing beats wiping the smile off a face.
.
* "So why go to war with Iran?...The generals, politicians, intelligence services, neocons, weapons manufacturers, so-called experts, celebrity pundits and Israeli lobbyists are not about to take the blame for two decades of military fiascos. They need a scapegoat. It is Iran."
-- Chris Hedges: The Folly of a War With Iran
(Article changed on Jun 19, 2025 at 2:13 PM EDT)
